Single Girls Guide

Angelina Is A Human

Ya know why we all loved Angelina’s weird leg pose at the Oscars so much? Because the queen bitch finally did something super embarrassing. I don’t even mean ‘bitch’ in a bad way, I actually think she’s rad. She is the queen bitch cause that chick runs s**t. She’s always looking perfect and saying the right thing, and wearing elegant knee high boots while walking into a craft store with fourteen kids. She was never going be one of us –  the girl who texts a guy too quickly and scares him off, who posts a flattering picture of herself on Facebook and then gets made fun of because the red eye corrector made her look funny and it’s obviously cropped poorly from a group photo. She was never gonna be the girl who trips in front of the wrong person, or gets dissed by a guy for her best friend. She’s above all that.

She’s never been neurotic a day in her life. She doesn’t relate to Bridget Jones. She doesn’t have a fake Twitter account she uses to compliment herself in an effort to make someone jealous (and neither do I). But Sunday afternoon she walked down a red carpet and on a stage, needing everyone to see her pale toned leg. The thing is, the slit in the dress was very dramatic. Just standing normally, we would have witnessed that perfect calf she was flaunting – she didn’t need to put it out there. It’s like she was worried we weren’t getting the full affect and she had to make sure we were seeing the whole leg. Angie needed to be seen. She needed to have our attention. She needed us to think her leg looked good. Isn’t that strange?

I mean, it’s something I would probably do, but it’s not something she would do. She has more attention drooling in her sleep than a naked playmate talking about football on Spike TV. And yet there she was, inching her thigh out that final inch so that Jean Dujardin’s wife would feel the need to pull him a little closer to her. She overcompensated. She let us see her need for approval, her need to still be Jessica Rabbit. But it didn’t work. We laughed. I feel bad for her – she was only being human, like the rest of us. She was taking herself too seriously, like we all do when we want to be taken seriously. For the first time, she woke up to people making fun of her for something other than being too perfect, or too beautiful, or too sexy. She was being made fun of for looking silly while the whole world was watching.

We go throughout our days second guessing ourselves, criticizing ourselves, wanting to change ourselves. We look at other women who seem to have it all, do it all a little easier, look better while they’re doing it. We think all the bad luck is for us and all the good luck is for someone else. But even the most confident woman we can imagine, had to cringe at what she did. It’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen her, transparently showing off. It just shows us that we are all that little kid who wants people to like them, and think they’re pretty. No one can forever escape those little quirks that make us relatable. Not even her. There is that thread that runs through all of us, our insecurities are universal. One point for us girls who embarrass ourselves a lot. The playing field just got a little more even.

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  • Sarah Bloodsworth

    You just NAILD it!

    • Sarah Bloodsworth

      …except, I don’t really feel bad for her. She can go cry in her big bags of money. The whole thing was awesome.

  • Shawna Henderson

    well said!

  • Britt Bulens

    hmmm, I don’t know. She looked like a tool and I still have no sympathy, but I loved your writing like always. For the record, I’ve never made a fake facebook to write on my own wall to make someone jealous, ever! :)

  • Marcelle Ruby Karp

    It took me a while, but then I saw the Rachel Barry in her on that stage. Thank you for articulating what I was feeling.

  • Kelsea Krebs

    agreed, i still think she’s a scum sucking road whore for being a homewrecker, but she’s got a pretty face and does a silly pose so she’s sort of like the girls on facebook with duck faces. Human. Pretty pretty human

    • Anonymous

      Posted on It has always been my bileef that good writing like this takes research and talent. It’s very apparent you have done your homework. Great job!

  • Jackie Garcia

    perfect response to that leg. i totally agree.

  • Lara Storey

    “She’s never been neurotic a day in her life?” What about kissing her brother on the red carpet, or her entire marriage to Billy Bob Thorton (wearing vials of each other’s blood around their necks, the tattoo of his name she had lasered off, etc.)? I think it’s important to remember that she wasn’t always Miss Perfect. That’s one of the things about her I admire – how she took her life into her own hands and made it what it is today; she just kept going forward without looking back.

