Shiny & Stamos (or Sarah and Annie, as you may alternatively know them) met in the fall of 2009 in a dark, soulless creative writing classroom. Sarah admired Annie’s silky hair and wild outfits. Annie liked Sarah’s snacks and multicolored eyes. Even better, when it came time to share our so-called “work”, we made an extraordinarily creepy discovery. Our writing was almost exactly the same. Like, down to an identical description of a deliriously cheerful girl drinking soda out of a Twizzler straw. A friendship was born!
Within a few months, Sarah had packed up her things in East LA and moved West to Santa Monica, to a house just two blocks from Annie’s. Thus began the long days and nights of buying stickers, applying nail polish and sitting on each other’s beds looking at each other’s rooms. We started writing a movie together. We were pretty much obsessed. And then work took Sarah to New York City for five months. Exciting, sure, but also tragic. Heartbreaking. Unfair. Criminal, even. What were we to do? As you’ve probably guessed, the answer is obvious: care packages. The single best way for girls like us to stay in touch and show we care. Semi-weekly packages of vintage Lisa Frank accessories, unicorn lipsticks, and neon stuffed animals crossed the country. The five months passed. And now, as Sarah prepares for her return to LA (Who are we kidding? Her return to Annie!), we decided to present The Ultimate Care Package to each other over the Internet.
From Sarah to Annie:
1. A House Shaped Like a Fish
Okay, this house doesn’t actually look as much like a fish as the house I would have designed and built for Annie if I could, but it comes pretty darn close. Here’s the thing about Annie: she loves fishies. In fact, she loves all aquatic life. Don’t even get her started on aquariums (I’m pretty sure she’s incapable of writing a TV show or movie that doesn’t involve a pivotal scene taking place at an aquarium). Back in Santa Monica, Annie dubbed her amazingly cool, soothing, beachy bedroom “The Boat” and filled it with all manner of nautical and aquatic-themed items. How awesome would it be if “The Boat” could exist inside a HOUSE SHAPED LIKE A FREAKING FISH?! Note: Those of you interested in the actual fish-house pictured above can obsess over it in Berkeley, CA.
2. A Neon Sailboat Romper
Given my excitement over the Fish House, the reasons I think this would be perfect for Annie should be fairly clear. The name actually says it all. This item is literally titled “Neon Sailboat Romper”. Every word in that description fits Annie to a (brightly colored) tee. Let’s break it down. “Neon” is probably Annie’s favorite color. She is drawn to it like a moth to a flame, except instead of a moth she’s a neon-colored butterfly. And the flame is glowing neon colors. Against a neon background. And the butterfly’s name is Neon. “Sailboat” fits perfectly into Annie’s I-wish-I-were-at-sea-right-now lifestyle. She’d love it if the world was conducted by everyone shouting to each other from our respective sailboats. And lastly, “Romper”. As explained above, Annie’s unique and impressive fashion sense was one of the first things that I noticed about her. Unlike many of us, she does not fear the romper. Unlike even more of us, she can actually pull one off. Oh, and did I mention this is vintage from the 80s? I really should have double-checked that Annie isn’t the one selling this item from her personal collection.
3. A Watermelon Manicure
I’m not sure if this would entail me sending Annie the nail polish and a how-to manual, or hiring some awesome nail-art expert to show up at Annie’s bedroom or possibly the gym before work in order to do the manicure for her while she ellipticals, but someway, somehow, Annie should have this manicure. It’s fresh. It’s adorable. It’s summery. It’s Annie. We both love nail polish, nail art, getting manicures, doing our nails by ourselves, doing our nails with each other, using stickers as nail polish, and being jealous of each other’s nails. I would love for Annie to spend a week or two this August sporting this sick ‘n juicy nail art just so I can gawk at it when I’m back in LA and tell her repeatedly that I want it, too.
From Annie to Sarah:
1. Poster-Sized Photo of Sprout
Sarah loves dogs. Yeah, a lot of people love dogs. But not many people love dogs as much as Sarah does. She spends the majority of her time thinking about dogs. And a majority of that majority is spent thinking about Sprout. This is Sprout:
Sprout belongs to Sarah’s older sister Emily but the way she talks about that pup makes you think she was cut from Sarah’s very own flesh and blood. She loves Sprout so much her heart literally aches when she cannot be near her. And I know that some people get annoyed when you use the word literally and you don’t actually mean something literally, but in this case I mean it. That is how much Sarah loves Sprout. I know that no care package for Sarah would be complete without some sort of tribute to that little moppet. I mean, sure, ideally I’d just send her Sprout. But that would involve kidnapping. So I think a giant poster-sized photo, along with a few wallet-sized pics, might be the next-best thing.
2. Glitter Encrusted Pony
When news broke that upon her engagement Kim Kardashian had glitter-encrusted ponies prancing about, I knew that the one person more deserving of a glitter-encrusted pony, besides Ms. Kardashian, was my BFF Sarah. I mean, her Twitter handle is “Shiny Unicorn”. On Foursquare, if you want to check into her home in LA, you do so at the “Unicorn Lair”. Even her temporary apartment in New York had a Foursquare check-in, this time it was “Glimmer Mountain”. I mean, this one is pretty self-explanatory.
3. One of the Olsen Twins. Ideally both of them.
Look. No one said this care package had to be completely attainable (although, if this really were a dire situation and I needed to send Sarah an Olsen Twin I think I could make it happen). Sarah loves the Olsen Twins. Then again, what girl who grew up in the 80s and 90s doesn’t? But Sarah doesn’t just love them for their impossibly cool fashion sense and impossibly big eyes, she also loves their work – their entire collection of Olsen Twin movies, CDs, the multiple clothing lines – all of it. I don’t know if there’s anything about the Olsen Twins that Sarah doesn’t like.
In an ideal world Sarah would receive this care package via courier. And when I say courier, I mean that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen would be riding a glitter encrusted pony (detachable unicorn horn preferred but optional) and they would be holding Sprout. Yes, I believe that would be the ideal way to present Sarah with this Ultimate Care Package.
In just a few weeks Shiny & Stamos will reunite for the first time since Sarah hugged Annie goodbye that fateful day in March. And even though we’ll once again be two blocks away, you better believe those care packages will keep on coming!