Single Girls Guide 10Erin Foster

Remember that movie ‘Sliding Doors’ with Gwenny Paltrow? It made us think of what could have been if we changed one small detail in our lives. So, maybe if things happened differently you’d be married with three kids by now, you’d have stayed with that horrible boyfriend your friends couldn’t stand, you’d be splitting a mortgage, you’d be stepping over play pens to get the phone, you’d be ignoring your in-laws’ passive aggressive attempts to make you hate yourself, and you’d be wearing mom jeans… but these things didn’t happen. You’re single. You’re SINGLE! You do get that I was trying to make the other version of your life sound terrible, so you’d enjoy this one, right?

 

Here’s the big thing I think we get stuck on: Being single is not just the transitional phase before being married or in a serious relationship. Its not life’s version of us sitting anxiously in a waiting room. You’re not the wallflower on the bleachers wondering if anyone will ever pick you. You might be single for three years. Those three years count. Every single minute counts. They say that life happens between everything else. But then why is it that when you’re chatting at a dinner party the only question people ask you is “Are you dating anyone?” It makes us feel like nothing else is relevant. I’ve had the main toast at Christmas dinner be, “And here’s to Erin hopefully being with someone this time next year!” And when I look around that table and see married couples who haven’t touched each other all night, and whose smiles are forced, and who are minding their P’s and Q’s so they don’t get into trouble, I think to myself that maybe I’m the one who has it figured out instead of the other way around.

 

I’m not saying that being married is awful and being single is the answer. I’m saying that if you’re lacking a partner by your side and you’re seated at the kids’ table, I promise you that your life has already started regardless of what people tell you. Sometimes when we’re in a relationship we get a little set in our ways and stuck. It’s hard to try something new or venture into unknown territory when we have another half who expects consistency in us. I had a boyfriend who was really into food. Like, he loved to order weird shit and would try anything. He was very bossy about trying to get me to be the same way. I felt pressured and so my instinct was to resist it. I decided across the board I wouldn’t try anything he wanted me to. I didn’t want to have the argument every time I ordered spaghetti marinara that I had to broaden my horizons. I refused to eat sushi and it killed him. So by the time I was curious to try something, I was too self-conscious to because he was so used to me being one way I was scared to change in front of him. The first thing I did when I broke up with him was eat sushi. The boundaries someone puts on us when we want to be compatible with them can make our world small. Not always. Love is AMAZING! But it isn’t the answer to anything. So if you haven’t found it yet, don’t wait for it to find happiness. It’s available now, and for free.

 

Happiness is about being proud of who you are. Be a good friend, be a good daughter, be reliable, be willing to laugh when things get tough, compliment other girls, care about your job, believe in yourself, be vulnerable, tell the truth, apologize when needed, forgive people…

 

They say the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. So, water it.

 

Featured Image via  http://missavagardner.tumblr.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/chelyssamae Che’Lyssa McCarthy

    What a great post. I swear I had to read this… Love the quote at the end.

    Watering it…

  • http://www.facebook.com/mnicolassanchez Mireia Nicolas

    Well said, Erin! All too often we see TV series and films making us believe being single is just a transitory state until we’re married, that being married is our ultimate goal, and that grinds my gears. Thank you for talking so much sense, it was direly needed. I love my boyfriend to bits but I have never had as much fun as when I was single and lived with my best friends.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brittany.schernik Brittany Schernik

    I love this. Very encouraging to the “terminally single” like myself.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=7958207 Stephanie Titus

    Being single isn’t a transition! You’re so right! I feel great reading your articles. Please continue writing them, like forever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1659733052 Rachel N. Miller

    Just had to share this on facebook for my single friends (I’m kinda-sorta single too)..and this is a very well written, right the eff on kind of post! Just what I needed to hear….a good kick in the butt that even though I’m constantly asked, “Are you ever going to get married? But we want you to have a BABY soon!!!” that all that doesn’t mean I’m less of a woman because I haven’t done those things yet. (or ever).

