Secret Single Behavior

Ladies, ladies, ladies –

Let’s get real here. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of personal antics. You all have them. Don’t deny it. Every single one of you take ownership of your weird, right here and right now. Yes, I’m talking about your secret single behavior. And don’t let the ‘single’ part of that phrase fool you. You don’t have to be single to have this type of behavior. In fact, you probably cherish this activity most when you’re in a relationship because you can break free from the chains of ::whispers:: your partnered self. Secret single behavior is that thing or things you only dare act out when you are absolutely alone.  While solo, you do it unabashedly and enjoy the s**t out of it. And, if you haven’t caught the reference already, I’m sure you are all familiar with the Sex and the City episode where the girls share theirs. Carrie owns up to eating stacks of saltines with grape jelly while standing in the kitchen flipping through fashion mags, Charlotte divulges her intense pore examinations and Miranda shares her Vaseline hand moisturizing technique accompanied by infomercial watching.  It got me to thinking, “What are my secret behaviors?” which led me to think “What are EVERYONE ELSE’S secret behaviors?’ And since I like to project my discomfort on to others I decided to send out my lady bat signal to gather up some of the answers. I have left these amazing answers anonymous because although I may like to make my friends squirm, I’m not cruel. Plus, I like my friends and want them to stick around for awhile (even if they are weird as hell).  So away we go!

– “Pluck my eyebrows at the dining room table because that is where the light is best.”

– “Walking around my neighborhood with scissors cutting other peoples flowers for a bouquet in my apartment.”

– “When I’m unsure of an outfit, I’ll use Photobooth to get a more ‘real-life’ view. In my head, the picture is a closer equivalent to how people actually see me. Writing this out just solidified my crazy.”

– “I choreograph stripper girl routines, with the music at full volume.  The music is sexy and in my head, so are my moves.  I do this when I am feeling bad or unattractive.  I feel sexier and happier after I do it.  Even though I am sure I look like a moron.”

– “I ‘plate’ my food all fancy-like and present it to myself.”

– “I will Nair my feet if I feel they get too ‘hairy’.”

– “I love watching those murder mystery shows on ID. I never bring it up with anyone, but all those horrible shows with Paula Zahn when she interviews the family and the murderer in jail. They show horrible re-enactments with bad actors.”

– “I try on clothes that rarely fit me as a means to see if I’ve gained or lost weight.”

– “I eat chocolate fudge cake while sitting on the couch watching romantic comedies.”

– “While I wait for coffee to be ready, I will sometimes eat peanut butter from the jar and salt each individual spoon bite.”

– “I will sit naked in my apartment, on a towel on the couch, and drink wine and smoke cigarettes while watching countless hours of Law & Order. I will pluck my errant pubic hairs sometimes while doing this.”

– “Doing squats and leg lifts while brushing my teeth.”

– “Google/Facebook old friends/exes while drinking wine – it’s like reading TMZ, except that I know everyone.”

– “Face freshly scrubbed, I love to sit in front of my makeup vanity mirror – you know, the one that magnifies the hell out of my face. I could tweeze the night away. Just when I think I’m finished – another fine little stray hair appears. I like to finish the plucking off with some serious pore examination. I could sit there for hours, squeezing & poking.”

– “Wake up on Saturday morning and do nothing but order Papa John’s and watch Full House.”

– “I wear a mouthguard to bed at night.”

– “One of mine is putting on my iPod, turning the volume all the way up, and singing along to each song as if I’m the half-time show at the Superbowl while I clean my bathroom.”

– “This week I have secretly been eating meat for lunch because it’s kosher for Passover and I have been hiding in the back of the cafeteria so no one knows I am doing it.  Before this I was a pescatarian for almost 7 years!”

– “Trimming hairs… everywhere!”

– “You know how in Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith and Christina ‘dance it out’.  I have been doing that for years, ever since I can remember.  It can range from modern dance, ballet or simply jumping around.”

– “Doing an Aztec secret clay mask while watching General Hospital.”

– “I get an embarrassing lot of takeaways [take out] when I’m alone. Miranda’s chinese- embarassing.”

– “Watching REALLY bad TV. This includes High School Musical and the sequels to The Cutting Edge. I believe they are ABC Family, made for TV. Also the Cinderella Story and its sequels.”

– “Doing the dishes in high heels – NAKED!”

And, those are just some of the answers I received! A lot of the answers had to do with plucking and poking and prodding and, surprisingly, many answers were similar. Ladies, don’t feel alone in your weird! I’m sure you all know what’s coming next. Yep, you got it. Your turn. Since we’ve proven everyone does it and you now have detailed accounts of the strange, tell us yours. What is your secret single behavior? The juicier, the better. I bet you will be surprised at the fact that you may even find your secret single behavior soulmate somewhere along the way.

Image via KellyAnnStudio

  • Sarah Jones

    When I want cereal, I’ll eat a handful out of the box, then have a drink of milk out of the carton. Repeat. Also, lots of dancing.

  • Catrina Huskey

    I like to floss my teeth and then smell the floss. It’s disgusting. I also watch Intervention on Netflix over and over. And I have a secret song I sing to my bed about how much I love it.

