I guess I should start off by walking you through how to actually identify, and then access, the lavatory. The bathroom is the door marked “LAVATORY” (it’s not one of those big doors with the huge handles through which you entered the aircraft). Anyway, there is this weird round apparatus located approximately midway up the outside of the LAVATORY door. This apparatus is called a doorknob.* Turn it.
So once you figure out how to locate and subsequently enter the lavatory, just in case you are unaware, airplanes DO in fact have toilets that flush. We are not flying outhouses.
For the love of God and all things holy, please do us all a favor and just flush the damn thing after you fill it up. There is a button located directly above the toilet paper that is marked with the word… wait for it… “FLUSH”. This indicates that pushing said button will indeed remove the toilet’s contents into the dark abyss.
I would also highly recommend wearing shoes when you enter any airplane lavatory. That liquid on the floor? Probably not water. It amazes me that people actually walk into the lav without shoes. I’m going to just assume that they do the same thing at a gas station bathroom as well. Same damn diff. By the way, to all of you who enter the lavatory barefoot or in socks, I would like to personally thank you for traipsing your now disease-ridden and urine-soaked dogs throughout the cabin. We all truly appreciate it.
Also, if you then walk out of the lav after not flushing or washing your hands (yes, we can hear that you haven’t done either), thrashing the door open harshly without closing it (don’t worry, I’ll get it!), inside I am really wishing that I could punch you in your throat.
Thank you for flying with us and BUH-BYE.
*The ashtray does not open the door.
This article is an adaptation of my original post on Rants of a Sassy Stew.