Random Thoughts On: Beauty and the Beast

My brain and the thoughts that tumble in and around it are random. They are also completely useless – it’s a deadly combo. If I could stop them, I would. There are a lot better ways I could spend my time. Please remember that none of what you’re about to read is going to be useful information, but if I have to think about mindless dribble all day, I thought it’d be fun to take others down with me. So please enjoy my recent random thoughts about Beauty and the Beast

If it’s been awhile since you’ve seen Beauty and the Beast, let’s start at the very beginning, where they explain why the Beast has been cursed. Luckily for you, it’s a voice over, so I can break it up sentence by sentence and give you every random thought that entered my mind.

Once upon a time in a far away land a young Prince lived in a shinning castle.

The actual age of the Prince struck me when watching this time. In ‘Be Our Guest’, Lumiere says, “Ten years we’ve been rusting needing so much more than dusting.” Spoiler alert: we’re about to find out the curse becomes permanent when the Beast is 21. So, the way I figure it, the Beast was around 10 when this curse was put on him. So yeah, you could call him a “young Prince” but I’d call him a 10-year-old-boy.

Although the Prince had everything his heart desired, the Prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind.

Most kids go through several stages of assh***ry. Trust me, I’m a nanny. Just because he’s a Prince doesn’t mean he’d be any different. I mean, how many times did I see that video of Prince William sticking his tongue out at the cameras leading up to the Royal Wedding? A lot. The point? Prince kids can act like jerks too.

But then one winter’s night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose…

In my mind, I picture her being very similar to the roses ladies in the West Hollywood area.

…in return for shelter from the bitter cold.

Fun fact: according to most historians, this film is to blame for the creation of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. *

Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the Prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away.

Now, here’s what I imagine happened that night to make the Prince turn this woman away. The Prince’s parents were going out to the theater for date night. They might be a King and Queen but they gotta keep things spicy just like everyone else. Before leaving the house, the Queen turned to her son and said, “Son, we’ll be back soon but while we’re gone listen to Cogsworth and please don’t let any strangers into our shinning castle. I just got a new ruby necklace and if it gets stolen, your father would have me beheaded.” So obviously the Prince, wanting his mother to keep her head, couldn’t possibly let in this strange lady into his castle. *

But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances for beauty is found within and when he dismissed her again…

I must admit, I’m totally on this kid’s side. I myself have grown to hate the roses lady. No ma’am, I don’t want a rose ’cause I’m not on a date with this person and if you must know, there’s a good chance I’m dying alone. So, please take your roses elsewhere. Wait, where was I? Oh right, the point is, I understand his aversion to this lady at his door.

…the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress.

Cougar alert!

The Prince tried to apologize, but it was too late for she had seen that there was no love in his heart and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

I think we can all agree that this seems like a pretty harsh punishment for a 10-year-old boy. Look, I don’t know what got into Roses Ann Coulter, but she was obviously out looking to start trouble. I get that she likes the power and attention but why start a feud with a 10-year-old boy?

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle. With a magic mirror as his only link to the outside world.

Sadly, later that night he watched his parents get murdered outside the theater on that very mirror. Which is one of many similarities between the Beast and Batman. Feel free to think about that on your own time. *

The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year.

Luckily for him, the drinking age in France isn’t 21 because beer goggles aren’t going to hurt his situation.

If he could learn to love another and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a Beast for all time.

One, why does the Beast have to marry a girl? I think he could get some serious play in the bear community. Two, he’s the ugliest of all the Disney princes and I’m not saying he looks better as the Beast, but it’s not horrible compared to what he was working with before. It wouldn’t be that bad if he were to be stuck being a Beast, he’d just have to adopt an attitude similar to Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf.

As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a Beast?

I don’t want to give it away, but it’s Belle and just so there’s no confusion, they cut to her singing in the very next shot.

A few final thoughts I had through the film:

  1. I think Belle is adopted. How else can you explain 5’8” Belle and the 5’0” Wilfred Brimley-looking Papa?
  2. It has been too long since Celine Dion’s had a movie soundtrack hit. TOO LONG!
  3. Why doesn’t the Beast have a name? He’s called Prince, Master and Beast, but what’s his real name? Eventually we found out Mr. Big’s name. Maybe his family names all the boys in it Prince, too, so he goes by Blanket?

And that concludes my thoughts on Beauty and the Beast. I hope it didn’t take too long to read, because you’re never getting this time back.