  • http://www.facebook.com/hkubicekcoohey Holly Kubicek

    Great post! I’m getting out of a marriage very similar to the one you described, except I don’t wear mom jeans. I married right out of college because that was the “next step”. Now at 34, I’m finally discovering myself. I love being single and the freedom I have when my kids are at their father’s. I’m open to getting married again but this time, I’m not compromising on a thing! My motto is I no longer change men…because it doesn’t happen. I am going to rely on myself and so far, its made me the happiest I’ve ever been!

    Love your SGG – it’s truly helping me make sense of this new direction in my life.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=552436888 Erin Foster

      I’m so happy for you and so glad you’re getting so much out of the SGG :-)

    • Anonymous

      This piece was a lifejacket that saved me from dronnwig.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1526689013 Sv Holmes

    They say the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. So, water it.

    Thank you for my inspirational quote of the day………

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512863972 Becki Bee

    I’ve never worried about being single and have certainly never thought of it as a waiting game. However I do sometimes worry that my LACK of worrying might make me miss opportunities or not give guys a chance as often as I should. Actually even ending up single when I’m older doesn’t bother me too much (might turn into an old hippy and travel the world lol). Great piece, especially the closing line that I think can be applied to most aspects of life (for me at the moment it’s work). Think I’ll be ‘watering my grass’ a lot more often now x

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=552436888 Erin Foster

      good! xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandy.burnell Brandy Denise Burnell

    I love this post. This is along the lines of the kind of rant I go off on every single time I tell someone I’m single and they look at me with this expression of sympathy–or is it pity?–and say, “Oh. Well, that’s okay…” Yeah. I know. But thanks for your reassurance. Because I really, really needed your stamp of approval on my lifestyle choice. REALLY.

  • http://www.facebook.com/melanierose3 Melanie Boulanger

    AMEN

  • http://www.facebook.com/Caro.Gom Carolina Gómez Sánchez

    I love these articles! Happiness is about being proud of who you are. I think that’s true, also is important to understand that happiness is a state of mind and not a goal. Thank you for the single girls guide! Officially a fan of your articles!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=552436888 Erin Foster

      i have a fan!

  • http://www.facebook.com/charlotte.amelia.lingard Charlotte Amelia

    I love this, I don’t understand the pressure to be in relationship and the idea that being single is purely just a transitional period.We should definitely be embracing the single life!

  • http://www.facebook.com/olivia.smithers Olivia Smith

    Amen to that Sister, I’m single and proud!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jocelynplease Jocelyn Dugan

    Also- the kid’s table is a lot laxer on the table manners. Spoon fight, anyone?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=664680036 Heather Clark

    I also really love this. It conveys what I feel anytime I’m with my friends who are chasing after toddlers and telling their “Birth stories” over and over and over again. Thanks again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/erohde Elona Newren Rohde

    Absolutely right! Live your life now! Even though I’m not single, so much of this article resonates with me too. If I am afraid to try new things (like sushi) I shouldn’t be afraid to do so just because of what my husband might think. And if I’m feeling like that, it’s time to change the relationship – not drop it – because I am married. But I am sending this to all my friends. I wholeheartedly agree with you. The answer isn’t stay to single, or get in a relationship just for the sake of either one, it’s to be true to yourself, know what YOU want, and be happy and your best self where you are!
    AWESOME!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=552436888 Erin Foster

      couldn’t have said it better myself. xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/vanessawieland Vanessa Wieland

    Thank you. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=552436888 Erin Foster

    <3

  • http://www.facebook.com/katie.jones2 Katie Jones

    This is very well written–the best SGG yet. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/anaid.fo Anaid Fornelli

    “Hapiness is anyone and anything that’s loved by you.”
    Charlie Brown said that an he was right. Let’s just fall in love with everything!
    I loved the whole article, specially the last part.
    Every edition I like SGG more and more! xo <3

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