A Shy Girl's Guide To Hitting On GuysRobyn Macy

Dear Shy Girls,

Yes you, the ones who refuse to try online dating but complain guys are never interested in you. I’m talking to you. I get you. I understand how even the idea of approaching a strange man that you find attractive makes you blush and shake your head furiously. Please, understand that I’ve been there. I’m here as your Fairy God Sister to impart on you wisdom that I’ve collected in my years as a shy girl trying to break out from the shadows.

1) The Direct Approach
Scenario: Tall, dark and handsome is sitting at the counter at your local bookshop/coffee shop/bar. Let’s call him TDH and he’s, for one moment, not surrounded by his equally tall, dark and handsome friends. This is your moment. You stand next to him, glance at his glass/cup/book and ask what he’s drinking/reading.

Shy girls, please bare with me! Stop shaking your head so furiously. Think for a moment how he is going to respond. He will either answer by telling you about his novel/coffee/beer and start a conversation or he’ll respond and go back to not realizing you ever existed. No human would humiliate someone for asking a simple question. I mean, think about it in reverse, would you laugh in a guy’s face for asking what you were drinking/reading? So walk up to TDH, say, “What’s that? It looks good” with genuine curiosity and see where it will lead you.

2) The Elementary School Move

Scenario: TDH was just spotted walking into your class. You had no idea he was even into historical literature, but there he is, looking all TDH. Know what you need to do? You need to sit next to him.

Your head is going to fly off if you keep saying no that much, Shy Girl. I’m going to drop a knowledge bomb on you right now: The more you put out there, the more you’ll get in return. If you study hard for a test, you’ll get a good grade. If you make the first subtle move, you will get noticed. Now, what I’ve done in the past to move things along is a bold girl move. I like to pass notes to the guy — a la elementary school. Writing down fun quotes from movies can sometimes work. A little Step Brothers, maybe? This move obviously has more at stake. The guy could not recognize the quote or he might not be interested. The worst that happens is you get a weird look, promise.

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  1. From the point of view of a shy guy I can say that stuff like this occasionally happens to me and it really makes my day when it does.

    However, from the point of view of a short, fair man, why is tall, dark and handsome the go to hot description for guys?

  2. “If you study hard for a test, you’ll get a good grade. If you make the first subtle move, you will get noticed.”

    GIRLS, please please please stop making subtle moves. Contrary to this article you will get noticed much much less if you make a subtle move as opposed to an obvious move. Obvious moves don’t seem desperate to us, heck because men are the master’s of obvious moves. That’s all we know.

    If you want to get somewhere with a guy and you’ve only got one shot, make it an obvious move. Subtlety has never gotten anyone anywhere.

    I hope this helps any girls at all, I truly do. :)

  3. As a guy, I’d like a girl to try #3, and if she can pick up on my Friends quote response: “gum would be perfection,” she’s a keeper.

    And #4 does work because I’ve been in bars, and girls have asked me or one of my friends to take their picture; then they sort of hang around for us to start a conversation with them.

  4. My brain looks at this and says, “I can do that.” Then my social anxiety kicks in and I start to panic just reading it. My shrink and I have had this conversation many times. :/

  5. It’s “please bear with me,” not “please bare with me.” Unless we are all getting naked. Which is not a problem for me, because I am not shy, but I will pass your great advice along to my shy friends!

  6. All a girl has to do is ask. Most guys like when a girl will just talk to them. Guys are shy too. Make the first move

  7. Love this, thank you Fairy godSister!

  8. Robyn Macy if I could go back in time and tell myself these things I totally would. Thank you for sharing this I was hugely shy as a teenager, then as a twenty-something something snapped and I thought “Hey tdh I’m gonna tell you you’re TDH and see what happens.” Nothing bad EVER happened sometimes nothing at all happend but at least I put myself out there and my confidence went through the roof

  9. Thank you for these *go back in corner*