Single Girls Guide 10 Erin Foster

Remember that movie ‘Sliding Doors’ with Gwenny Paltrow? It made us think of what could have been if we changed one small detail in our lives. So, maybe if things happened differently you’d be married with three kids by now, you’d have stayed with that horrible boyfriend your friends couldn’t stand, you’d be splitting a mortgage, you’d be stepping over play pens to get the phone, you’d be ignoring your in-laws’ passive aggressive attempts to make you hate yourself, and you’d be wearing mom jeans… but these things didn’t happen. You’re single. You’re SINGLE! You do get that I was trying to make the other version of your life sound terrible, so you’d enjoy this one, right?

 

Here’s the big thing I think we get stuck on: Being single is not just the transitional phase before being married or in a serious relationship. Its not life’s version of us sitting anxiously in a waiting room. You’re not the wallflower on the bleachers wondering if anyone will ever pick you. You might be single for three years. Those three years count. Every single minute counts. They say that life happens between everything else. But then why is it that when you’re chatting at a dinner party the only question people ask you is “Are you dating anyone?” It makes us feel like nothing else is relevant. I’ve had the main toast at Christmas dinner be, “And here’s to Erin hopefully being with someone this time next year!” And when I look around that table and see married couples who haven’t touched each other all night, and whose smiles are forced, and who are minding their P’s and Q’s so they don’t get into trouble, I think to myself that maybe I’m the one who has it figured out instead of the other way around.

 

I’m not saying that being married is awful and being single is the answer. I’m saying that if you’re lacking a partner by your side and you’re seated at the kids’ table, I promise you that your life has already started regardless of what people tell you. Sometimes when we’re in a relationship we get a little set in our ways and stuck. It’s hard to try something new or venture into unknown territory when we have another half who expects consistency in us. I had a boyfriend who was really into food. Like, he loved to order weird shit and would try anything. He was very bossy about trying to get me to be the same way. I felt pressured and so my instinct was to resist it. I decided across the board I wouldn’t try anything he wanted me to. I didn’t want to have the argument every time I ordered spaghetti marinara that I had to broaden my horizons. I refused to eat sushi and it killed him. So by the time I was curious to try something, I was too self-conscious to because he was so used to me being one way I was scared to change in front of him. The first thing I did when I broke up with him was eat sushi. The boundaries someone puts on us when we want to be compatible with them can make our world small. Not always. Love is AMAZING! But it isn’t the answer to anything. So if you haven’t found it yet, don’t wait for it to find happiness. It’s available now, and for free.

 

Happiness is about being proud of who you are. Be a good friend, be a good daughter, be reliable, be willing to laugh when things get tough, compliment other girls, care about your job, believe in yourself, be vulnerable, tell the truth, apologize when needed, forgive people…

 

They say the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. So, water it.

 

Featured Image via  http://missavagardner.tumblr.com

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  1. You know, sister (LA slang), you are so amazing, but having relationship is also amazing, how narrow people who are single without children giving their millions to the dogs and cats as if no any human being on earth was loving to them this earth life.

  2. Loved this guide! For real, it’s like as if I have some kind of disease & I’m being singled out…because I’m single! I just don’t understand the pressure that people give single people. Maybe, deep down, it’s because they’re insecure in their own relationships? I have no idea…but I’m not gonna lie, I don’t mind being single. At. All! In fact, I can’t imagine myself in a relationship right now. I’m not saying I’ll never want one, but right now, I just can’t see it, can’t do it. Nope. Uh-uh. I see my friends & family in their relationships and sometimes…it just seems like too much. What I don’t get is that they look down on me like as if I’m a sad old maid. They really don’t believe me when I say I’m happy just the way I am, being single. Or, they tell me I’m not getting any younger and I need to settle down already. Why? I still have crushes, I hook up ( don’t judge me!), but I don’t have to answer to anyone and explain what I’m doing or where I’m going. I have my space, which I love! How can we prove to our friends that we don’t mind being single sometimes? Ya know? What do you think the reasoning is behind family and friends putting so much pressure on single people to hurry and get into relationships is? That’s my question. Cheesy as it may sound, I am single and loving! Sooo, friends & family…leave me alone! :)

  3. I’m stealing (and crediting you) with the quote for my status…thank you! Please keep writing, your articles are absolutely SPOT ON!!

  4. I love this! I can totally relate about the toast. I just turned 31 last week and my birthday greetings mostly entailed wishing me to find that special someone who will make me happy. I get it and I am grateful that my friends are concern about my happiness but at the same time I want them to understand that my happiness is not only based on finding that great guy. There are so much more out there, so much discoveries about the world, your identity, so much about life. Really well written post, Erin! Will share this on my facebook and twitter friends.

  5. Erin, I loved this. :)

  6. Spot on! Thank you!

  7. SOOOOOOOO TYPICAL ‘The boundaries someone puts on us when we want to be compatible with them can make our world small. ‘ NO ONE PUTS BOUNDARIES ON US. Your posts exemplify everything — every little thing — I am sorry women learned/believed when growing up. Took me a while to get over those James Bond books, but I did. I never could imagine getting married, although I’ve been in a 15 yr relationship, it’s me that doesn’t need a sanction.

  8. “Hapiness is anyone and anything that’s loved by you.”
    Charlie Brown said that an he was right. Let’s just fall in love with everything!
    I loved the whole article, specially the last part.
    Every edition I like SGG more and more! xo <3

  9. This is very well written–the best SGG yet. :)

  10. <3

  11. Thank you. :)

  12. Absolutely right! Live your life now! Even though I’m not single, so much of this article resonates with me too. If I am afraid to try new things (like sushi) I shouldn’t be afraid to do so just because of what my husband might think. And if I’m feeling like that, it’s time to change the relationship – not drop it – because I am married. But I am sending this to all my friends. I wholeheartedly agree with you. The answer isn’t stay to single, or get in a relationship just for the sake of either one, it’s to be true to yourself, know what YOU want, and be happy and your best self where you are!
    AWESOME!

  13. I also really love this. It conveys what I feel anytime I’m with my friends who are chasing after toddlers and telling their “Birth stories” over and over and over again. Thanks again.

  14. Also- the kid’s table is a lot laxer on the table manners. Spoon fight, anyone?

  15. Amen to that Sister, I’m single and proud!

  16. I love this, I don’t understand the pressure to be in relationship and the idea that being single is purely just a transitional period.We should definitely be embracing the single life!

  17. I love these articles! Happiness is about being proud of who you are. I think that’s true, also is important to understand that happiness is a state of mind and not a goal. Thank you for the single girls guide! Officially a fan of your articles!

  18. AMEN

  19. I love this post. This is along the lines of the kind of rant I go off on every single time I tell someone I’m single and they look at me with this expression of sympathy–or is it pity?–and say, “Oh. Well, that’s okay…” Yeah. I know. But thanks for your reassurance. Because I really, really needed your stamp of approval on my lifestyle choice. REALLY.

  20. I’ve never worried about being single and have certainly never thought of it as a waiting game. However I do sometimes worry that my LACK of worrying might make me miss opportunities or not give guys a chance as often as I should. Actually even ending up single when I’m older doesn’t bother me too much (might turn into an old hippy and travel the world lol). Great piece, especially the closing line that I think can be applied to most aspects of life (for me at the moment it’s work). Think I’ll be ‘watering my grass’ a lot more often now x

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