- I visualize a football trying to going through the hole of a doughnut. Just being smashed over and over again until the donut is broken into little pieces and then the football keeps it awake all night every night for 7 months. I know that seems graphic, but pushing a full grown infant out of your torn vagina is even worse and IT’S REAL AND IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.
- Once a menstrual cycle, I get a single, debilitating PMS cramp. It lasts less than 5 seconds, but it literally forces me to crouch over. I have slumped over the counter at work in the middle of transactions, grabbed onto bike racks on the sidewalk and once involuntarily laid down on a bathroom floor. I don’t know how women deal with cramps on a regular basis, but for 5 seconds I am rendered temporarily useless. The point is, contractions sound like period cramps, but worse, and also at the end of the day your vagina has stitches in it.
- You have no control over when your water breaks. It can happen anywhere. It’s like explosive diarrhea, except you have a general idea of when it is going to happen and you have to live with that knowledge every time you step outside the house. Is this the day? Is this the day I’ll need to change my pants? Here, in the antacid aisle of CVS? Plus, stitches in your vagina.
- Overpopulation is real and no one is freaking out about it enough except me. Just like how America took away the space shuttle program and we just let that happen! As a people! Where were the riots then?! #OccupyOuterspace #OccupyAntiVaginaStitching
- Even though I feel the natural biological drive to pass on my genes as a redhead, especially since we are dying out as a people, I want to give my children the gift of being able to play out in the sun and not turn into a walking sunburnt freckle. And I have an equally natural biological drive to keep my vagina away from stitches.
- Yo, did you know that babies can be born with teeth? I mean, if your vagina didn’t need stitches before, a fetus with incisors exiting your womb will surely do the trick.
- If you adopt, maybe you can pick hair and eye color so your baby will match the 2011 Chanel Fall Collection. Do you know what doesn’t match any fall collection, even the fall collection of the Salvation Army should such a thing ever come to exist? Stitches all up in your vaginal area.
- Stiches. In. Your. Vagina.
(pic via stephanieandgregshow.com)
I am new to this facebook thing but Yes that is sick. Perhaps your vagina only looks small in proportion to how huge your butt is.
For the people that wrote “its not that bad” actually it is bad really bad. Even though i was on a epidural and didnt feel the pain of my vagina tearing (not sure if i spelled that right) I did an hour later and the pain was excrutiating and my son wa sonly 6lbs 7 ounces. Ugh I could not sit down for 2 to 3 weeks without feeling the pain not to mention a bowel movement. Ugh one of the reasons why i never want to have anymore kids. period. NEVER AGAIN.
reality is there is no such thing as unconditional love mom-child bond is no better between adopted parents and biological also women who are offended by our fears and vents of fears ( as its not easy to find anyone to talk to about child birth let’s be real here even my mom will not chat this topic) YOU HAD/ HAVE A CHOICE no one has to give birth unless they want to and at this point in time and medical care reproductive rights of women are still practically 1880 so I am in no hurry to give birth to someone who will literally destroy my body as that is my bodies purpose and thus once it has fulfilled its purpose body will never be the same i don’t care who gives you the go boost you need no part of your body is the same not your tits thigh/ass cellulite back tummy vag none of it and over population is real hello all my educated degree toting friends cant find jobs to feed their fucking kids with because there are more people than jobs and while i live in plushy America where we waste 70% of earths resources spoiling ourselves and our children there are whole regions that are starving because of us *reality check and I think if more women/girls were more educated about what childbirth/pregnancy is like there wouldn’t be so many 16 year old mommys at my local mall because the facts will scare you into masturbation until your 30 /or ready for it
i personally don’t think ill ever be ready
i have ulcers and heartburn daily already
my hormones scare me on my period and so do my debilitating cramps that make me vomit every month and stay in bed for 3 days out the 6
not to mention cute baby who doesn’t sleep shits constantly and you have to pay for this thing to shit buy buying diapers etc
and no matter how perfect your life partner is chances are the mother will shoulder the brunt of baby care housework and cooking
most of what i consider healthy parenting is shunned by society for not being mainstream and grocery store bought
oh yes and YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT CHILD’S’ MORAL AWARENESS so when your kid is 12-18 and and making bad choices oh and hates you what do you do? as a mother
and your little genetic clone may look like you and your perfect hubby( until divorce then hes “shitty deadbeat dad” they can and very well may be their own person completely different from you in all aspects it could be hard to connect/find common ground once they start thinking for themselves
ALSO knowing how to prepare a child for the world we live in now i was lucky to have such a cynical and honest mother who from a very young age told me how it is when i asked questions and is still very honest with me about life in general but how do you explain to your child no they can’t be whatever their heart desires and following your dreams will put you into debilitating debt and that degree means nothing and you more than likely will never escape the socio-economic group you are born into (statistically speaking more than likely being middle-class or poverty) and thus your perfect child’s’ entire life will revolve around struggle, constant worry about bills bills bills money money money, oppression, prejudices, being hurt, fitting in/finding friends, and being held down by their government
I’m not made to be a mother and I have known for years I don’t have the patience or understanding to know what to do/ how to act nor have I had the right examples in my life and under pressure I act like my own parents which is too much for me to be ok with raising another person
also really hate the idea of giving birth/afterbirth then experiencing stitching without killing whoever knocked me up during the above process no matter how much “i love him”
sincerely adoption if ever I am ready
I think you and I were separated at our mother’s vagina stitches.
