I am good at many things, such as being able to strike up one-sided conversations with dogs of any breed, starting something and then never finishing it, not scratching itches because then that means, in my head, that the itch “wins”, and procrastinating the ever living hell out of anything and everything.
If I have a responsibility, it will be shirked until the last minute. Whether that responsibility is taking a shower before work or cleaning my room before my self-imposed deadline, it will not be done until I know I can’t possibly do it in the allotted time I have left. And then I wait 15 more minutes.
I’m constantly late to everything. Most say that this is a power play, but it’s not. It’s just that there are so many wonderful things in this world that distract me along the way to my destination: like the Internet, my phone, television. Okay, fine, it’s not just that, but my dogs, and trees, and people watching. My brain just can’t wrap its head around the concept of clocks when I become distracted.
I goofed big time today. For some reason, I gave myself a mere 26 hours to read a 525 page book before one of my classes. During that 26 hours I also had a 6 hour shift at work and an hour long class. I really gave myself 19 hours to read 525 pages.
At the current time of midnight:30, I still have 300 left and am due in class in 13 and a half hours. I have to take a shower and get ready for the class and factor in transportation, so really I have 12 hours. I am not, of course, including sleep. Procrastinators have learned how to do away with sleep when necessary.
Every Sunday night I rest my head upon the pillow and promise myself that this Monday will be the start of a brand new Caragh. I only do this on Sunday because everyone knows that you can only start over on Mondays. Or maybe that’s just another way for me to procrastinate.
I’ve compiled a list of additional constant procrastinated events in my life:
- Shaving. There is no better physical metaphor for the dangers of procrastination like shaving. If you shave every day, your razor glides over the various body parts with ease and you’re done in under 10 minutes. If you wait a week, or you know… two… or three… then prepare to run out of hot water, because you are going to be dragging a quickly dulled razor over the same part of your shin 4 times before you clear a path.
- Caloric intake. On a diet? Great! Grapefruit for breakfast! 3 ounces of plain, grilled chicken for lunch! ALL OF THE PIZZA FOR DINNER. Congratulations, you’ve consumed 300 calories before dinner, and then 4000 between 7:00 PM and 7:04 PM.
- Papers. If it takes you half an hour to write one double spaced page, then it should only take you 2 and a half hours to write a full paper, right? So why not start it the night before it’s due? One page, great! Two pages, great! Three pages — oh no, I was on Tumblr for the last half hour. Okay, time to get back on — I wonder what is on Facebook. Now it’s time to start page — wait, did I miss this week’s Park and Recreation? And then your alarm goes off and you realize that it’s time to go to class and whatever you have written is lost because you drooled all over the keyboard in your sleep, completely shorting out your MacBook. Congratulations, you’re in college!
GPOY. I’m the biggest procastinator ever, once I had a paper for my 6am class, I didn’t start it until 2 am., and it happens ALL the time.
Story. Of. My. Life.
I’m procrastinating right now! My thesis is due tomorrow and I have to reference half of it before then. I’ll get around to it. I find I do my best work at 1am, until recently that is. Now there is a mouse in my house that likes to come out and visit me, from a nice controlled distance everynight at 1am, so I have to force myself to do my work in daylight so I am conveniently preoccupied with sleep and can’t see my rodent acquaintance. Plus I don’t want to be around when it finally finds its way into the mouse trap… having rodents in your house is good motivation for getting your work done.
that happens to me all the time… I had to write a paper for English class, and I finished it a two am the day it was due… thing is we had OVER a month to work on it. I blame the whole Bones cast for that…
And then the one time I was working on my Science Fair project… put a bunch of random psychological terms on a word doc, printed it and then pretty-fied a presentation board.
WHEN WILL WE LEARN????
Sometimes my brain thinks I can fold space like the guild navigators in the movie Dune. It doesn’t work.
My roomie takes the cake: two tests tomorrow, and where is she?: sleeping and eating lunch. thats all she does, sleep, then eat lunch. repeat. open book. close book. sleep, eat. don’t forget the cleaning and half an hour makeup session before you can actually open the book. procrastination is really an impressive skill.
“And then I wait 15 more minutes.” — EXACTLY!
I have 210 pages to read and a 5 page paper to write on those pages for my class tomorrow. Luckily it’s not until 2pm.. Still… not my greatest plan. But still, I am a master of procrastination. I might even squeeze in a Zumba class and 2 episodes of Mad Men. We’ll see.
Finished my 9 page paper in 3 hours. What up.
Hooray for Caragh Poh! Laughed my ass off in the office while I was supposed to be working.
Yeah.. This is me too. HuzzaH!
Oh hey, I didn’t know that you were writing the story of my life.
Seriously though, my friends don’t understand why I’m CONSTANTLY late to everything and I’ve never been able to properly explain it. And you nailed it.
He heeee! Me too, me too! I procrastinate most at folding laundry. I’ll fold in while watching TV, but sometimes even watching Tv requires ALL of my attention, so I fold during commercial breaks. Then I doze off in a stack of towles, my dog does the same, and when I wake up, I have to fold everything all over again.
Oh noes I hit the little down arrow instead of the heart! How do I fix it it won’t let me change?
I LOVE falling asleep in warm towels!!!
I’ll be suing you for copyright infringement of my life.
Hope you finished the book…or at least read enough of it that it seems you did!
I feel like I wrote this!! hah
Oh, by the way guys? I read all 525 pages, finished IN THE PARKING LOT of my school, and when I sat down in class… found out that that I only had to read to 250. Hand to God. I’ve been laughing about this non stop since.
I’m an English major too – and I’ve done that with a few books. I’ve also just…done away with the reading altogether and just faked my way through class discussion.
Yay for a local blogger! I’m horrible at procrastinating as well…I’m going to be late go my own funeral, I swear. I only work well when I’m running out of time and then some…only problem is, I always have overzealous expectations of myself :p
Same. Can you imagine what we could accomplish if we didn’t procrastinate? I should be reading right now.
Yes! Thank you. English AND Philosophy degree. Bad procrastination!