The Heatley Cliff

Random Things Grown Ups Should Know

Recently I wrote about my complicated relationship with Martha Stewart. Martha likes to talk about Good Things in her magazine. Her crafty staff will take a mason jar and turn it into a lamp or teach you how to turn a bedsheet into a crewelled apron. On her show, she took this one step further by having an entire hour dedicated to things that Martha thinks you should know how to do, like pack and make scrambled eggs. I don’t think I need to tell you that it’s Martha’s way or the highway.

Sher and I decided to do a version of this on our show. Even though I feel like Sher and I are the same people in two different bodies, it was kind of hilarious to see how different our takes on this topic were. Hers were fun and sassy. Mine were practical and bossy. I’ll let you guess who came up with what.

  • In the state of Kentucky, it is illegal to carry an ice cream in your back pocket.
  • The right lighting will turn your house (or apartment, condo or dorm room) into a cozy home. You should know the wattage of all your bulbs and unless you are in the kitchen or putting on make up you don’t need anything brighter than a 40 watt bulb anywhere. Let me amend that. Three way lightbulbs (that go from 40 to 65 or 70 are helpful for reading or crafting) will also do. Point is, harsh light will make you look tired and old and…wide, especially in the bedroom.
  • Hairspray takes ink marks out of clothes.
  • Take the burden out of laundry by appointing two days for the task. It is especially helpful if you choose the same two days because then it becomes habitual and actually less annoying because it becomes programmed into you, like a robot. Take one day to change your sheets and wash the dirty ones and also, all of your towels and other linens. Take the other day to do clothes. Yes, this means changing your sheets every week. Seem impossible? I have three kids. It’s possible.
  • Always moisturize a new tattoo so it doesn’t scab too much and always put SPF over it when you go out. People say not to put any moisturizer on a new tat, Sher disagrees vehemently. She’s pretty much an expert now, so I would trust her.
  • It doesn’t matter what you use or how much it costs or the brand. From a drug store to Neiman Marcus, there is never any excuse not to wash your face at night. There is no room for discussion. There is no sometimes. If you want your skin to look good into your old age you MUST wash and moisturize it every night.
  • Making a perfect pot of rice does not mean doubling the amount of water to rice ratio. Fill up your pot with the amount of rice that you want to make and place your fingers atop the level of rice vertically. Fill the water up till it reaches the first line on your middle finger.
  • Have a sad looking empty wall somewhere in your home? Create a photo wall. Print out as many pictures as you want in varying sizes from 3×5 to 11×14. Go to Michael’s (or equivalent) and buy all black or all wood or all white frames. A uniform color. There will also should be pre cut mattes there too. Put your pictures and matting in the frames and then start by placing, randomly, the biggest pictures around the wall. Then go the next size down, then lower and lower until you get to the smallest size. ┬áThis way your wall looks neatly done, but not like you tried too hard. Or wallpaper it. Obviously.
  • An Alpaca is not a Llama.
  • You should know how to tie a scarf like a French lady. This is obviously difficult to explain in writing, so please go to the best website I’ve ever seen on the topic with great video tutorials here.

Please friends, comment and tell us what you think people should know. And as always, you are welcome to visit us as the Heatley Cliff anytime!

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