I’m terriied, terrified, terrified of birth. Labor scares me, contractions scare me and the whole pushing ordeal scares me. Nothing any of you moms say will ever change that.
Also, I get offended by people who think that c-sections make you less of a mom. It’s a major surgery so of course the recovery time is longer, but your vagina does NOT change and your survival rate is just fine. This is 2011, guys, not 1432.
stitches man. STITCHES. i’ve gotten stitches on my forehead when i was almost 3 and i still see the scars #NOThappening
You are my favorite person in the world currently XD I have the exact view of child birth and I am SCARED TO DEATH of ever getting pregnant EVER in my life. And I have a long way to go! You have basically spoken my mind and I love it!
P.S. your bullet point about adoption is my absolute favorite (aside from the one about stitches in the vagina). It is such a prefect plan.
just the thought of being pregnant and breastfeeding always made me wanna vomit up until i was 30 and married. i wanted to party like it was 1999 till i was 40 AND then maybe, just maybe have one baby. that soooo didnt happen and we ended up pregnant while i was on the pill. i gotta say it was scary and i was kinda pissed at myself for not being more careful but it was so awesome being pregnant! it took me till i was about 6 months to actually enjoy the ride. i was so lucky that i had an almost perfect pregnancy and birthing experience. the best advice i can give you is take all the drugs they offer you at the hospital, it will make everything funny and awesome. i watched seinfeld and skyped with family up until i had to push, and i only pushed for maybe 5min and it was over. your vag will tear but its not that bad. best of luck to you and wait till youre at least 30 to have kids!
i’m 26 and childless, yes babies are a blessing blah blah blah. But i just read everyone’s comments and i still don’t want my vag getting torn. aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
After reading this I quickly added stitches in my vagina, as another reason I didn’t want to make my own baby. Now only a few days later I find myself bed ridden with what? Yes, stitches in my vagina. Turns out you don’t need a baby to tear yourself up down there. Just a rain storm, a bike, bad brakes, and a garage door. 9 stitches. That has been fun trying to explain it to doctors, nurses, my parents, and helpful neighbors. So he careful, stitches in your vagina really do suck!
My sister had a baby girl two weeks ago. I was in the room taking video of the event and I SAW HER VAGINA RIP. IT RIPPED TO HER HINEY HOLE. I SAW IT. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD! I love babies and I used to say I couldn’t wait to have them but now I am traumatized. She had to be stitched to her hiney hole…..
ALSO, her placenta broke inside of her and the dr had to fish it out. Then she went back a few days ago and there was still some inside of her.
I’m not joking. Childbearing seriously sounds like the devil is coming out of your womb. I definitely appreciate this post, we need to spread the word about this.
PS I really do love babies and it was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced, traumatizing or not. My sister says she honestly forgot the pain once she saw my precious little niece. Women (hopefully) know what they are going into when they have babies so a little rippin’ and tearin’ shouldn’t be too horrible when in the end you get a tiny human that is all yours.
You know what’s even more precious than a baby that’s a gene clone of you?
A baby that needs a home and a mommy/daddy to love them; and no football vagina. And c’mon, let’s be honest. I’m not trying to be reverse-racist here, or whatever, but what is cuter than a baby from a different continent? Seriously, if you tell me that those little Ethopian babies that need loving homes are not the most heart melting little adorable people on the planet, what’s next? Miniature pigs aren’t cute? I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand why when mothers hear that I want to adopt babies from the other half of the world (far, far away future), they say “Oh honey, you’ll change your mind and want babies of your own someday.” I think that, is “pretty shallow”.
They won’t be my babies because I didn’t give them the gift of life through my womb/hold them up high and sing the the Circle of Life? I won’t love them to the moon and back because they aren’t a part of my my gene pool? That’s bunk. And if you don’t want vag stitches in the process, well, it’s still kickbutt that you’d adopt someday Caragh.
Dude, I am 100% on your boat. I want to have kids, but I want them to appear in my arms, perhaps dropped there by a stork. Pregnancy + giving birth = no thank you.
