Real Conversations with Commercial Cleaning Products' Fictional Spokespeople

It seems to me every commercial for a cleaning product involves a woman cleaning the house and talking to whatever cleaning supply comes to life in her house. Whether it be Mr. Clean or a Swiffer Wet Jet. I think it’s time for these commercial to be a little bit more honest and realistic. Here’s how I imagine myself in these commercials.

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

It’s nighttime, which means I’m in my typical sweatpants outfit. My shirt has a slight stain on it. I’m in my kitchen eating my second bowl of cereal when out of nowhere Mr. Clean pops up.

Me: Oh no, you’re here again.

He looks around at my messy kitchen and is clearly upset.

Mr. Clean: I can see you haven’t been using my cleaning supplies I left you last week.

A stack of Mr. Clean products sit untouched in the corner of my kitchen.

Me: I’ve been busy.

Mr. Clean: Let me just show you how the magic eraser works.

Me: Look. I’m just not in the mood to clean up. I’m feeling pretty tired. I’m in the middle of a really well made and riveting Lifetime movie. What do you say you just make us some popcorn? I have one clean dish left.

Mr. Clean looks around at my messy kitchen. I stare at him, pleadingly.

Mr. Clean: Are you sure you don’t just want to wash them really quickly? The Magic Eraser…

Me: Get out.


I’m in my same sweatpants outfit in the kitchen. There is a spill on the counter and food remnants on the kitchen table.

Me: I’m so glad you’re here! You’re in your flannel and everything. You look like you’re ready to cut down some trees, get logs and build a fire….will you do that?

Brawny Man: I just came here to see how my paper towels have been holding up.

Me: They’re great. I mean I haven’t used them in the recent past per se, but I have used them before and I think they’re fine. So how long are you here for? Last time you just dropped off some paper towels, showed me how to use them for a second and then left.

Brawny Man: I wish you had kept using them.

Me: Well, I wish you had stayed longer, but you can’t always get what you want. How about some popcorn and a movie? I don’t have any clean dishes left, but I guess we could eat off your paper towel?

Brawny Man: Yeah, let’s say we break into some of this paper towel and start cleaning!

Me: Just get out of my house.

He starts to walk away.

Me: Wait. Come back. I’ve got Hoarders on my instant queue. You won’t think I’m so messy after watching that. I’m so lonely.

Snuggle Fabric Softener:

I’m in my sweatpants outfit, which is pretty dirty now. I’m on my couch watching television when in walks Snuggle Bear with some dryer sheets.

Me: Hey, what are you doing here?

Snuggle Bear: Just thinking you’d like to do some laundry.

Cut to: Dirty clothes piled next to my washing machine.

Snuggle Bear: I’ve got fabric softener that will make your clothes all soft and snuggly.

Me: Nope. Not tonight.

Snuggle Bear: Is there anything better than fresh, warm clothes, clean sheets and towels?

Me: A marathon of Law & Order and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

Snuggle Bear looks at me imploringly.

Snuggle Bear: I just want to make the world a softer place.

Me: Aww, you’re so nice. You seem like you’d be a really good friend. Do you want to watch some TV? Take the night off from doing laundry? We can watch whatever you want.

Snuggle Bear can sense my need for a friend and begrudgingly sits down.

Me: Do you want a blanket? I’ve got one clean one left.

Snuggle Bear gets up and leaves.

 Swiffer Wet Jet:

I’m in my kitchen, same sweatpants, more stains when in walks Swiffer Wet Jet.

Me: Oh no. I really have gone crazy.

Feature image via.

  • Shalma Movassaghi

    I have also felt myself become highly annoyed with this trope in advertisement. I wrote Swiffer an email about it once. Who knows what they did about it, but I’m glad you also take note of things like this. Ridic.

Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!

Want more Giggles?
Sign up for our newsletter!