Single Girls Guide Part 4

I’m one of five daughters and the only one who hasn’t been in a long-term (boring) relationship for the last few years.

Although I’m a grown ass woman of twenty-eight, my dad still asks me to text him when I get home safe at night because his theory is that there is no one making sure I’m still alive at the end of the day except for him.

Like, he basically thinks if I don’t get a husband I’m going to get killed.

Like, every day I continue to live without one I’m cheating death.

You can imagine how much anxiety this started to give me. So, I decided I would be open to meeting someone instead of my usual routine of pretending to be deaf when a guy asks me to pass him a straw at Starbucks in case he was trying to marry me. I told my friends I would finally accept their attempts to set me up on blind dates.

Now, I’m sure you have your own set of challenges dating guys in whichever city you live in, but dating dudes in Los Angeles is a hot mess. I went out with one chiseled babe who spent dinner with me talking in a thick Boston accent he was trying to get right for an audition in the morning.  Another sweet catch I met used The Coffee Bean as his office during the day. Although I love a free dinner, it became clear to me pretty quickly that this was beneath me and I wouldn’t want to trick any of these people into getting me pregnant. Which is a bad sign all around. I mean, yes I’m technically almost thirty which is an age you could find on birthday party plates with the phrase “Over The Hill” on them, but I’m not there yet. I still have the word twenty in front of the eight, and if I mumble it so people hear me saying twenty-four, it’s not my problem. So I figure I’ve got some time to figure this out and in the meantime I’m not going to dilute my worth with these Ed Hardys.

In summation ladies, its summer and you know what that means; we can’t hide our cellulite under tights. But it ALSO means, you can relax and have fun. Here are a few reasons to enjoy being single:

  • Ryan Gosling is available. He’s often seen at 7-11 in the mornings and if he has low expectations for his coffee, it makes me feel like we all have a shot.

Enough said. List complete.


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