Single Girls Guide 12

Why is it that we usually get fat when we’re in love? They say you get fat and happy. I think when we are single, we’re hyper alert about having to be the best version of ourselves at all times because you never know when you’re going to bump into your soulmate and God forbid he sees your muffin top and decides not to love you. So we go to the gym and we get a tan and we hike and we stay on top of our pedicures and our waxes and take exfoliating baths in Epsom salts. We really take it to the next level. Then as soon as we meet someone who says we’re perfect and they love us exactly how we are, we give it all up because doing that stuff is a pain in the ASS.

The next thing they know, we’re ten pounds heavier, our nails are covered in chipped red polish, our roots are at our ears and we’re trying to pass off burping as an endearing habit. They don’t break up with us right away because each of these things on their own couldn’t possibly be a deal breaker, but overall when they said “be yourself”, this isn’t exactly what they had in mind. And when a hot girl walks into the room and he breaks his neck to get a peek, we lose our s**t. But can you blame him, when he hasn’t seen inappropriate cleavage on you since your third date?

Okay, lets take a step back since this isn’t a relationship guide, it’s a singles guide.  We live our life a certain way when we’re single so that we can bag the baddest catch in town. Then when we get ’em, we let it all go. Now, there is a lot to be said for the kind of love where you can be who you are, crying face and all. But our life is so full when we’re single. We take spontaneous trips with our friends, we laugh at the movies alone, we read that one book we’ve been wanting to read and see that one concert we’ve been wanting to see. We live like there might not be a tomorrow. Because every day is different. Then we fall in love and start dropping these things one by one. It doesn’t feel significant at first, but then suddenly your friends aren’t calling you for girls night anymore because they assume you won’t come. The trick is knowing how to be alone and then knowing how to share your life with someone without losing yourself. Some people are only good at one. But that’s not a good enough excuse. Just be good at both, damn it.

While you’re single, it’s important to pay attention to how fun your life is and all the things you say YES to. Wanna have dinner? Yes. Want to go to a party? Yes. Want to drive to Vegas tonight? Yes. Want to go to a dinner where you won’t know anyone except me? Yes. Want to die your hair blue for fun? Yes. Want to want to want to? Yes. Yes. Yes. It’s how we learn what we like and what we hate and how to handle different people in new situations. Don’t lose it. Even if you’re laying in bed with someone you love right now and you’re thinking you might not be the target audience for a single girls guide anymore because you’ve become someone’s girl.

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