Belz on Bell

Saved By The Bell S4E20: ‘Snow White and the Seven Dorks'

Welcome to Drama class! Zack mentions that he’s a star actor – he’s had so many performances in the Principal’s Office that he should win an Oscar!  Zack can currently be seen in Franklin & Bash.

In walks Mr. Bainbridge, who announces that today they’ll pick the annual school play. Zack lobbies for last year’s play – after all, they already know the lines. Kelly, Lisa and Jessie opt for classics – A Chorus Line, Cats and Phantom of the Opera. Screech pipes in and suggests Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Lisa mocks him, before Bainbridge interrupts and says that fairy tales are the foundation of drama! Everything can be changed to fit a different audience.

“How about we make the dwarves tall blonde girls in bikinis?” Zack suggests. “Hi Ho Hi Ho,” Slater awkwardly announces. Jessie hits him in the arm for being gross.

Kelly then decides that a cool idea would be a rap version, and the class is all about it. Since when I think of the kids on Saved By The Bell, I think of natural rappers.

The dorks in the back have one slight concern – they want to be on stage this year! Normally they get the boring, behind the scenes jobs. Probably because Bayside is ashamed of them. Bainbridge guarantees them all parts and Zack makes a quip about how the play will now be “Snow White and the Seven Dorks”.  And it is!

The students start practicing and while Screech is rapping a tune about kissing Snow White Lisa, Lisa quickly runs off stage to throw up. I’m guessing neither of them will get the part.

Next up to audition is Kelly, who simply talks out her lines as the Wicked Queen and just sucks. She really has her heart set on Snow White, since she’s just “not a nasty person”. Bainbridge gives her a scenario where Snow White stole all of Kelly’s popular girl cred, thus giving Kelly a bit of an oomph in her performance. She sucks just a little less now.

Jessie is having a few problems with the script, saying it’s derogatory and insulting to women. Zack encourages her to change it so she can act towards something she believes in. Jessie is all for the idea.

The scene in question is where the seven dorks are dancing around her, using every limb in their body, telling her that while she can stay over, she’s got to <rap> “Clean the house in every nook, sew, knit, wash, COOK!” </rap> (Actually, COOK! was never mentioned, but it rhymed. Jessie interrupted with a “LOOK!” and then did a side rap about the dorks being sexist pigs.) Bainbridge seems unsure about Snow White’s new lines about staying over at the Y but lets her continue.

Bainbridge posts the casting list the next day. Zack gets cast as the Prince, since – of course, right? Jessie lands Snow White, which makes our fragile Kelly Kapowski a bit jealous. While stating how she got into the Wicked Queen role in auditions, she has to make sure Jessie knows there are no hard feelings. Yet.

Zack stays behind, telling Kelly that he might opt out as Prince. The only reason he auditioned was due to the kiss scene. He couldn’t stand to have anyone else kiss Kelly! But Jessie, eh. Kelly says that Zack is needed for the role and he shouldn’t back out based on the fact that for once, she didn’t get the pretty role.

Jessie is also a bit heartbroken over Zack’s willingness to quit. After all, in their second grade play, they were Mr. and Mrs. Skunk. And I’m sure that show sold out in seconds flat. Zack supposedly whispered Jessie’s lines into her ear when she forgot (“Don’t raise your tail, dear. It’s only the badgers!”), which makes me doubt Jessie’s lead role capabilities all together!

Back in class, Zack and Jessie are practicing the kiss scene in front of their peers. Zack gives her an innocent peck and the audience “Woo”s like crazy – but Bainbridge wasn’t too impressed. Tomorrow, he wants them to try it with “a little more feeling” (Read: tongue) Jessie wants to stay later and work on the kiss, which Zack admits is “also known as making out”. “It’s called acting, Zack.” Oh, great. Now I understand why all of my past relationships have failed.

Jessie won’t take no for an answer and Zack – feeling extremely uncomfortable – has to be peer pressured into practicing. “We’ve been best friends since kindergarten, you don’t have to be shy around me!” Jessie coaxes. Zack is convinced – and then the innocent kiss turns serious.

Of course that’s when Lisa decides to walk in. Utterly shocked, she leaves the room unnoticed and the Saved By the Bell “worrisome guitar” noise goes off.

“What… what just happened?” Zack says, post kiss. “You kissed me.” Jessie responds. Duh.

“We have to remember that that kiss… was pretend,” Jessie states. But then they both admit they liked it and almost kiss again! Awkward city.

