Last night, I taught a Zumba class on my own for the first time, in front of 25 women. Most of them complete strangers. Most of them staring directly at me and relying on me to not screw up.
Rewind 14 years to the 4th grade, where I had to give a speech on… well, frankly I can’t remember what it was on because I was so crippled by shyness and social anxiety. I remember standing up in front of all my classmates and completely and utterly losing the ability to talk and function like a normal human being.
Ever since I can remember I’ve been an awkward person. This isn’t just a self-prescribed diagnosis. Many, many people have informed me that I’m shy, in one way or another. “Why are you blushing so hard?” “Wow, I never hear you talk.” “Honey, just answer the phone, it won’t bite.” As if I wasn’t already blatantly aware of it, there were reminders at every corner.
Both my parents are social butterflies. My mom was school captain in high school, and my dad is the life of every party. So, why the shyness on my part? Surely their outgoing nature should’ve rubbed off on me? It wasn’t until I went to university and began studying Psychology that I realised not all aspects of our personality are heritable. I wasn’t a freak just because I couldn’t function in front of a group of staring, judging classmates or stumbled over almost every word in a job interview, and neither was anyone else who suffered in the same way.
When I joined a gym in 2007, I was petrified at the thought of wearing skin-tight clothing and sweating in front of strangers. But, I forced myself to go on occasion because I was paying for it, so why waste the money? It wasn’t until 2 years later that I got up the courage to try group exercise classes, where even more people were there to potentially watch and judge me. I started to gradually push myself out of my comfort zone and, though it took a lot longer than the “average” person, I began attending the classes regularly… and enjoying them.
One thing I’d refused to try was Zumba because… well, you’ve probably seen the advertisements. Zumba is a “party” – it’s all about shaking your booty and thrusting your hips, right? I’m no prude, but the thought of doing those things in front of strangers, in a structured, well-lit room was… basically, pretty terrifying. One day I’d forgotten to check the class schedule and, as luck would have it, I walked straight into a Zumba class without realising. As it began, and the realisation washed over me, so too did the shyness and anxiety. I couldn’t leave now that I was stuck there. If I left everyone would watch me and think I was a quitter. So, I stayed. And you know what? I loved it.
Fast-forward two years and here I am teaching Zumba. Don’t get me wrong, teaching that first class was completely nerve-wracking and I felt anxious for days beforehand. But once the adrenalin kicked in and I saw the smiling faces in the audience, I felt okay. I got through it. And for the record? I didn’t screw up. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that shyness, or social anxiety, isn’t the end of the world and it isn’t permanent. I’m not saying Zumba cured me. When I’m on that stage I do still feel like the lanky, skinny girl with practically non-existent boobs and big teeth that I’ve always been. But the next time I get freaked out over a job interview or a presentation at work, I remind myself that I can be brave. I can stand up in front of a group of people and shake my booty until it’s practically ready to fall off, so I know that I can step out of my comfort zone when I need to.
Some days are worse than others, but I no longer refer to myself exclusively as “shy.” Sure, I’ll probably always be at least a little awkward and anxious around new people and in intimidating situations, but so what? Everyone has something they’re good at or something they can excel at, it’s just a matter of exploring your options and finding what makes you grow as a person. It’s no easy journey for us shy girls, but that just makes us all the more courageous!
You can read more from Ellie Johnston on her blog.
Feature image via.
It’s great to hear of people going through the same things I go through. As a shy person, I’ve always surrounded myself with outgoing people because that way I don’t have to be the one doing the talking, but on the other hand, it’s always made me feel like I’m the odd one out. I used to think there was something dysfunctional about me and I would never find success, until I read an article on how this society puts too much pressure on people to be “extroverted” when being “introverted” isn’t something we can so easily change. I think it’s a matter of finding the right balance between accepting who you are and pushing yourself to do the things you’ve always wanted to but never thought you could.
Thanks for the positive feedback, ladies! Glad I’m not alone in my shyness.
I feel like I am reading my own life story here. My mom was a cheerleader in high school and my dad has always been able to talk to just about anyone. Me on the other hand cannot stand in front of people without getting extremely nauseous or awkward. It’s even affecting how I think about my future. (You don’t even want to know how many “Jobs for Shy People” articles I’ve read this summer.) Thank you for this! Maybe I’ll try those Zumba classes at my school come Fall.
I’m shy as well. Not to my friends, but to strangers I’m shy too. I remember when I joined the gym too, I has so many anxiety attacks but I’m better now!!! Good for you
i’m shy and have some anxiety too. Takes me a little longer to warm up to people. I get anxious over doing ‘new’ things.
sounds soo much like me.
I am and always will a socially awkward and shy girl especially around new people. It’s always taken me a little bit longer to warm up to people. I’ve heard the “you really don’t talk much” line a million times and it used to drive me crazy and it still does occasionally but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to shrug it off or sometimes I’ll say “yeah, sometimes I just like taking in all in first. I like observing.” sometimes I’ll get a nod or they may just choose not to acknowledge it all. But now I feel comfortable in my own skin for the most part. I embrace my nerdy, awkward, shy self and yes, standing in front of a group of people can still frighten the crap out of me but it’s reading articles like this that make me feel like I’m not alone and that it’s cool to be a shy girl. Thank you
I have struggled with several types of anxiety all my life includong general andsocial anxiety, separation anxiety and OCD. Its hard but it makes me who i am. With the right medication i have overcome my social anxiety by about 70%
I also notice a lot of people who have depression and anxiety are often the most creative and funny!
I agree! I’ve had social anxiety, general anxiety everything and it really makes us see the world differently. It’s like our super power! It makes us great poets, artists whatever you like because we know what it feels like to feel different and that makes some of the best creative works in my humble opinion anyway.
I’m definitely shy and socially awkward, so much so that when I had to do a presentation in front of a class of people I had only known for four days, I spent the time waiting to go up there trying to calm my nerves while avoiding vomiting and/or peeing my pants. At the end of the month I had to do another presentation and I was nowhere near as nervous. It takes time for me to come out of my shell (I hardly talked to anyone in that class either) and I think I come off as bitchy or extremely weird.
I’m also a part of a outgoing family – my mom, my sisters (2), my cousins, my grandparents, etc. and, though my dad is generally quiet, him too. My friends are also outgoing too. I feel sooo weird sometimes, but I do try to bring myself out of my comfort zone even if I do feel like I’m going to vomit and/or pee my pants.
*pretty sure
I’m pretty my emotions, which I can’t seem to hide, always come off as bitchy or super strange. I’m working on it
Also, if there were species of social butterflies, my younger sister would be a monarch! I don’t know how she does it.
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