If I have to tell you something and you are my real friend, I will call you 100,000 times until you answer. I will probably leave a few voice messages. I will definitely text you. And I will keep on calling. I don’t care. I don’t care if you think it’s annoying or if you’re “busy”, or in class (that makes me sound young!), or if you’re working out, or in a “meeting” (…say you have to go the bathroom or something, hello, I need to talk to you), or doing anything, I will keep on calling. And honestly, bb, you should be flattered because that means we’re real friends.
Real friendship is made up of a lot, a lot of things! But these are some of the ones that I feel have to happen or else what’s even the point of a BFF?
Real Friendship is when you can…
Call whenever you want
Not only can you call a real friend over and over again, you can call them at any hour of the day/night, and if they’re not a psycho and don’t turn their phone off when they sleep (I know people who do this, WHAT ABOUT EMERGENCIES?), they will answer.
Say whatever you want
You can say whatever you want. You’re not worried about being rude, mean, politically incorrect or crazy. You just get to talk. I know you hear yourself when you talk about a guy you’ve met once but have access to his Instagram account. You feel crazy, and that’s okay! You’re allowed to talk it out. And if you don’t, then it’s just some creepy secret. It’s much better when there’s at least some sort of joke to go along with it.
Not worry about judgement
Goes with saying whatever you want, but is more important. Like, if you can say all these things but feel secretly judged, that sucks. So being able to talk openly and not worry about if your friend is thinking you’re a bad person, or a crazy person is like, really real.
Listen to you rehearse important things
This is VERY important. As you get older, you will start having to have more and more “real talks” with people, and it’s going to be annoying. You are going to have to talk to your boss about a promotion, a raise, taking time off or wanting to leave the company, and it’s going to scare the s**t out of you. You’re going to have to talk to a boyfriend about breaking up, or to an ex about still liking them, and that’s going to make you want to vomit. You’re going to have to talk to your parents about something embarrassing like being arrested, crashing your car or needing them to pay a parking ticket, and that’s going to be unpleasant. Having a sounding board so you can practice until that speech is ON POINT is one of the best parts of having a true friend. These things are nerve-wracking and you can’t just go in blind!
Sit in silence aka (parallel playing)
HG co-founder Rivka Sophia Rossi taught me the term “parallel playing” and it’s the best thing. It’s when you can lay next to someone and do your own thing and never talk, but still have the comfort and coziness of having someone there with you. The best is when your both on your computers, with separate headphones, doing separate work but you’re next to each other. Or when you’re both reading different books but still there with each other. Or when you have an old episode of The Bachelor on TV, you’re on 16 different websites at once and you’re looking through Instagram filters – but again, still have someone there. This is great because sometimes you need silence but not space. That’s like, what I want most of the time – to have everyone around me not talking and just hanging.
Like the same music – at least mostly
This is mostly important for driving around. You have to have some common ground. I’m not saying you can’t like some different artists – duh, you’re best friends, not musical soul mates – but liking one thing at least that is the go to drive music is serious. I need to listen to hip-hop and Beyoncé in the car. I want to dance around and sing and rap – and if you’re going to try and make me listen to like, Imogen Heap, I’ll make up reasons why I can’t drive with you and why we should take separate cars everywhere, and honestly, the EARTH can’t take that right now.
Teach each other things
I want to be friends with smart people who know different things than I do so that they can teach me things and I can learn about things I wouldn’t otherwise learn about. Also I want to teach someone else something and feel like they think I’m smart and interesting.
Same sense of humor
I mostly just want to laugh. Ideally, I’d like to laugh about 70% of the day. You don’t have to be a comic and tell jokes… actually, please don’t do that, it’s annoying. You just have to think the same things are funny. If you think babies are hilarious, great. If you think Jackass is hilarious, great. If you think the same people in your office are funny, amazing! You should be able to bring your BFF to tears with a glance.
Be honest with each other
When your best friend is being annoying, you’re allowed to tell them. You can tell them when you don’t want to talk to them, or when you’re in such a bad mood speaking might actually ruin the relationship. You’re allowed to tell them they don’t look good in their outfit. You’re responsible for telling them that, actually. You can tell them TO PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND DON’T TEXT THAT GUY if it’s needed. You can tell them they are being rude, great, amazing or awful. You get to tell them the TRUTH. It sort of sounds like I’m telling you to bully your best friend. I’m not.. I’m just saying, keep it TRILL, son.
If you need to get in their bed at 3am, you can
Does this need more of an explanation? If you don’t feel cozy, or you feel sad, cold or lonely, you’re allowed to just get in there. Don’t worry about waking them up, they’re already happy you’re there!