Okay, people, time to put your money where your mouth is. My posts about the British way of dating and How to be British had LOTS of comments about how you guys are total Brits… just born and raised in the wrong country.
Let’s put that to the test. Now, you will need to get a pen and some paper, or note your answers on your phones or something. When you get to the bottom, add up your scores and find out just how British you REALLY are.
Question 1: You bump into someone in the street – it was their fault. What do you do?
(a) Say nothing and just carry on
(b) Say sorry
(c) Make them apologise
Question 2: The fashionista-girl at work compliments you on your outfit. You say…
(b) “Oh, this? It’s only Primark”
(c) “Thanks – I love it too!”
Question 3: The first thing you think when you hear the words ‘Cougar Town’ is…
(a) Cardiff on a Saturday night
(b) A US TV show starring Courtney Cox
(c) The latest Ben Fogle wildlife show
Question 4: It’s the first sunny day of the year and you weren’t expecting it. What are you doing?
(a) Whatever I had planned – there’ll be more nice days
(b) Dropping EVERYTHING, grabbing the picnic basket and heading for the nearest open space
(c) Staying indoors. I hate the sun.
Question 5: …and what are you wearing?
(a) Clothes perfectly appropriate to the temperature and time of year
(b) Shorts or a skirt – these legs may never get a chance to see the sun AGAIN!
(c) Layers, with an umbrella in your handbag
Question 6: Who were Sooty, Sweep and Sue?
(a) Slightly dodgy Enid Blyton characters
(b) Hand puppets
(c) Eastenders characters
Question 7: He lives in a house, a very big house…
(a) …he’s in the 1%
(b) …in the country
(c) …in the Greater London area. (But he’s no-one I know)
Question 8: Your humour is…
(a) Witty, sharp and excitingly original
(c) Dry and self-deprecating
Question 9: A meal at 7pm is…
Question 10: Someone drops their mug of tea in a greasy spoon cafe…
(a) What’s a greasy spoon cafe?
(b) You help them clean it up
(c) You join in the round of applause
Question 11: Out of Ant and Dec…
(a) Ant was PJ, Dec was Duncan
(b) Dec was PJ, Ant was Duncan
(c) Nobody really cares – but a whole generation will never risk paintballing
Question 12: Queues are…
(b) Tiresome – each man for himself is more evolutionarily viable
(c) Easily ignored
1: a=5, b=10, c=0
2: a=10, b=5, c=0
3: a=10, b=0, c=5
4: a=5, b=10, c=0
5: a=0, b=10, c=5
6: a=0, b=10, c=0
7: a=5, b=10, c=5
8: a=0, b=5, c=10
9: a=10, b=10, c=10 (they are all valid in different parts of the country!)
10: a=0, b=5, c=10
11: a=10, b=0, c=10 (PJ was a character on teen TV show Byker Grove and got blinded by a stray paintball)
12: a=10, b=0, c=0
So…how British are you?
You’re not really very British, are you? I suggest you start taking yourself MUCH more seriously, and worrying more about what people think of you.
Don’t make a scene! It’s likely that you are quite British in character but not quite down with our pop culture. I suggest ten listens to Britpop Mix 1996, 3 cups of tea and a personal lesson from me about how to take the mick out of yourself for the amusement of others.
Well, you’re very British, aren’t you? Well done. I think.
Lovely image via ShutterStock.