Single Girls Guide

Angelina Is A Human

Ya know why we all loved Angelina’s weird leg pose at the Oscars so much? Because the queen bitch finally did something super embarrassing. I don’t even mean ‘bitch’ in a bad way, I actually think she’s rad. She is the queen bitch cause that chick runs s**t. She’s always looking perfect and saying the right thing, and wearing elegant knee high boots while walking into a craft store with fourteen kids. She was never going be one of us –  the girl who texts a guy too quickly and scares him off, who posts a flattering picture of herself on Facebook and then gets made fun of because the red eye corrector made her look funny and it’s obviously cropped poorly from a group photo. She was never gonna be the girl who trips in front of the wrong person, or gets dissed by a guy for her best friend. She’s above all that.

She’s never been neurotic a day in her life. She doesn’t relate to Bridget Jones. She doesn’t have a fake Twitter account she uses to compliment herself in an effort to make someone jealous (and neither do I). But Sunday afternoon she walked down a red carpet and on a stage, needing everyone to see her pale toned leg. The thing is, the slit in the dress was very dramatic. Just standing normally, we would have witnessed that perfect calf she was flaunting – she didn’t need to put it out there. It’s like she was worried we weren’t getting the full affect and she had to make sure we were seeing the whole leg. Angie needed to be seen. She needed to have our attention. She needed us to think her leg looked good. Isn’t that strange?

I mean, it’s something I would probably do, but it’s not something she would do. She has more attention drooling in her sleep than a naked playmate talking about football on Spike TV. And yet there she was, inching her thigh out that final inch so that Jean Dujardin’s wife would feel the need to pull him a little closer to her. She overcompensated. She let us see her need for approval, her need to still be Jessica Rabbit. But it didn’t work. We laughed. I feel bad for her – she was only being human, like the rest of us. She was taking herself too seriously, like we all do when we want to be taken seriously. For the first time, she woke up to people making fun of her for something other than being too perfect, or too beautiful, or too sexy. She was being made fun of for looking silly while the whole world was watching.

We go throughout our days second guessing ourselves, criticizing ourselves, wanting to change ourselves. We look at other women who seem to have it all, do it all a little easier, look better while they’re doing it. We think all the bad luck is for us and all the good luck is for someone else. But even the most confident woman we can imagine, had to cringe at what she did. It’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen her, transparently showing off. It just shows us that we are all that little kid who wants people to like them, and think they’re pretty. No one can forever escape those little quirks that make us relatable. Not even her. There is that thread that runs through all of us, our insecurities are universal. One point for us girls who embarrass ourselves a lot. The playing field just got a little more even.

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