When you think a loving thought about someone, it’s like a singular and unique bubble of positivity that, unless communicated to that person, evaporates into nothing, wasted. Why not give it life? Give that gift of insight to a person that will be changed by it. If there’s anything the world always needs more of, it’s positivity. If it’s telling a stranger that you like their shoes or telling your new significant other that you more than like them. Even asking an overworked grocery clerk, “How are you?” All of those instincts that pop up inside you could do a lot of good if you just let them be known. Whatever goodness you are able to see in others or in the world, the next time it pops into your head, consider saying it. Even if it feels weird. At first it probably will and you’ll think that your timing was off or you’re weird or some other social faux pas has been committed, but it will feel more natural pretty quick. And you will be creating goodness and strength in the world, out of thin air.
Consider how often you don’t say loving things out loud as you are thinking them, to a family member, a best friend or even a stranger. Sometimes it’s because it would interrupt a moment that you don’t want to spoil, other times it’s because “you’re just not like that” or “they’re just not like that” or “it would be weird”. Maybe that doesn’t have to be true. The more you tell people how you feel about them, the more they will know you and know themselves. Everyone wants to be understood and seen, but most of the time when others see them, they don’t voice it. Your vision of them will actually render their own understanding of themselves and you will be a positive influence on their personality by recognizing those traits. Even if they dismiss you what you’ve said will secretly sink in. It’s almost like you add points to things by liking them. A color on someone or the way they talk to waiters; if you let them know you have noticed how compassionate they are, they will in turn know themselves better and feel that part of them is more real because it has been validated. It solidifies an intention as true, not to be doubted, because it has been recognized by an outside party. It’s like when someone insults you and it makes you feel that it must be true, despite knowing yourself well enough to know that it’s not.
Of course, the bigger scarier one that can be difficult to physically get out of your throat is “I love you”. It feels like so much is on the line and you are making a disclosure that will remove all armor, leaving your heart open for potential shattering. More and more I am learning that the cliches are true. “Greater risk, greater reward.” You have so much more to lose by not saying something this big if you feel it wholeheartedly, and moments in a relationship only happen once. You don’t get to rewind to the right point in “the newness” of a relationship. And you are actively deciding the path you’re on by your actions. It’s almost like you are walking through tall grass together and deciding whether or not you’re going to walk up to the top, or wander, or part for separate paths. If you take someone’s hand and start walking up hill, they’re more likely to see your intentions and feel emboldened by them. Many times a person will see how you feel and then fully show up too, now safe in the knowledge enough to fully reciprocate it. If they do not, if they are afraid, then it is not meant to be and should not be, even if that means it’s not right at this point in time. Your truth should always been your truth, never betrayed for anyone, never suffocated or denied. Your feelings are always valid, no matter what they are. Let go of the outcome and remember if you are true to yourself, there is nothing more you can do but be hopeful and loving.
There is such a thing as good timing, and if you are not gifted in this area you can be in my club. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. It’s not the deciding factor in the fate of a relationship. If you are honest and loving, you will find another who is too. Life is too short to not tell people that you love them. When someone tells you that they love you, it builds a stronger more real version of love, because it has been confirmed to all facets of your brain, including the darkened corners that might have had shades of doubt or shades of not-enough. Telling someone you love them is never wasted, even if they don’t say it back. All it can do is hurt you if you trap it inside. Because without putting it out there you’re never in the game. You will not find the perfect recipient if you’re not calling out to them.
If you are the type of person that can say your truth without any expectation or need for that love to be requited, then you are on a wonderful path that will reward you in your life in more ways than you could ever know. You will go deeper and feel more returned to you because this is true about you. To walk heart-first (and sometimes get hurt), is to truly offer yourself to others. It is to be open, it is to welcome fully every opportunity to be loved in return. And that makes you special, and in my opinion very lucky. You are authentic, and that is the most valuable trait in a person that I know. Keeping looking ahead to what you want, you will find it, or more likely it will find you.
Happy Sunday, love to you all. xox Sarah
Featured image © eyecatcher on Flickr