Poll By Bullies Reveals British Men Don't Think Kristen Stewart Is Sexy

According to a poll of British men on MenKind.co.uk, Kristen Stewart tops the list of “least sexy” women in Hollywood. Oh brother. It’s a list of babes, if you ask me. But what do I know? For a full list and shockingly earnest coverage of this important poll, check out The Independent.

That’s a fine article, Independent, but you made a few mistakes. Don’t worry, I’ve taken it upon myself to correct them for you. After all, it’d be an injustice to the advancement of our society to just let an article like this stand as is.

First things first; when you wrote,

Twilight star Kristen Stewart is the Hollywood actress men would least like to get their teeth into.

That’s a very tempting set up to a classic, British dentistry joke, guys. Consider revising.

Next you wrote,

(She) proved to be more undesirable than Sarah Jessica Parker and Lindsay Lohan.

In this instance, you should distinguish them as, “Noted Cootie-Havers Sarah Jessica Parker and Lindsay Lohan.”

You wrote,

Stewart – who had a fling with married director Rupert Sanders while dating movie hunk Robert Pattinson – was seen in her final Twilight film Breaking Dawn – Part 2 last year.

However, I think you meant to add, in a hushed tone, “I, like, don’t usually gossip but, like, oh my God. Scandal! We should totally impeach her from student body.”

Next you wrote,

The poll was held ahead of the Oscars, which are being staged in Los Angeles this weekend.

I’m sensing a subtext here. My advice? Just be direct and write, “Whether or not the Oscars are coming up, this poll stinks of misogyny and is irrelevant. In the following paragraphs, I will attempt to find reason for its disgusting existence and fail. My boss is making me write this, though, and I’m on a deadline. I know, right? I’m sorry, women of the world. You deserve better. ”

I also noticed you quoted MenKind as saying,

“Our Oscars poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men – it’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance.”

Did you mean to quote them as saying, “Our Oscars poll has been a fascinating insight into the minds of British men who would like to shame women who don’t give them boners”?

You’re killing me with this next one, Independent. You had to have misquoted again! I refuse to believe such an esteemed polling organization would say all of this:

“They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthily skinny starlets on the big screen.”

That quote had to be more like, “No ice queens or flat-chests allowed, bro. Spring Break!!!”

I hope this helps. I’m no expert, though. Next time you want to release a mean-spirited garbage poll, you should really talk to a middle school lunch table. They are the masters!

Featured image via ShutterStock

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=851885006 Jenny Lonussen

    What a terrible article (not yours but the one you describe, you’re actually pretty spot on).

    “They were turned off by volatile and moody actresses as well as ice queens. And they don’t want to see unhealthily skinny starlets on the big screen.”

    I think this part bothers me most. I’m probably biased in my indignation as someone who happens to really like Kristen Stewart but I think I probably would’ve been as offended if it had been about anyone else. How do these people even know if any of these women are ice queens, moody and/or volatile (which for men is probably translated as cool and bad ass men)? Just because the media spins every frown in between the dozens of smiling pictures as them being horrible, miserable people, doesn’t make it true. Nor do any of these pictures actually say anything about these women on any substantial level., whatsoever And how/why is the objectification of women in any way shape or form gleefully described as a fascinating insight? UGH! /endrant

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=21711665 Claudia Eaton Ballard

    I think your article is horribly harsh and biased. This poll was designed to find out what kind of women British men find sexy. I don’t see how there can be a wrong answer to what people are attracted to. It seems unfair to bash the results of this poll just because it discovered that British men prefer curvacious, bubbly women. Just because you personally like Kristen Stewart doesn’t mean that everyone does. Unfortunately, since the majority of us are not personal friends with famous actresses all we know of their personalities is what they portray in public. I find it odd how someone appearing to be a feminist could twist a statement like, “- it’s shown that sexiness is far more than appearance.” into shaming women. Do we want our men to be attracted to looks alone?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1126140026 Dena Adams

      I completely agree with you. Yes, I agree with the writer that a poll about the least attractive poll is childish however, their justifications for not liking her don’t seem that outlandish. I’m not attracted to her/find her sexy because of similar reasons. She doesn’t seem to have a great personality. That could be a media bias and their portrayal of her however, that’s what is presented to the general public.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=300500184 Jordyn Nicole Goshorn

      I agree with Claudia and Dena… and I live in England.
      Sorry to say it – because everyone has their hollywood favs – but the Twilight chick is just not ‘hot’ over here. I have to agree with the Independent…. which actually is a very reliable news source. Now if you had quoted the daily mail or the several others, I’d probably have agreed that it was a bunch of rubbish.
      To offer you a bit of hope, however, I took a look at FHM’s (uk) top 100 women in 2012 and Stewart was on the list (at the bottom – but she’s still on the list)… but every man I’ve ever spoken to hints at women such as Scarlett Johanson or Jessica Alba instead of ‘the expressionless one’….
      Sorry chick-a-dee – just sharing what I know….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=119100197 Jennifer Dinsmore

    I’m also going to have to agree that this article seems a little harsh. Is it really worthwhile to pick apart one random poll about what some men find attractive and turn it into a rant about how women are shamed for their looks? I actually find it a little hypocritical when we, as women, take similar polls about who is “Hot or Not”; be it about other women or men. So, it’s okay to do that but when it’s explicitly stated that men were polled it becomes all about solidarity and oh, aren’t they terrible for judging women on something so arbitrary as looks? I’m not saying you do, but let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. Like why the Independent thought running such a feature was worthwhile in the first place.

  • Mary Traina

    I hear you. However, I’ve read plenty of research that’s been done to explore sexual preference. It does not need to involve bullying a list of women. I think it’s important to not let these things just slide. It’s important to stop and ask why it’s necessary to shame specific people. The Independent is a respectable news source and should do better. I would feel the same way if the poll were “lease sexy man in Hollywood.” I honestly don’t know Kristen Stewart or her work… but it’s not about defending her specifically. It’s just about saying, “whoa, hey now, wtf?” :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1663282131 Kendra Glazebrook

    I find it amusing, and I’ll admit also annoying, that this is even noteworthy. People take polls…all the time….about EVERYTHING! What if the poll said, “Men in Britain LOVE Kristen Stewart because, “We prefer women that are much skinnier than the average woman”. Wouldn’t they be demonized for that as well? So they are in trouble if they say they don’t like women that are skinny and they are in trouble if they say that LIKE women that are skinny…..so they are only allowed to like average sized women (Whatever that is)? They aren’t allowed any personal preference? That seems hypocritical (and honestly impossible) as EVERYONE, regardless of gender, finds certain physical attributes more attractive than others. Is it because they talked about it and discovered a majority? So they’re wrong and outrageous because they shared their opinion? Just curious as to what opinions they are allowed to have?

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