— Sex Talk

These are just 7 questions you can ask yourself to know if you're ready to have sex


Even though the media loves to sell us sexed up anything and everything, actually talking about the birds and the bees is still pretty taboo. Even though our culture has been shifting away from that, thanks in part to the younger generation, we still have a long way to go in the realm of sex ed. Plus, since sex means something different for everyone, it makes sense that each person’s experience with it will be unique as well.

Although there is no universal “right” time to have sex for the first time, most of us knew when we were ready to do it. You have every right to enjoy yourself with some steamy love-making, but you also have the right to do so under your own terms. Making sure you’re safe, and know what to expect from the relationship and the experience, can save you a lot of anxiety. If you’re ready to have sex, asking yourself these questions could help you be confident and comfortable with your decision.

1Do I trust this person?

Sex makes you vulnerable; you are allowing someone to see and feel you in a new way. Asking yourself if you actually trust them to take care of you, especially the first time you’re having sex, is vital. You want to feel comfortable enough in the moment to enjoy the experience, and the last thing you should be thinking of is if this person respects you and your boundaries.

Although you don’t need to have an emotional connection with the person, trust is still important. Not only will it make the experience that much better, but it will make it that much more important as well.

2Am I doing this for me?

The only person you should be having sex for is you. Period. It doesn’t matter if your friend or partner thinks you should — the only person whose opinion matters is yours. If you’re having sex because you feel ready, then absolutely go for it. But if you’re having sex because you think you should be, then you may want to think about why. After all, you’re the only person who’s going to live with the decision, so give yourself a break and think about what YOU want. Your needs and wants are valid.

3Do I have protection?

No glove, no love! Truly, condoms are a godsend. If you’re not trying to have a baby, and want to protect yourself from STDs, all you have to do is slide one on. In an interview with Bustle, Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist, says the key to using a condom is to buy the right ones.

“It’s just a little piece of plastic; they can’t be that different, right? Wrong! There are actually tons of different condoms that perform very differently from each other. The trick to improving your condom experience is to experiment with lots of different models. There’s a really cool company called Lucky Bloke that is solely dedicated to helping men find the right condom for them. If you want to surprise your guy with some new options, you can also check out their condom sampler packs.”

In a political climate where women’s bodies and bodily autonomy are constantly being threatened, the least you can do when you have sex is make sure you do it safely. So whether you’re using dental dams or condoms, bring your own and don’t let your partner tell you that “it ruins the mood” or “doesn’t feel as good.” Even if you’re on birth control, you can still use protection. Better safe than sorry.

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