After a 6 year sabbatical, I decided to stop by the dentist. And by dentist, I mean the free services UCLA Dental School provides for people who don’t have insurance. Once my shy, 16 year old looking intern, Nisha, informed me that I had healthy gums and zero cavities, the following sentence actually came out of my mouth, “Cool, but do you guys make retainers? I’ve had mine for 17 years, I need a new one.” The minute I heard the words spilled out loud to the universe, coupled with the “I’m embarrassed for this person” look on Nisha’s face, I realized I might be a bit off on this one. Maybe not all 30 year olds wear their retainers to bed? Maybe. Nisha quickly informed me that they don’t, and went on to explain all kinds of things to me to me – like how my teeth stopped shifting years ago, my teeth are my teeth now, wearing the retainer certainly won’t hurt but it’s not actually doing anything for me, blah blah blah.
Me: So should I stop wearing it?
Nisha: That’s up to you, it’s more of a comfort thing at this point.
Grosssssss. I’ve never been one to think adults who sleep with stuffed animals are cute or even close to normal. Girls can get away with an old teddy bear tossed on her single dorm room bed, but beyond college, it’s a real red flag, like having tons of cats or tons of candles, or wearing socks during sex, or wearing a retainer at night. For the past 2 decades I’ve been sleeping with my very own comfort item, except instead of an ironic Cabbage Patch Kid, mine was a piece of plastic that had its very own blue case.
I thanked Nisha and went home to meditate and reflect on this epiphany. Just kidding, I watched Oprah’s Lifeclass, then I looked up information about retainers on the internet, then watched Youtube videos of parents telling their kids they ate all of their Hallloween candy (hilarious). Once I checked all that stuff of my “to- do” list, I started thinking about how it’s probably time to let go of my mouth crutch once and for all. Ew, mouth crutch. I know it’s possible there have been times in my life when I haven’t worn it- years even! Anytime I had a boyfriend, that blue case was hidden far back in my desk drawer next to my vision board. I have felt true and deep love before, and even lived with a boyfriend, but even I know there is no sexy way to wear corrective dental gear.
So this is good-bye, but before I put you back in my drawer I’d like to give you the credit you deserve.
I have perfect teeth. Thank you! People still talk about how I was robbed when Jenn Zuckerman won Best Smile in senior year. I don’t like a lot of things, but I like my smile, and so do boys. They’ve even told me so. Especially after I ask them, “What’s your favorite part of my face? Don’t say my eyes.”
Don’t worry retainer, I’m not quitting you cold turkey. I’m planning on making this retainer break up like all of my other break ups; long, painful and confusing. I know I’ll be coming back time and time again.
**Please note since this blog was written I have heard from 3 separate (albeit non dentist) sources that my teeth will shift if I stop using it, so I’m just going to keep wearing it. Well, at least until I get a boyfriend.
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i’m 27 and my retainer also doubles as a bite splint and my dentist said i should keep wearing it. retainers are hot and they make your voice sound sexy.
I still wear mine now and then to make sure my teeth aren’t shifting too much. If I wait too long in between wearings, it’s hard to get it in . . .
Your boyfriend. Will think your adorable. my man wears his religiously and I think he is completelydorky, but so cute. I think its a vulnerability thing, I could have made fun of him but he trusted me not to.
I stopped wearing my retainer when it broke and my ortho said I could stop. I now have a (cute) gap between my once expensively straight teeth. Don’t get me wrong, I accept my flaws and what not… but you (or your parents) paid for those mofos. I’d keep it in.
Also I recently graduated from college. I dropped the teddy bear but adopted a dog that now sleeps in my bed. Does this still count?
I got a night bite guard from the dentist yesterday to stop me grinding my teeth. it is comfortable and just clear plastic (looks like invisaline). It will stop my teeth moving as well as stop jaw clenching and grinding. highly recommended!!
Is that picture of your teeth and retainer? If so, I’m jealous! I mean, mine are straight and everything but those are like perfect. lol. Also, I really like that clear plastic thing on the wire of the retainer; I think that’s a good idea. Mine doesn’t have that; it just has the metal wire. I still wear mine more nights than not.
I read somewhere that Heather Locklear still wears her retainers, and her teeth are gorgeous!
I stopped wearing mine in college and my teeth shifted…so much so that I shelled out another few hundred dollars to have new ones made. That was 10 years ago. I’m still wearing them. Lame!
They do shift! Don’t stop wearing your retainer!!
I wore mine religiously for years, but when I moved in with a previous boyfriend, I got out of the habit, embarrassed about how I looked wearing it. I am regretting it now, because my teeth have shifted. They still look ok, but I can notice that they are not as straight as they used to be.
A word to the wise, even when you find a boyfriend, make sure you still wear your retainer at least a few nights a week!! The guy is not worth it if he has a problem with you wearing it (or if he has a problem with you when your teeth turn crooked because you decided not to wear it), but it would be a shame to loose a good smile and the value of all the money and pain that went into getting braces in the first place!
Just a side note, this is going to make me sound like a nerd, but retention is a life time commitment. The AOA now states that you should continue to wear your retainer a couple nights a week to ensure no shifting. I work in ortho, so that is why I know this.
Just saying
They will shift. I had an ortho tell me that I should have been wearing mine all those years. I’m 30, had perfect teeth at 18 and they are still shifting. You could always get a night guard, my dentist says that helps. I wish I still had my retainer! It was white with sparkles.
I had braces and I used to wear my retainer all the time but over the last 10 years since I got my braces off I started wearing it less and less. Over time, my teeth have shifted somewhat but not a whole lot yet. Yet anyway, haha. There’s a certain amount of guilt there since my parents shelled out the money for my braces, but my teeth were horrible before the braces and now they’re great, despite slight crookedness which I kinda like. I dunno, I’m just leaving my thoughts, but I do not blame you for wanting to wear your retainer always. And I wouldn’t put it on the same line as a teddy bear or a blanket or something kids have childhood attachments too.