You have captured all of my fears about child birth in this one article!! Ever since i read a blog called “Crotch Care 101″ about what happens and how to take care of your lady bits after having a baby, I’ve never been able to get rid of those images and am deathly afraid of it now!!! I’m so glad someone shares in my pain/fears!!!
I’ve gone through three natural births and had to have stitching with each–and that’s the last aspect about pregnancy that even bothered me. What about the first three months of constant nausea or having a pinched sciatic nerve for two months? The actual delivery was probably the easy part, and I didn’t even have pain meds at all! In addition, if pregnancy is the worst “medical” condition I ever have to go through, I’ll consider myself pretty lucky. It’s got to be better than having open heart surgery or going through chemo treatments. There are people who are actually suffering out there, and worrying about a few stitches that you can barely feel is pretty shallow.
“Overpopulation is real and no one is freaking out about it enough except me.” I am constantly shocked that society are yet to send me a personal thank you for not breeding. Every time I see a woman strolling down the street with one of those multi-strollers that looks more like a minibus I start internally shouting “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE WORLD IS NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO FEED YOUR CHILDREN!!!” STOP IT. STOP IT NOW!!”
“I can’t wait to have a teenager” Hahahaha, it doesn’t even sound right! I must admit, I have similar anxieties about getting old and having no one who is genetically obligated to hang out with me, so I guess breeding is not entirely without merit!
I do the same thing! Also, guess what? No one ever says, “I can’t wait to have a teenager!” or a college student, or whatever else. It is always just “babies!” but those little vermin turn into teenagers that will inevitably hate you and misunderstand everything you do. And if you are “lucky” enough to pop one out that is fit for further education, you will likely never be able to pay off the loans you take out for your child’s education. Ick.
I’ve been telling my parents since I was about 13 that I am never having kids, and now being more than double that age I still stick by that. I’m down with the whole cramps thing (although if I get them they sure as hell aren’t quick 5 second ones) and I don’t want to be squeezing something out of me – nor does a c-section sound all that appealing either. If I decide I want to have a kid(s) then I think I would adopt or maybe look at fostering instead. And don’t get me wrong – I love kids – I babysat to earn money all throughout my teen years and I loved it, but I have no desire to go through childbirth myself.
btw – when I read Caragh’s post I burst out laughing!
I am a nurse and I work with neonates (premature and ill newborn babies). I see mothers recovering from their c-sections all the time, and yes, it is very painful; some are in so much pain that they are unable to visit their baby for almost 2 days. You also have other issues to worry about, like your baby developing TTNB, the risk of the incision getting infected, taking certain pain medications (because they can travel into your breastmilk), etc. Even though I know this to be true, personally, I will still opt for a c-section over a vag delivery any day. Hell no, I don’t want stitches in my vagina! And sometimes the Dr. will actually CUT your vagina him/herself to prevent tearing. But studies have shown that a torn vagina heals faster than a cut and stitched one. YES, a vaginal birth is better for the recovery and health of the mother and baby, but I just can’t accept the fact that something THAT BIG has to fit through something that small. I love this post because it is purely someone just speaking her mind; no filters, no rose-colored glasses. Most importantly, mothers are mothers, whether they have a baby via vag, cesarean, or adoption.
Hi Stephanie, Interesting comment from your point of view, that you see these situations everyday. I totally see the point of the “prefer C-section” people, but I am more scared of the big scar in the tummy and the recovery time, etc.
BTW I love the post in general! Very funny and honest
Also for Carah’s overpopulation concerns, I am concerned too! I am from Chile (where average family size is dropping, we are and will be a tiny country) so I don’t think it’s healthy for the existence the chilean people to have less than 2 kids per woman
, but there are babies in this world that are born into miserable conditions, and I believe there are people that can be a hell of an awesome mom/dad offering a kid an safer, better life. So I’m all up for adopting some day and I support any person that will be so generous to adopt a child, whatever are their reason(s).
this isn’t offensive, this is badass. my vagina is a donut and caragh tells it like it is. TRUTHS.
well after reading some of these comments, momma’s can be rawr. i can pretty much guarantee that this wasn’t meant to be offensive or judgemental, even without Caragh already saying so. there are actually a lot of young women (myself included) who think like this. grant it, i do want kids but no way no how right now, especially knowing what you gotta go though. we think about child birth very differently because we haven’t gone through it yet. knowing what you happens when you haven’t experienced it is a very intimidating thing, especially when it is as graphic as childbirth. that said, i don’t think this post was taking away from the momma’s out there who’ve gone through a child birth or two (or few). trust me momma’s when i say that we admire you, but feelings like that in this post are valid and real for many women who don’t yet have kids. that’s not enough for me to not want a child of my own someday, but for those it does i can’t say i’d be able to blame them considering.