Recent Google Searches RECENT GOOGLE SEARCH: I HATE MY MOM Mae Zein El-Deen

You might find this in some teenage girl’s search history right after her mom tells her she can’t go to this really cool party that everyone‘s going to because she’s worried something “bad” might happen to her.

You may even come across a tech-savvy toddler who Googled this after his mom said that he can’t have any ice cream for dinner or another kid who Googled this from his evil foster parent’s laptop after his mom abandoned him at an early age, etc. The clichés are many but one thing’s for sure: It would be very unusual for you to find this in the search history of an adult woman in her twenties. In all caps, no less.

One of my many, many fantasies was to have the kind of relationship with my mother that would get people to mistake us for sisters, kind of like the one Lorelai and Rory (of Gilmore Girls) have, only with a little less talking about absolutely everything because some things should be private. Alas, the relationship I have with my mother is more like the one Kathy Bates and James Caan had in Misery.

This post was inspired by a Google search, which in turn was inspired by a voicemail message my mom left me this morning. My older brother got married last night (woohoo!) and it was a very happy day for all of us. This morning I woke up in my hotel room and realized that I was very late for breakfast, so I rushed down to the restaurant in my pajamas and decided to check my messages while I ate. “You have 1 New Message,” said the Voicemail Woman. “Hi Mae, this is your mother speaking. You did quite an okay job last night (I planned the entire ceremony) but I just watched the wedding video and I can’t tell you how disappointed I am at the number of times you had to lift your (strapless) dress up so it wouldn’t fall off. I don’t know why your chest is coming in so slowly. How old are you, again? Twenty-something? Ridiculous. Anyway, call me back!

By the time the 20-second long message ended, I had already lost my appetite, stormed out of the restaurant and run up to my room. I sat on my bed feeling angry and unappreciated, grabbed my laptop and typed “I HATE MY MOM” in Chrome’s search field. You know these out-of-body experiences that people talk about? I’m pretty sure this was my first one. I have no idea how or why I did it. The search results were stupid – mostly Yahoo! Answers (the type that make you question if genocides were just directed at the wrong people), Facebook pages and a couple of teenage video rants on Youtube.

The one thing these results had in common, though, was how mean spirited and downright crass they were. I don’t know what I expected, to be honest, but definitely not extreme comments like the ones I found. There are all kinds of kids out there calling their mothers names on the internet for the stupidest reasons and it wasn’t long before I started feeling like an idiot myself for typing that. I don’t hate my mom like that. In fact, I absolutely love my mom. Yes, she crushes my spirit and yes, she completely annihilates my self esteem and occasionally opens up this portal in my brain where people who go years without speaking to their parents make a lot of sense. But in spite of all of that, I know for a fact that she loves me.

So what if she tells me I need to lose weight on a daily basis? So what if she taped a Golden Girls episode and a Lebanese cooking show over my eighth birthday video? So what if she thinks my hair is too lifeless and that my haircut is not “classy” enough, that my teeth are sticking out too much, that I have no direction in life and that if I don’t mold myself to suit her idea of perfection, I will most definitely die alone? So what if we never agree on anything, no matter how serious or dumb it might be? She is my mother. She gave me life. She has always taken care of me and whenever I need her, she’s there for me. In a way, she’s all I got. Where would we be as a generation if not for the couple of dozen missed calls and voicemail messages left on our phones every day?

If you are asking yourself whether the mere fact that your mother carried you in her womb for nine months gives her the right to infuriate you enough to make you want to rip your hair out, the answer is yes. If you’re asking yourself “Is all this agony worth it?” Yes. It’s totally worth it.

Image via Zazzle.com

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. Here I am coming across this like nearly two months later. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out “why” I just don’t want a job as an accountant or anything to do with accounting. This brings me back to the time when my mother told me that doing Graphic Design or Websites wasn’t a profession and that I needed to think of a REAL job.
    This pissed me off to no end – because it was 1999 – this kinda stuff was going CRAZY! I didn’t go to school for it because that was a bad bad situation where she couldn’t even find the college campus that I wanted to attend – she called them up from a payphone and bitched them out for being FRAUDS – turns out that part of my life was better in the long run (that particular school doesn’t have the best reputation right now).
    About 6 yrs later, I ended up in the accounting trade – I was doing well, and sorta liked what I was doing. However, I still wanted to do graphics for a living. My mom and I have this conversation about how she’s all proud of me – moving in with a guy, and working a good job doing what SHE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. I had to put that in caps, sorry. Yup, that’s where she messed up. Because she wanted to do it, therefor I have this inner feeling that I don’t want to do it.
    When I was younger, I made a pact with myself not to turn into her. And somehow this little part of her wanting to do that – fell into that clause. I’m struggling with this so much now because – yeah about 10-11 yrs after my high school graduation, I went to school for Graphic Design and Animation – and its the hardest freaking industry to break into. I’ve had such horrible luck that I want to cry and eat Ben and Jerry’s all day long (never mind that I’m lactose intolerant!)
    Her and I should have that Lorelei/Rory relationship, she was a single mother! But she was hardly there, working crappy restaurant jobs and later retail clerk (which she is currently now)…. she had the opportunity to go back to school when she was let go and didn’t do it. She could easily walk into a successful job but refuses to.
    Sorry for my long ass rant here…. but I still don’t want to turn into that. Maybe there’s really still no chance that I will, or maybe I just need to come to terms with it and just do something.
    Idk… *sigh*

  2. A lot of this article really relates to me.
    From the part where I longed for a Lorelei/Rory relationship to the part where my mother crushes my spirit & it is just VERY hard fer us to relate.