    • Jackie Portillo

      She was a little out-in-left-field at one point in the late 90s (early 200s?) but then Mr & Mrs Smith happened (and despite the personal drama that we all know ensued) and she took on this persona of amazing philanthropist who is actively doing something to change the world. The pose is weird and I don’t get it. And apparenlty I’m not alone on that one but is it really the big news that everyone made it out to be?? Nope. Just an awkward pose by a famous actress on a media frenzied day.

  • Jane Quigley

    Thank god!! Everyone is going mad over this and I thought I was the only one who thought that she looked ridiculous!!

  • Meredith Bagdazian

    Like everyone else, I was like “What is she thinking, putting that pale, spindly leg out there like it’s hot or something?”. Then I wondered if maybe it was some roundabout way to bring attention to hunger in the Sudan by saying “I’ve gone on a hunger strike so maybe all you people will notice how skinny I am now, but just look at those poor kids in Africa.” But no, I think you’re right; she’s just a normal, insecure human.

  • Amalia Pantazi

    I did not need the leg thing to persuade me- I never liked Jolie. She is an absolute beauty, her face is pure perfection and everything, there’s no denying that, but I just think she’s too much. I’d say pretentious but maybe that’s too judgemental, I don’t know her personally after all. But the thing is, I don’t wish I did knew her. I mean, if you don’t relate to Bridget Jones, you don’t have a heart.

  • Natalie Jorges

    I would agree with much of this, however, it seems that people forget important facts about Angelina, like that she made out with her brother on the red carpet, or like that she used to wear a vial of her boyfriend/husband’s blood…basically what I am saying is, I think she is as odd and awkward as the rest of us, maybe even more so. I do feel bad for her, but I think this is just another in a long line of awkward encounters.

  • Melissa Rae Brown

    Lara, I was going to say the same thing.

  • Jody Borsboom

    At least she kept it PG13 and didn’t flaunt her breasts or something, that would have been really embarrassing. Oh wait, that was Jennifer Lopez.

    • Carina Brown

      Boom! Exactly what I was thinking, Jody. Aside from JLo’s nipple, did you all forget the stupid, awkward poses JLo and Diaz did? Or how awful the skit was that Robert Downey Jr and Gwenyth Paltrow did? PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. Shit happens. She wasn’t the only one up there making a fool of herself that night, and everyone has their less-than-stellar moments. Y’all need to get over it.

  • Rebecca Foster

    NEEDING to be validated is the saddest thing. No matter how many movies she’s in; no matter how many hot guys she’s with or husbands she’s convinced to run away with her; no matter how many children she has; no matter how many scripts she writes or films she directs; she STILL needed to be noticed. My guess is, the dark hole in her can never be filled……. SAD.

  • Julia Valdez

    Pretty sure it was her stylist who told her to make that pose to accentuate the dress. I doubt a high profile celebrity like her wouldn’t seek advice from a stylist, especially with such a popular event like the Oscars. I just think she’s human and we all have moments like this.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know how I missed this. But I love it!I don’t know where it’s going, or even where it’s been. But it sings in my ears. That’s the only way I can ericdsbe it.

  • Laura Nickel

    I thought it was hilarious, but honestly, it looked like she did it on purpose as a joke – at least on the Oscar stage. Unless she really was being serious…in which case I can only laugh.

    • Anonymous

      I agree. I thought she has to be kidding right? it was so awkard and forced.

  • Medali Castro

    Two words: WHO CARES?
    Seriously, people need to stop caring so much about celebrities…

  • Iva Tanacković

    What a way to take people’s heads off the bad publicity her directorial debut is getting. Nothing to praise there.

  • Amanda Haas

    Join the facebook page that is dedicated to her right leg. Super funny

  • Melanie Marie

    Two Words: Jim Rash.

    brilliance (ok, maybe three 😉 )

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