Honorary Husband

Ryan Gosling

According to urban dictionary.com, the term JUMPOFF is used to refer to someone (usually a girl), who is “strictly used for sex, nothing else.”

Shifting the paradigm to the other end of the spectrum, I’d like to use the term Jumpoff (a compound word in “urban” use), not as pejorative for a female, but as a term of endearment for a male.

Specifically, I’d like to use the term “JUMPOFF” for a male, who is very dear to us all.  A male, who has transcended his realm, and “jumped off” the silver screen right into the inner-most ventricle of my beating heart.  His name is Ryan Gosling, colloquially known as Ryan “Marry-Me” Gosling.  And he’s the type of man that would make any of us HelloGiggles girls proud to say “I Do.”

Whether he’s smirking (love the way you smirk, Ryan), brooding (love the way you brood, Ryan), “nuding” (standing nude-looking “rude”-as he does in his upcoming movie “Crazy, Stupid, Love”), Ryan Gosling is always adorable.

However, Ryan Gosling is more than just a “pretty face,” he’s also obscenely intelligent and totally talented.  It’s been almost a decade since Ryan won the “Grand Jury Prize” Award at the Sundance Film Festival for his work in “The Believer,” a film about a tortured, Jewish Neo-Nazi.  Since then, Ryan Gosling has been confidently comfortable pushing himself as an actor, as well as pushing the boundaries of society’s comfort level to create real, actual “art.”  Prioritizing his art is what makes Ryan Gosling so attractive, and it’s very clear that Ryan isn’t just some Hollywood actor with great abs (which are really great incidentally).

His spirit and pensive confidence make him a truly desirable candidate for the role of “husband” in a hellogiggles “real life” production of “Will You Marry Me, Ryan Gosling?”  In fact, call us any time Ryan, whether it’s for a drink, a coffee, a quick trip to Vegas to elope, or a nice low-key dinner: we’re always available.

Photo: Todd G/John K/Splash News Online

Edward Hansen is a writer, entrepreneur, and occasional ingenue. He lives in Los Angeles and is not a K.D. Lang impersonator.