There’s a line in Empire Records where a young, feisty Reneé Zellweger snarks at one of her coworkers, “Well Sinead O’Rebellion! Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior!” This was, of course, only a few years after Sinead O’Connor tore up a photo of Pope John Paul II during her live broadcast performance on Saturday Night Live. I think it’s safe to say that the lady is missing a few screws. Strong in her convictions, yes, but still missing a few screws. Yet, for some reason, shock-inducing celebs like O’Connor, Tiger Blood Charlie Sheen and umbrella-wielding Britney are totally fascinating to me. Because they are bonkers. And we’re all a little bit bonkers, are we not? It’s unfortunate for famous folk though because when they have a moment, there’s approximately 3,948,302 paps there to capture it. Alternately, when I have a moment, if I can get through it without calling my boyfriend in a tantrum of tears, it’s a pretty good day.
Anyways, Sinead’s gone done been bonkers again. But this time, in a way that I can totally (pretty much) understand. O’Connor has been married four times, most recently to an Irish drug counselor (a drug counselor from Ireland, not a counselor of Irish drugs only … if those even exist) whom she split from last year. Now, at age 46, O’Connor (who also hails from Ireland) says:
“You’re not allowed to talk about sex in Ireland. The last four boyfriends I’ve had, their mothers have refused to meet me because I wrote articles about sex. Now I have a rule – I don’t go out with anyone whose mother isn’t dead.”
I think we’ve all been there to some degree. At least the hyperbolic aspect of it. There’s a chance that she’s totally serious, and if that’s the case, you go,
Glenn Coco, Sinead. After four marriages at 46, you’re bound to be a little picky, right? I mean, I guess you could also be less picky and see where that gets you, but if Sinead wants a motherless husband, I’ll bet there’s a 75-year-old anarchist somewhere out there for her. There’s also bound to be an online dating site for that kind of thing these days, I’m sure of it. “Motherless Mingle”? I don’t know, though. That has major Mommy Issues written all over it if you ask me. Which you didn’t.
“I recently read of a woman in America who married and regularly humps her truck. I don’t yet own a truck but I’m beginning to understand her head space … My shit-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners.”
I have a friend who hasn’t had sex in a full calendar year and she stares at half-decent dudes like a child of famine set before a caged steak dinner, so again, I get the hyperbolic aspect of it. And again, she could be totally serious, so gird your yams, people. Regardless, I salute Sinead for staying crazy after all these years and finally going for what she really wants in a lover. Which may actually just be a vibrator and a therapist.