*Statement most likely not true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kwuyscik Kelly Wuyscik

    A+. I think about things like this all the time. Specifically, the fact that a 10 year old was left home alone and then punished for saying “no” to a stranger. Life is so cruel.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bonnie.gail Bonnie Birdsell Williams

    Ahahahaha! “Roses Ann Coulter.” I die.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bethielala Beth Thompson Workman

    Watch this, it will make it even better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcuI6K9daIw

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1418582717 Becky Hermann

    My sister and I named the Prince “Van” when we were younger, so that is now waht he is referred to: Prince Van from Beauty and the Beast. Feel free to adopt the name as well.

    Brilliant post, btw.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=750795059 Jennifer Graves

    i love that i’m not the only person who breaks apart disney movies this way. kudos! great post.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1526310071 Kimberly Berry

    The Prince does have a name! It’s Prince Adam. :) I’m a total Disney geek and can promise you that’s true!

  • http://www.facebook.com/samjdelaney Samantha Delaney

    Biggest BATB nerd popping in : The Beast’s name is Prince Adam. It’s never mentioned in the movie or any of the sequels. It was apparently revealed on a Disney CDROM trivia game. (That, yes, I owned)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacki.dunn Jacki Dunn

    I’ve convinced myself that the prince wasn’t actually 10. The rose would bloom until his 21st year as a beast, but his princely body wasn’t actually aging… So he would be the same age as when he went in.

    I’ll do whatever it takes to keep my favorite Disney movie from being illogical.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001902111632 Marleen Hoek

    Great blog! I recently bought the movie and when I watched it I was thinking the exact same things!!
    It is also kind of weird that the little cup (here his name is ‘barstje’) and his mother (the teacup ‘Mevrouw tuit’) is very veryyy old! Did they have in vitro pregnancies then?
    Also Belle only spends about 3 days in the castle.. you can hardly say they know eachother well..

  • http://www.facebook.com/LaDracul Joanna Boese

    It’s a film that doesn’t hold good memories for me, but it was more because I auditioned for a production, and was really hurt that I was being pushed into a role I didn’t want. The worst part is, I have a bad feeling I was not asked to audition for Belle because there was a dress she was using that I had no way of fitting into. (And she hardly did things like that…) I was hurt, as I really WAS treated like Belle, being the outsider that people would talk behind their back about instead of getting to know. It seems like all these thin girls didn’t have that experience.

    So I promised myself the next time it’s produced, I would just go for Belle. And only Belle, as I know I understand her well enough. It shouldn’t matter that I’m not a model, but that I’ve been there, which a lot of us have.

  • http://www.facebook.com/aaminam1 Aamina Malik

    Hahahaha I enjoyed the article, but I think you were a little harsh about Beast’s human appearance- I know you don’t see him as human til the end of the movie, but I’ve always sort of had a thing for him. He’s much cuter than the prince from Snow White, or Eric from Ariel. (Although maybe not as cute as Aladdin). :p

    • http://www.facebook.com/sillyjaime Jaime Hughes

      No no no. Prince Eric is the bestest Disney prince out there! When that movie came out I totally wanted to marry him. :] Then again I was like 6 or something.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thelonelytourist Jonna Isaac

    Wow. 10 years old!? I never did the math. No wonder he was so pissed and had such a bad attitude all the time, he got SCREWED! Loved this post!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jbauer22 Jessica Bauer

    I think you’re my new best friend because of this post. It was truly the most well-put-together set of random thoughts I’ve ever read. I would like to clap at this point but unfortunately I am limited to expressing myself only through text at this point.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mariana.f.goncalves Mariana Gonçalves

    Maybe he was 21 at first, but the time didn’t pass to him while he was Beast..

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1190501947 Lindsey Garcia

      Yeah.. I don’t think time passed for anyone.. Cuz then Chip would’ve had to of been born a teacup.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501456961 Ashley Marie

    Haha i love it. Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kswintz Katherine Swintz

    OMG! this reminds me of a moment I had with my little sister. She was watching the end og B&tB and I hadn’t seen it in awhile. The second I tune in, I start seeing all these holes. Like: why can’t people go inside instead of climbing up the side of a castle while it’s raining? Or how does Gaston suddenly get superhuman strength to catch up to Beast and stab him in the back? Glad to know I’m not alone in the random thinking.

  • http://www.facebook.com/danimariedavis Danielle Davis Yarmoluk


  • http://www.facebook.com/pinkgrapefruits87 Lauren Nespoli

    I love Beauty and the Beast, and I loved reading this; it was really funny!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=519048187 Meredith Hammond

    You should read the original fairy tale and share your thoughts on that. The Beast still doesn’t have a name and “Belle” is actually Little Beauty. But I love that you did this. Beauty and the Beast has been my favorite Disney film (and one of my favorite movies period) ever since I saw it in theaters when I was two. I even collect Beauty and the Beast knick-knacks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mjademurphy Melissa Jade Murphy

    Wasted my time or not- this made my day.

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