  • Rebecca Kennedy

    I always love to watch bad cheesy movies when I have alone time– be it while I do college work, art work, or just painting my nails. Something Borrowed is on as I type! And I’m an infamous popper…. a good pore hunt goes on if I’m near a mirror!

  • Rachel Casey

    mouthgaurd at night and really really bad true crime/ trashy documentaries i.e Monsters inside me etc.

  • Laura Ayres

    When making a glass of chocolate or strawberry milk, I’ll have a couple teaspoons of Quick chocolate milk powder or strawberry milk powder plain. When you combine them, it almost tastes like chocolate covered strawberries!

  • Jessica Jeffers

    I named the hair that grows in my cleavage. Her name is Beatrice and she has a weekly date with my tweezers. Also, I squeeze every blackhead I find on my chin.

  • Johanna Sch

    Whenever I’m hungry & getting ready to fix a meal, I sing the “Food, glorious food” song from Ice Age 2. I also watch any and all home/makeover/reality competition series I can find, and get weirdly emotionally attached to them (crying over Biggest Loser eliminations are normal).

  • Jeremy Winchester

    I make up and sing silly songs every morning at work about the people I receive emails from. I also do a vigorous stomping, pelvis gyrating dance before a shower–in the hope that the brief, daily exertion is helping my abs. It’s not.

    • Bambi Troxell

      that made me laugh so hard. lol

  • Kassie McCright

    “I love watching those murder mystery shows on ID. I never bring it up with anyone, but all those horrible shows with Paula Zahn when she interviews the family and the murderer in jail. They show horrible re-enactments with bad actors.”

    I do this!! Except I’m not embarassed by it or hide it.. I actually frequently discuss the interesting and crazy stuff that happens on the ID channel. I love that channel! Should I be ashamed of this? It’s better than watching Jersey Shore. Which I also do..

  • Michelle Grove Shaffer

    I will have conversations with my dog when I get home from work….which involves me singing much of it at the top of my lungs while he howls along.

    • Julia Kubke

      Hah…I do the same with my cats :D…I do also have serious conversations with them…in englisch! I have to admit, I’m from germany and I really don’t know why I’m takling eglish to my cats since my vacation in the usa …I think thats really weird, bcause they probably do not understand a word ;D

  • Pim Robert

    Sit on the couch, naked but a towel wrapped round my head, eating chips w/ salsa, while watching Hoarders.

  • Bianca Cassiotis

    I speak to my dog in our own language. Loads of plucking (not the dog, me)
    And dancing. And a weekly self scrutiny sesh that can last hours. It can be as dramatic as a Law & Order ep. It’s fun being a woman

  • Kora Demille

    I will sit and eat half a bottle of sprinkles, and I dine on Spaghetti-O’s every chance I get. Like many of you, I also squeeze the pores, sing to the cats (bizarre lyrics), watch bad television in my pj’s all day when the Mister is away, and smell my dental floss. I’m so happy that I’m not alone!!!

  • Geraldine Lenagh

    I have to strongly disagree with High School Musical being REALLY bad TV. Whoever wrote that obviously needs to watch it again, because it is awesome and funny and makes me fall a little bit in love with all of the actors. So there.

  • Alice Lum

    This is by far, one of the best articles I have read! It’s so true!
    And actually, most of the above apply to me! hahaha I’m so glad that I am not the only one!

  • Amy Waterhouse-Carter

    I like to drink tea and eat biscuits in the bath. Earl grey if I’m feeling fancy. I also watch 2-3 episodes of criminal minds a day, regardless of how often I’ve seen them. Sometimes on the laptop while I’m eating biscuits in the bath.

    • Gwen Murray

      I take bubblebaths on Thursday and I watch reruns of Glee, Smash, New Girl, Friends, etc. on my laptop, all the while either eating Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey or drinking a pitcher of margarita. : )

  • Ana Lugo

    I watch Gilmore Girls in sequence.. over and episode a day.. and yes, I’m a little bit ashamed of that.. I also like to lay on a towel on my couch naked right out of the shower and pluck my eyebrows.. it’s funny, just the other day I was thinking “If I get a boyfriend, my naked eyebrow plucking will have to stop..” and I got kind of sad.. lol

    • Alise Versella

      i love gilmore girls and there are so many habits that i would have to hide if i get a boyfriend is it sad that this realization is makin gus sad? lol :)

  • Becky Merfalen

    create many different options on bagels . for example, one bagel i will divide in 4 ways and put pb on one 1/4 and then cream cheese on another, jelly on the other 1/4 and butter with cinnamon sugar. also lots of brie on crackers, sometimes a whole wheel can be eaten and i wont even realize it! all the while lots of romantic comedies are being watched and wine is being consumed.

  • Molly Franken

    I have to tell everyone how much I love all your sharing! These are GREAT. Thanks for dishing, guys. Keep ’em coming.

  • Sophie McKenzie

    I watch sex in the city over and over again starting from the first episode and getting all the way through the shoebox, generally whislt tidying my room. I now know every episode off by heart and can tell without looking which episode it is. Also singing the elephant love scene from Moulin Rouge from start to finish (including the very high note
    at the end)
    alone in my room.

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