Students patiently wait as Jessie finally hits her gavel and announces that the Student Council Meeting was officially in session. Zack has the first order of business – a very exciting petition, signed by four nerds, two dorks and a dweeb. The dweeb is Franklin, who has the honor of presenting the topic.
“We want Thursday to be an official day of mourning,” Franklin states. Twenty five years ago next Thursday, they cancelled Gilligan’s Island. “Someone should cancel you!” Lisa proclaims to Screech. The only other student with an issue is Graham, who very loosely resembles a young Ken Marino and is sitting in the back. His issue is the Styrofoam cups. They pollute the planet! Know what else is polluting the planet, Graham? All that hair gel you’re sporting.
Jessie automatically agrees with Graham and his non-biodegradable cup issue and the two start whining about the planet. (Note: I’m all for the planet – especially Captain Planet – but since my school didn’t even have proper window shades, it’s just hard to relate.) Graham wants to stop the delivery of Styrofoam cups tomorrow until Zack reminds him that tomorrow is Cut Day. Nobody will be in to join the protest.
“Zack, we need to save the planet,” Jessie states. That ONE cup delivery will surely save about 90 baby ducks, and fifteen trees. “A planet without Cut Day isn’t worth saving!” Lisa says as she’s met with applause. Now I’m switching sides – really, Lisa? You’d risk losing your family if Cut Day wasn’t in place? Cut Day is boring, anyway. It’s just like Saturday but on a Friday. Or a holiday weekend. Bayside has a bazillion excuses for kids not being in class. “Mr. Belding’s wife is pregnant in an elevator, everyone go home!”
Speaking of Belding, he comes in to announce that tomorrow is Cut Day. Even though he can’t prevent kids from cutting, those who do will get an unexcused absence. And ten unexcused absences means suspension. AND… someone in class already has nine! I bet it’s Slater.
Wait, no. It’s Zack. Belding says he’ll be checking up on him all day – otherwise, suspension will be in his future.
By the lockers, Slater tries to make Cut Day plans with Jessie but she refuses. “I want to guarantee the survival of the earth’s environment,” she states. Slater asks her if that can wait till Monday but Jessie announces that she’ll be at the plastic foam protest. “I’ll be at the beach with my plastic foam boogie board!” Slater says with a smirk. Jessie calls him irresponsible. For having fun, apparently.
Kelly’s on Slater’s side. Missing one protest won’t ruin anything! Jessie sticks by her guns as Graham stops by to discuss foam cups further. After fawning over his environmental attitude, Jessie tells him that she’s totally going to protest with him tomorrow. Slater wishes her well, but states that he’ll be at the beach with Kelly and Zack. OR WILL HE?
Jessie informs him that Zack was staying in school and Slater scoffs at Zack possibly loving the environment. “His idea of recycling is trading blondes for brunettes!” Slater scoffs. But Zack won’t give up. He’s the Bleach-Blonde King of the Bad Boys and will totally find a way to cut class. To prove it, he places a $100 bet with Slater.
The next day, Jessie, Graham and Zack find themselves to be the only ones in class. While Graham debates about how a woman should be President, Jessie ogles over his views and his yellow, orange and blue print-striped sweater. Again, Kelly was wearing about 1/3rd of a shirt in her last scene – does Bayside have air conditioning problems?
Belding walks in to check up on Zack. But Zack has a plan! After Belding leaves, Zack spontaneously gets called to the library by Geek Franklin. “You owe 86 dollars in overdue books and the librarian is shouting in a whisper for her money!” Franklin states.
But Zack isn’t at the library – he stops by the MAX to hang with Lisa and Screech. One might think that the MAX is the lamest starting point to Cut Day but for today only, it’s filled with arcade games. That Max. So smart. But Jessie should probably watch her back – while they’re definitely dating in this episode, Slater is all over Kelly by the pool table and Kelly – best friend that she is – doesn’t seem to reject it.
When Slater catches Zack, he seems shocked that he made it out of school. But while Zack is demanding his $100 right then and there, Slater makes a good point – Zack needs to cut more than the first five seconds of Cut Day to officially win the bet. Get real, Zack. It’s not the “Can I Sneak Out Of School For Two Seconds To The Diner Right Next To Or Possibly Attached To School?” contest.
At the next class – which both Jessie and Graham happen to be in – Zack explains his game plan to Jessie before she goes off with Graham to make anti-plastic foam signs. Her awesome suggestion for a poster slogan is “Plastic Foam: The Choice of Idiots”
Graham thinks it’s too intense but the two think up some more while Zack sneaks off to the bathroom with a cup of paint, like all normal boys: “Drink Now, Die Later”, “Go Home Plastic Foam!” and “It’s Time to Wake Up! Drink From a Paper Cup!”
Zack returns, possibly 45 minutes later. Of course, in comes Belding, freaked out about whether or not Zack was present in class. What’s it to you, Belding? It’s not like you’ll be demoted if a student gets suspended. I think that deep down, you truly love Zack!
Belding spots Zack and then gets paged about his car being towed. He parked it in a red zone! “Guess who painted the curb?” says Zack, holding an obviously fake red paint can. I bet it was Slater.
Speaking of Slater, he’s at the movies with Kelly, Screech and Lisa. Screech tries feeding Lisa chocolate covered grasshoppers, while Slater comments to Kelly about how Jessie would never go to a scary movie with him. When things get oozy on screen, Kelly buries her head into Slater’s shoulder.
