Single Girls Guide Part 2

The other day I went to have lunch at Le Pain Quotidian and the waiter came up to me and said, “You’re not with your mom today?” It made me realize that I might hang out with my mom too much. We have to be careful not to become too predictable. As soon as someone says, “the usual?” it’s time to broaden your taste. When someone says “Why didn’t I see you at the party last night?” it means that people assume if there is any social event happening, you will obviously be there. These are great ways to make sure you stay alone.

Here are some other ways that you can be sure to stay alone for a while longer:

– Talking about meditation at several points in a conversation

– Tweeting things like, “I’m lonely.”

– Telling people the names of your future children (you love to do that)

– Passive aggressively getting a date to look at your baby pictures

– Eating tuna sandwiches

– Bragging about how you only drink water when you’re taking your meds

– Kissing your parents on the lips

– Displaying any bumper sticker on your car or having a personalized license plate

– Referencing Harry Potter while giving sincere advice

– Letting someone find your prenatal pills and using the excuse that you’re taking them because it makes your hair and nails healthy. No one’s buyin’ it honey. You’re looking to trick someone into being your baby daddy and I totally support it.

Cancel your subscription to because there’s a new life coach in town.

Erin Foster is an actress and comedy writer who was born and raised in Los Angeles. She writes the popular blog TotallyConfidentAndCompletelyInsecure.Com. Her twitter is @efosta

  • Annie Bakopoulos

    LOL I love this. Especially the “Telling people the names of your future children (you love to do that)” and the “Bragging about how you only drink water when you’re taking your meds”.
    I’m going to pretend that my boyfriend doesn’t think I’m completely nuts when I talk about baby names.

  • Sarah Jane Kumar

    HA HA HA HA HA HA – People who kiss their parents on the lips confuse me, it sits alongside people who kiss their pets on the lips.

  • Katie Buffington

    Haha kissing your parents on the lips has to be one of the most odd and rather creepy things. And I think I am right there with you when you say you might hang out with your mom too much… There is a wine bar that I go to and whenever I’m there, they ask if my mom is coming in. Ouch.

  • Terrah Johnson

    bwhaha! pure awesomeness… wait. I am still single.

  • Melissa McMinn

    Yup, totally have used Harry Potter as a reference when giving advice. Fail. LOL.

  • Michelle Carrère Seizer

    Erin you’re the best!
    Making reference to Harry Potter when giving life advice…GUILTY.

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    Life coach!

  • Emily Porter

    I frequently reference Harry Potter.. awkward.

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