Single Girls Guide 18

You are so desperate!

All the emails I’m getting are confirming the current state that you ladies are in and I’m not happy about it. You are DESPERATE! Desperado. Desparito. Desperoony. It’s not okay. It’s a spiraling whirlpool of desperation and I’m reaching my hand in to pull you out because you’re making us look bad. You’re making you look bad.

“Why hasn’t he called me back?… I feel like he doesn’t like me anymore… Did I do something wrong?… How come he doesn’t want to marry me?…” Girls be thinking they don’t have any power in these situations! Girls be thinking they be victims and s**t! Why am I writing like a toothless high school drop out? This subject makes me go cray cray.

I don’t care if he is the sexiest dreamboat in all the world, no one should have the ability to turn you into the wreck you’ve become. You can break this pattern. I’ve been where you are. I’ve stared at my phone until I forgot to blink, I’ve sent myself text messages to make sure the phone is working, I’ve refused to go to friends’ houses that don’t have cell reception, I’ve sent myself flowers to make someone jealous… okay, no need for me to continue admitting these things, this really isn’t about me so I’d appreciate it if you stopped judging. I’ve studied the complete history of the Baltimore Ravens so I could convincingly say I was a lifetime fan to impress a guy! Okay, that’s the last one…

You’re better than this behavior. You think you’re lucky to have someone be interested in you, you kill time just waiting for yourself to mess it up because you know you’re so desperate for someone to marry you that you panic at the first sign of any trouble. It’s no way to live. What you need to understand is that no dude is the answer to all your problems. There are a hundred guys who would love to marry you, but you don’t want them. You only want the ones who don’t want to marry you. You’re addicted to the rejection. It’s what’s comfortable. You’d rather complain about not finding anyone than actually do the work it takes to be ready to meet someone and appreciate them.

When someone starts treating you badly or blowing you off, instead of falling apart and finding all the reasons why its your fault, just change your attitude to “eff them”. It’s not your problem. You have no idea what you want or need. You can’t listen to yourself when it comes to this stuff, you’ve had a lifetime of bad habits and you’re just continuing them. Go against your instincts. If someone doesn’t seem interested in you, then you literally laugh it off and just be thankful you figured it out now instead of walking in on them boning your best friend at your birthday party. It doesn’t even mean anything when someone isn’t into you. There is not a woman alive who is beautiful enough, special enough, perfect enough to be wanted by everyone. There are men who think Megan Fox is gross and fake, there are men who think Gisele is too skinny, Halle Berry gets cheated on by, like, everyone. No one is immune to rejection or a little slap in the face by life. You are no better and no worse than these girls, stop thinking its all about you. You have no control over chemistry. You can’t make someone feel for you what you feel for them. So, just move on and the feeling will pass, it always does.

Step it up. Put your shoulders back. Walk with your head held high. Laugh off an insult. Don’t wear colors that are unflattering on you. Beige is probably one of them. Have a little more respect for yourself. It will help remind the rest of us to do the same. F**k with the curve. Go get em, girl.

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