Have you ever noticed that when a guy says he’s single, it seems like it’s a choice on his part but when a woman says she’s single, it feels like something that has chosen her? Like, it’s this curse that has been cast on her. She admits it in a tone that whispers, “But I’m doing okay… It’s my turn soon, I just know it.” I think a lot of men have the ability to appreciate the other things that life has to offer besides a relationship. They enjoy their time alone and worry that a relationship might take that away from them. They value uninterrupted guy time and hobbies and sports and whatever other boring thing that we pretend to like for the time we’re with them.
And most girls feel very threatened by these things. But I believe that feeling threatened by them is your first step towards being single again and losing the relationship. Instead of feeling threatened by all the things he enjoys that aren’t you, you should have just as full a list of things that YOU enjoy. God forbid you actually keep that girls trip to Palm Springs intact even though you just started dating a guy and he’ll be in town with nothing to do that weekend. One has nothing to do with the other. These other passions and joys in your life are not place holders in case he calls. They are solid parts of your life that do not take a backseat at the last minute. Feeling threatened by your partner loving something else is selfish. Even if you were able to rid all the things from his life that seem to be in direct competition with you, once they were gone, so would be his dignity and your respect for him.
Now, I know it seems like I’m talking about relationships and you guys are very on top of me to make sure I do not inch into that territory and keep this for single girls only. But the reason I bring this up is because I get a lot of e-mails from you ladies. And a running theme is that you can’t seem to keep a man and therefore when you’re single and find yourself on a date, or even just being asked out, your self esteem is so shot from the broken attempts at having a relationship that you don’t know how to just be casual and let things happen the way they should. You jump on the opportunity to redeem yourself and run full speed at the chance to get yourself out of the misery you call being single. As long as you are down on yourself and feeling sorry for yourself, and letting the mistakes you’ve made weigh you down, the minute any decent guy broaches a conversation with you, you will smother the opportunity until you find yourself alone again. And being alone is fine, that’s the whole point of these guides, but first you have to acknowledge that it isn’t a PUNISHMENT.
The bad habits you have in a relationship will show themselves on the first few dates with someone when you’re single. That’s why I’m working my way backwards from the way you feel threatened easily in a relationship, because it all trickles down to how you are when you are by yourself. If you learn to like your time alone (and I mean REALLY like it. Not fake like it), then when someone comes into your life, you will want to share it with them instead of just handing it over to them. No one can operate long term that way.
I was talking to one of my best girlfriends the other day who is recently single. She said, “It’s the weirdest thing. People are so unsatisfied with hearing that I’m not in a relationship. They were more comfortable knowing I was in an unhealthy, emotionally abusive relationship as long as they knew I was spoken for.” It’s true. We are meant to be in pairs according to a lot of people, and some scientists. And without that other half you are told you are incomplete. But we came into this world alone, and we’re leaving it alone, and any time spent alone in between isn’t the end of the world. The more you start enjoying something, the more people start wanting to come enjoy it with you.
You aight kid