Single Girls Guide 18Erin Foster

You are so desperate!

All the emails I’m getting are confirming the current state that you ladies are in and I’m not happy about it. You are DESPERATE! Desperado. Desparito. Desperoony. It’s not okay. It’s a spiraling whirlpool of desperation and I’m reaching my hand in to pull you out because you’re making us look bad. You’re making you look bad.

“Why hasn’t he called me back?… I feel like he doesn’t like me anymore… Did I do something wrong?… How come he doesn’t want to marry me?…” Girls be thinking they don’t have any power in these situations! Girls be thinking they be victims and s**t! Why am I writing like a toothless high school drop out? This subject makes me go cray cray.

I don’t care if he is the sexiest dreamboat in all the world, no one should have the ability to turn you into the wreck you’ve become. You can break this pattern. I’ve been where you are. I’ve stared at my phone until I forgot to blink, I’ve sent myself text messages to make sure the phone is working, I’ve refused to go to friends’ houses that don’t have cell reception, I’ve sent myself flowers to make someone jealous… okay, no need for me to continue admitting these things, this really isn’t about me so I’d appreciate it if you stopped judging. I’ve studied the complete history of the Baltimore Ravens so I could convincingly say I was a lifetime fan to impress a guy! Okay, that’s the last one…

You’re better than this behavior. You think you’re lucky to have someone be interested in you, you kill time just waiting for yourself to mess it up because you know you’re so desperate for someone to marry you that you panic at the first sign of any trouble. It’s no way to live. What you need to understand is that no dude is the answer to all your problems. There are a hundred guys who would love to marry you, but you don’t want them. You only want the ones who don’t want to marry you. You’re addicted to the rejection. It’s what’s comfortable. You’d rather complain about not finding anyone than actually do the work it takes to be ready to meet someone and appreciate them.

When someone starts treating you badly or blowing you off, instead of falling apart and finding all the reasons why its your fault, just change your attitude to “eff them”. It’s not your problem. You have no idea what you want or need. You can’t listen to yourself when it comes to this stuff, you’ve had a lifetime of bad habits and you’re just continuing them. Go against your instincts. If someone doesn’t seem interested in you, then you literally laugh it off and just be thankful you figured it out now instead of walking in on them boning your best friend at your birthday party. It doesn’t even mean anything when someone isn’t into you. There is not a woman alive who is beautiful enough, special enough, perfect enough to be wanted by everyone. There are men who think Megan Fox is gross and fake, there are men who think Gisele is too skinny, Halle Berry gets cheated on by, like, everyone. No one is immune to rejection or a little slap in the face by life. You are no better and no worse than these girls, stop thinking its all about you. You have no control over chemistry. You can’t make someone feel for you what you feel for them. So, just move on and the feeling will pass, it always does.

Step it up. Put your shoulders back. Walk with your head held high. Laugh off an insult. Don’t wear colors that are unflattering on you. Beige is probably one of them. Have a little more respect for yourself. It will help remind the rest of us to do the same. F**k with the curve. Go get em, girl.

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  1. [...] the site yourself: Single Girls Guide 18 Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this [...]

  2. I wish I had found this 10 months and 1 day ago. I would have been more of a badass than I already think I am :)

  3. You’re like a mind reader!! Tottaly goin through somethings like that at the moment.. I think I am addicting to the rejection…is there a therapy group for that?! LOL

  4. With help of Erin I feel myself better alone.

  5. Girl!!!!!! you just kill it, this is so true….

  6. I wish I could carry you around in my pocket! I’m always second guessing myself and I feel like I’m always just waiting around for something to happen to me. I’ve only recently started putting myself out there more in the past few years, but I still feel like I’m always getting rejected. I know this sounds pathetic…but sometimes I just want to move to another town because I’m stuck in a rut here!

  7. Girrrrrrrrrrrl yes. I’m so over at watching otherwise totally awesome ladies put themselves out there again and again and again to be shat (?) upon. Heads up ladies: just because a dude is charming and funny doesn’t mean he’s into you. It usually means he’s trying to get laid. Or it just means he’s charming and funny. To everyone. Like one of those really nice guys who strikes up conversations with servers and gas station attendants.

    And like Erin said, you’re totally making us look bad! Guys think we’re clingy and crazy because well, sometimes we are. We should be spending our time doing stuff that males us happy, not making ourselves feel miserable and inadequate over some guy who we probably wouldn’t even like that much once we got to know them.

    And Kim…do not send that GD email! That guy doesn’t deserve you and your cool bangs.

    Keep on keepin’ on Erin!

    Aaaaaaaaaaand scene.

  8. hells yes Girl. preach that shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

  9. thank you erin!! could not have read this at a better time. definitely the kick in the booty that i needed!! keep ‘em coming!

  10. Gah, I love this place.

  11. Wow. I love love love this post! This is exactly what I need to hear right now! :)

  12. YAY for this article!!! Not only are you 100% right, but 100% hilarious.. gosh, us Hello Giggles writers have soooo much in common :) Excellent, fantastical post!

  13. I love you… and all your blogs!

  14. How do you know my soul, Erin? HOW?! It’s freaking me out a little. And I’m forgetting all about you, 6’6″ midwestern kryptonite. Done. Erin said so!

    • You just give him my email and tell him there wont be anymore drunk texts from you anymore :-)

      Erin Foster | 9/26/2011 05:09 pm
  15. Erin thanks for your column. I am in a very awkward place in my love life right now and I think this is just the advice I need.

  16. Erin! I love you, girl. PLEASE update your Totally Confident and Completely Insecure blog. I wanna read more of what you have to say :)

  17. thanks again for showing me I am not the only one in exactly that situation… Men are such jerks *sigh*

    • Nah, they’re not jerks, we have to act like women and not little girls. they just take advantage of what we let them.

      Erin Foster | 9/26/2011 05:09 pm
  18. Ugh, this is me right now. I wish I had the strength to just say “eff him” but HE’S SO CUTE AND FUNNY. Baby steps, right?

    • It’ll sink in eventually when you’re sick of feeling like you do :-)

      Erin Foster | 9/26/2011 05:09 pm
  19. Amen, sister!

  20. erin excellent article we have to do is fall in love with one and not fall in love, as we say here who lost love .

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