Trust me, ladies: I’ve tried this move on guys before – thanks to Saved By the Bell – and it’s not cute and romantic. It’s awkward, and painful, if you accidentally whack your chin into their shoulder. Which I did. Please proceed with caution.
In walks Zack, who comments about the unusual closeness between Slater and Kelly. However, Cut Day isn’t over yet. And if he paid 8 bucks to see a movie for 5 minutes, he’s quite the fool.
Back at school, Jessie and Graham talk about how they need to block the hallway for the Styrofoam delivery. “It’s not how many of us there are, it’s how much we believe!” states Jessie. Graham is so into her right now. Her and Slater totally need to break up, since this is getting depressing.
After Belding sneaks up on Zack in the hallway, Zack says that he was only going to help protest. Good save, Zack! After all, they did make three signs for two people.
In comes the Styrofoam delivery man, holding one small box of cups and nothing else. Boy, will he be shocked! After being shouted out, Belding pulls the kids aside and tells them to leave the delivery man alone. He cares about the future, but he also cares about running an orderly school.
Graham stays motivated despite Jessie claiming they failed. Wait – so was that it? That was the lamest protest ever! I agree with Jessie on this. I thought they chained themselves to lockers at some point but I think I’m thinking of another Jessie protest episode.
Graham and Jessie realize they have a huge connection and hug. Zack looks on, with the summary of all summaries: “What a Senior Cut Day. Some people are ditching class and some people are ditching each other!”
The final Cut Day destination is the beach! Kelly and Slater are dancing while Lisa and Screech are kicking a ball around. This is honestly the worst set I’ve ever seen on a show, ever.
Slater thinks that Kelly is getting a bit red and offers to lather her up with suntan lotion, commenting on how it’s great to hang out with a girl for a day and not get into an argument.
Suddenly Zack enters the beach-stage and everyone quiets as he walks down the steps and says how it’s time to party! The entire beach agrees with him. As Zack takes off his janitor’s costume that he used to sneak out of school, the audience goes crazy over his black tank top and hot pink & purple swim trunks.
Slater tells him that this isn’t it – the last stop is the MAX (again?) during last period. Zack swears this won’t be a problem, as he has Mrs. Caulpepper and she won’t be able to hear a herd of elephants leaving her classroom. When Slater leaves to get some sodas, Zack zeroes in on Kelly.
Kelly admits that she’s really enjoyed Cut Day – “That’s the problem.” Zack questions why and Kelly claims that she shouldn’t be having this much fun hanging out with her best friend’s boyfriend. Finally! Kelly gets it! Kelly angles the story as being how she’s upset that Jessie is stuck in school, but Zack mentions that she shouldn’t feel too terrible. However, he fails to give details about Sexy Graham.
(Meanwhile, Screech gets buried in the sand by Lisa in a record amount of time. They kind of didn’t give Lisa and Screech much to do this episode but have Lisa be a jerk to Screech using only one-liners. Let’s forget about them and focus on this torrid Kelly-Slater-Jessie-Graham love affair for the rest of the recap.)
In Mrs. Caulpepper’s class, she blindly believes that everyone showed up on cut day, despite the attendance being three (shockingly not Jessie and Graham this time!) Mrs. Caulpepper decides to discuss Africa today and pulls down a US map, claiming Nigeria is in Southern California. I’m kind of worried about how Mrs. Caulpepper gets to school every day.
Belding storms into the class as per usual, with a telegram saying that Mrs. Caulpepper just won two million dollars in the lottery! Is that how the lottery works? While Caulpepper quits on the spot, Zack gets a call on his gigantic cell phone.
“Did Caulpepper get my telegram, Preppy?” It’s Slater, at the MAX! On a payphone! (Linked, in case anyone forgot what a payphone is.)
Belding tells Zack to put the phone away and states that he’ll be finishing up the day in the class alongside Zack. Busted! Slater’s weird plan totally worked!
Belding tells Zack that he’s been so busy keeping an eye on him all day that he forgot to have lunch. Zack tells him that he has some candy on him, if that’ll help. Belding agrees, and digs in – but then realizes that they’re Screech’s chocolate covered grasshoppers! And the crunchy part is the thorax!
Belding runs out, disgusted. Zack catches up with Jessie and Graham in the hallway to make sure the coast is clear. Zack says he’s off to the MAX and Jessie tells Zack that they’ll catch up with him there. Right as Zack walks away, he realizes this is not good. Cut Day will become KILL day when Slater and Jessie realize they’ve both been flirty with other people!
Zack tells Jessie that since they were going to save the world today, they can’t go to the MAX. Jessie casually admits that they failed and plan to take the rest of the day off. While he’s attempting to convince the two to make other plans, Belding catches up with him and sees that he’s trying to escape.
Zack states that he just left class to check up on Belding based on his own concern. He offers another piece of chocolate, claiming that there aren’t any grasshoppers in it this time. But after Belding takes a bite, he learns it’s a caramel caterpillar. Come on, Belding. How much chocolate do you think Zack has on him?
Back at the MAX, Zack runs through in a hurry, hoping that Jessie and Slater don’t see each other. But it’s too late. Jessie sits Slater down and mentions wanting to break up and then gets pissed off when Slater is completely cool about it. When they bring the news up to the group, they act as if the group should be surprised. But it’s okay, everyone: They will still date on occasion. I know, you were worried too.
Also, I don’t think Graham is in any other episode. Feel free to correct me.
Lessons Learned: Cut Day is the perfect time to realize you’re incompatible with your boyfriend. If you avoid Styrofoam for a day, you’ll save the planet.