Back at home, Lisa, Jessie and Kelly are rehearsing their lines. Kelly brings up the kiss scene, stating how it must be difficult kissing someone else’s boyfriend. “Psh, not for Jessie,” Lisa slips. Trying to quickly cover it up, Jessie gets the hint that Lisa knows what’s up and slips up herself. “Bring me one Zack!” she says with fluster, when Kelly says she’s going to grab some sodas.

“Lisa – what you saw was an accident,” Jessie claims. Later, she admits that Zack is an amazing kisser. She threatens Lisa to keep her trap shut and panics when she hears Kelly come back with the sodas. First thing said once Kelly is back in shot? “KELLY, I KISSED ZACK.”

Kelly says she knows – for the play! But Jessie admits that it was more than that and then – in heightened anxiety – leaves, saying she needs to wash her hair. Kelly looks pretty confused.

At school, Jessie is swarmed by the seven dorks, trying to “protect” her and stay in character. Soon, Slater comes by to casually ask her about the play. “WHATDIDYOUHEARABOUTTHEPLAY”, Jessie barks. “DON’TASK!!”

She summons her dorks to take her away from Slater and they comply. Slater, also confused, decides to head to the MAX and have a chat with her BFF Zack about it.

When Slater announces he had some questions about Jessie, Zack does a spit-take. Slater says that he’s thinking of joining the play, just to keep tabs on her. Zack shoves some fries into his mouth, trying to keep cool over securing the secrecy of “the kiss”.

At rehearsals, Slater’s presence as “Studly”, the new dork, makes Zack nervous – he can’t seem to kiss Jessie at all!

“Prince, come on, why don’t you kiss her!” yells an impatient Bainbridge. Maybe it’s because Kelly, Slater, Lisa and all original 7 dorks were hovering.

“Maybe they like each other!” Lisa proclaims. “OOPS!” Worst Friend Secret Holder Ever. Jessie runs off stage and Slater finally realizes something is wrong, after proclaiming “What’s going on around here!” Will this play actually happen!?

Zack and Jessie both decide to quit the play and get an earful from Belding. The stars quitting two days before opening night? Every dork in town is coming, so this is even more of an outrage. The only understudy cast was when Screech wanted to be Dork #4 instead of Dork #6, or whatever the heck he was cast as.

Zack and Jessie admit to Belding that they might be falling for each other and that kissing again may be more than they can handle. Belding realized that he went through a similar situation with Natalie Kendall back when he was in high school – even though she was disgusted by it, he had to know if his feelings were beyond friendship. I bet Natalie Kendall ended up with Belding’s brother, Rod.

Kelly and Slater meet up and realize that their significant others are avoiding each other. “Do you think it’s possible that there’s something going on between them?” Kelly asks. As per usual Kelly realizes things 15 show-minutes after everyone else. Slater and Kelly debate but then realize that there’s no way that could be the issue, despite the fact that Lisa admitted it earlier.  Since they “have no proof”, they feel as if they’re just embarrassed over having to kiss in the play and decide to tell them that they totally understand. High school plays are hard.

Sitting on stage, Jessie and Zack are contemplating over the fact that they’ll have to kiss in order to know their feelings. Facing each other, they awkwardly go in for a kiss. The good news is, they both felt nothing! They’re just friends and can still be in the play! They decide to kiss again, since it was totally meaningless and of course that’s when Kelly and Slater walk in.

Kelly and Slater break up with them and refer to them as a skinny wimp and a neurotic egghead. All friendships are now broken. Probably forever, right?

Unfortunately, it’s time for the performance. Kelly and Slater resort to giving the pair the evil eye. Belding tries to give them a rushed pep talk, and after Kelly advises Zack to “break two legs”, Zack makes it clear that him and Jessie have worked out a plan. I bet it involves ad libbing!

During the performance, Kelly decides to let her personal issues ruin her performance, nearly gagging Jessie with an apple and yelling at Lisa, “the mirror of the mall”. Bainbridge gets nervous.

Flash forward to the scene where Zack and Jessie need to lock lips. “Dork Number 5, I have to agree! If you want to save Snow White, don’t look at me”, Zack raps, as Screech loudly interrupts him to remind him that’s not in the script. Zack continues to rap about how Dork #8, Studly, is the one that needs to kiss Jessie in order to wake her up. Slater raps back a forgiveness, while Zack continues to change the plot, and admits his heart belongs to the Queen.  All is forgiven, and the play is a hit.

Lessons Learned: Dorks can only be in school plays if they play dorks.

Photo Credits:,

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