Charlie Sheen was right. It’s all about winning. That’s what we all want. It’s an obsession and it’s ruining our lives. Well, it’s ruining my life and I assume yours, too. No, it’s definitely ruining yours, too. I can feel it.
Even the least competitive people find themselves letting their ego get the best of them. We do it a lot when we’re first dating someone. From the earliest flirtation, we’re fighting the urge to let them see how much we like them. We have that voice in our heads telling us to play it cool, let them come to us, let them feel the chase, make them work for it. But if we were just playing from the heart we would say, “I don’t want to be anywhere that you’re not.” Somewhere along the way we lost that honesty and understandably so. Every time we were vulnerable, someone took advantage of it, so pretty soon we just learned that the cool front could delay the pain a bit. Well, it doesn’t actually work but we think it does. Nothing works. If you’re gonna get hurt, it’s going to happen no matter what and I think to look back and know that you gave it your all and showed your cards is where the win really is.
I think it’s a bit Freudian for me to keep using the term “ego”, so lets give it a name. Our ego’s name is Liz. Liz is a jealous bitch. Whenever we get a little insecure, Liz takes over. She needs to know that all of her exes still want her. We certainly don’t want him anymore but she sure as hell feels like he better still want her. For no reason really other than just to know that she’s wanted. The idea of him moving on and thinking of her as a friend, or even worse not thinking of her at all, bruises her and makes her want to act out.
When we meet a nice guy who likes us and treats us the way we’ve always wanted, Liz pipes in and tells us he’s a loser. She rolls her eyes when another girl is getting attention and she loves to pick fights. She’s all pride and lives in constant fear of being rejected. In summation, Liz is the worst.
I think the trick to enjoying our lives has a lot to do with telling Liz to shut it. She’s kept us out of relationships, ruined the ones we’ve been in and made us feel ashamed when we’re not in one.
When we’re too proud to say we’re sorry or to let someone good love us or trust that we aren’t being lied to or be the first to reach out or not have the last word… we’re just killing time being ass***es.
Ya know when you get into a nasty fight and when you make up, you have that conversation where you both explain your side of the story in a mature manner? You go back to the fight saying, “Well, I was only doing that because I felt like maybe you didn’t love me and you didn’t respond to that text and it made me feel like you didn’t care and so then I didn’t call you back and I pretended not to notice that you didn’t respond because I didn’t want to look desperate and when I said I wanted to break up it was only because I thought you probably wanted to so I thought I should say it first…” Those are real conversations that we have. And it’s not even about anything REAL. We waste so much time trying to reject someone before they reject us. If they reject you, I promise it wont be the worse thing that’s ever happened to you.
You’ll never be proud of being proud.
Break the cycle. Kill Liz.
photo credit- www.blippitt.com