Champagne Problems Post-Traumatic Turkey Syndrome JC Coccoli

Here we are, days after the big fruitful event of stuffing our pie holes and now look at us. Sloppy. Chubby. But happy! I am not saying woofing down piles of food brings upon a happiness forever, but it sure does feel lovely to know that a few times out of the year, nobody’s really watching your tummy bulge.

For me, it’s what happens after the holidays that truly makes my jiggle giggles. People go on a workout frenzy to get that bangin’ bod back so they (we) can mate again. Because let’s face it, nobody wants to mate with a human that is appreciating pumpkin pie more than the man in their bed. (Although on certain days, I would debate that). Nevertheless, I feel my prettiest when my tummy isn’t rolling over my jeans like the muffin top I used to have. Yea, I said it: muffin top. I had one and every now and then, part of me wants it back because it yelled out to the world,”Forget you, world. I love RANCH. On everything!”

But alas, letting your muffin top take over your life isn’t going to really make you happy. Espesh if you are staring at your wardrobe going, “Nope.” “Won’t fit.” “Yikes.” “What am I, a tween?” You have to get your butt in gear and find a happy weight and size for you. We Americans spend a healthy amount of time appreciating the emaciated look. (Which, not gonna lie, on some days looks gorge.) But, the reality is, we gots to eat. We just do. And, we gots to embrace those body flaws regardless of whether or not it’s the most appealing thing.

Example: the Victoria’s Secret fashion show is coming up this week and part of me wants to watch it to learn some saucy moves and the other part wants to woof a pizza down while watching Liz & Dick on Lifetime for the third time. (It was out of control. Go. Watch. Now). There is a happy medium out there for you. So splurge. Cheat. Then walk it off. That’s what baby Jesus wants.

Image via Maker Studios

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  1. Here I am, being quiet and normal in the middle of the small coffee shop, and I decided it’d be a great idea for me to watch your video. Goodbye quiet and normal! Suddenly everyone is staring at me and that’s when I realized I just bursted into sudden (very loud) laughter. Thank you.

  2. oh snap!