    Although it is true, i love her. I appreciate a lot of the good characteristics she has & the things she does for me. But there are also many characteristics that I don’t appreciate or even begin to fathom what her thought process was when she did something.

    The only thing that I keep telling myself, though, is NOT TO TURN INTO HER ! None of us want to be the woman who made us so unbelievably unhappy for so many years. & not in the over dramatic teenager I HATE MY MOM way but in the she is a helicopter parent whom doesn’t see me as an adult or listen to my accomplishments just constantly picks at me way. Realize what she does & don’t turn INTO IT.

    some friendly advice from a silly girl neighbor

  3. i like to think that the bottom line here is that the trivial issues in a mother/daughter relationship shouldn’t define the relationship but just be accepted as a part of it… she’s your mother and she loves you and is doing the best that she knows how… (this coming from a woman that has a most HORRIBLE relationship with a verbally and emotionally abusive mother and i don’t HATE her but can no longer communicate with her for my sanity sake) pick you battles and recognize the TRIVAL issues… but just because a woman brings you in the world, that doesn’t grant her the right to make you miserable either…

  4. I NEEDED this article this week, thank you Mae! A few months after my beach wedding (which my mother reminded me frequently was WAY too casual, even though it wasn’t) I brought over to her house my huge, wonderful, beautiful wedding album. The photographer was not cheap but was well worth it and we had gorgeous shots of this happiest day of our lives. My mother opens the book and lovingly sighs, “Look how handsome your brother looks.” Nice. Thanks mom. A comment on the bride? Nope.

  5. I love this article! Written so well, made me laugh so many times! You should defo write more articles!! =D

  6. This is really such an amazing article. It has humor and true emotion and also makes you think about what the relationship between mother and child really means and how important it is at the end of the day despite all the problems that sometimes come with it. No matter what happens, love is the most important part of the relationship and it always remains, and I think it’s great that you understand that and that you’ve shared it with us.

  7. to post a comment

  8. So you’re going to repay evil for evil by posting this about your mother? Will we be seeing her “I hate my daughter” Google search results next?

  9. Hmmm… I’m on the fence on this one. My mom is not my “birth mom” and is in fact a pretty awful person. She lies, steals, manipulates, and refers to me as her “oriental daughter”. I think I can appreciate the sentiment, but the truth is not all mothers are just that lovable. I have found because of this, I am able to appreciate other relationships in my life a lot more, but I don’t have that “she gave life to me” sort of bond. I do however envy those who are close with their mothers and definitely respect those who try to even if its not natural. I just have to remember that our parents are people too, human, capable of mistakes.

  10. Ha! I know exactly what you mean. I got married last month and lived with my parents up to that point. My mom and I would get into major screaming bouts. I would call my then-fiance sobbing and tell him how awful she was. Seriously, the day after I got married and moved out, we began to get along so well. We joke about former hot topics, and I try and visit them a bunch. I feel like some of my frustration was justified at times, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I seriously love my mom despite all the arguments and comments and her refusing to support my childhood dream of being an ice-skating dolphin trainer.

  11. wowzah. I actually did the exact same thing last week. My mom and I got in a huge fight for one reason or another and I also googled “I hate my mom” and came across the same things. I am also twenty-something and felt kind of dumb after I had done all of that.
    That doesn’t mean my mom still wasn’t wrong about what we were fighting about.

  12. Wow, I’m sorry your mother spoke to you in that manner. No matter how big or how small, no matter what my 19yr old does I am so proud I want to shout it from the rooftops… that drives her nuts so I have to always take it down a notch… our FAVORITE show is Gilmore Girls because it’s so much like us it’s FREAKY! I have a blog about her leaving home for college… I feel like I was finally a grown up at the age of 39 and it was SCARY! Letting her go out into the world was both the hardest and the easiest thing I have ever done. My blog is titled Oi With The Poodles Already! after one of my favorite Lorelai quotes… that and “and pie!”. Loved the article. <3 <3

  13. but you have to understand that there’s people that dislike or just don’t love too much their mothers for a fair reason… that’s my case! I don’t dislike her, but I used to have her as my best friend, but she’s such a different person now. I’m not saying I hate her, I’m just saying she was the person who dissapointed me the most in my life and I don’t know how I can forgive her from my heart for everything she has done and still do.

  14. I don’t get why so many people let their parents get away with being so mean. Sure they usually have good intentions and most of them love us but just because you gave birth to me doesn’t give you the right to be mean! Kids (especially adult ones) should stand up to them more often. 

  15. Oh my god, do I understand this. My mom drives me crazy to the point where I was in a Hallmark store right before mother’s day searching for a card, wanting to cry and on the verge of having a panic attack. I was reading these cards thinking “I don’t think these things, I don’t!” There are so many things she has done for me that I appreciate though. It is just that sometimes it is so, so hard to see how the positive balance with the negative.

  16. This is kind of a “Have your cake and eat it too” kind of reasoning. (I’m horrible at explaning things, so I hope you know what I mean.) I really appreciate this post.

    And btw, I am April Mae. Nice to meet your aquaintance. : )

HelloGiggles Podcast