Technology is a beautiful thing! The guys who created emails? Text messages? IMs? Those guys will forever have my gratitude. They have made my life so much easier and significantly reduced my anxiety. I absolutely hate phone calls – besides my mother (only because I can’t seem to get away), I hate having to talk on the phone. It sucks! So I am overjoyed that the rise of text-based communication has allowed people like me to almost completely eradicate the horrifying prospect of talking on the phone.
Talking on the phone is awkward and could potentially be disastrous. It gives you no time to think about responses, it forces you to provide immediate answers – answers that you sometimes just don’t have. Lets say your best friend’s little cousin calls and says “Hey [insert your name here], do you think [insert hot hipster guy’s name here] likes me?” – this puts you in the most awkward situation because you know hot hipster guy doesn’t like your best friend’s cousin but is instead sleeping with your brother. How do you break this to her? You have no time to think, so you tell her, you tell her and you sit there waiting for her reply but she doesn’t reply. Why? Because she can’t reply when her heart is being broken into a million pieces. On the other hand, if this exact conversation happened via email, you’d have all the time you need to sit and think about your reply. Maybe you’ll tell her to consider other options, maybe you’ll bring up that way cuter guy she met one time at that party, but whatever you say will save your best friend’s cousin a broken heart and that’s always a good thing. You are kind of a hero!
When someone sends an email, there is no guarantee you’ll see it immediately. Life is fast-paced and we are busy people – we do things! The awesome part is that even if you do see it immediately, there is no proof! If you’re just having an off day and don’t want to talk to anyone, YOU DON’T HAVE TO! This also applies to instant messages. You could have easily left your computer signed in and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to prove you were sitting at your computer watching YouTube videos of adorable singing cats. The best part is, no one is gonna ask if you saw their messages because they don’t want to seem annoying or lonely. Plus, it’s a little presumptuous to act like you have a right to receive and immediate internet reply.
The immediacy of the telephone has become increasingly scary. You don’t want to be put on the spot by receiving a phone call, so you conduct all business via emails and sending incoming calls to voicemail, which will be avoided until there is that annoying notification on your screen telling you that you have no more space for incoming messages. Your heart pounds in your chest and you get chills when you come to the realization that you absolutely have to pick up the phone because it might be employment related. This may force you to answer every unknown number that comes up on your screen.
So, you say ‘Hello’ – and it isn’t work related, but that high school friend you promised to stay in touch with but had successfully avoided until now. You’re trapped; there is no way out so you attempt to make small talk. “How are the kids? What have you been up to?”
After a few horrible minutes of playing ‘catch up’, you are plagued by awkward silence… what do you do now?
You just can’t relax because you’re looking for a way out. Oh! I know, you pretend to be busy or distracted so you can get off the phone, but just as you’re about to explain that you have another call coming in, they ask another question throwing you off your escape route. Then as soon as you finish explaining, the call drops. Now what do you do? You don’t want them to think you hung up, but what if the call didn’t drop and they hung up? Do you call back? Do you wait for them to call you back? OMG! Maybe someone should write a book about phone call etiquette, because I just don’t know.
So you sit there staring anxiously at the phone afraid to do anything else like go to the bathroom, which you REALLY need to do, just in case they call back. Suddenly you’re haunted by disturbing images of being on the toilet as your phone begins to blast that song you now hate with the person calling right back and what if you don’t answer, they might leave a voicemail and then what the fudge are you supposed to do?? It just never ends.
Image via 9gag.com
This is a little extreme. I really like Noella Delaney’s comment. Editing yourself to death! It must be a social anxiety, so be it.
Thank you for this article! I feel so alone with my phone hatred! I have to answer the phone at my job and I absolutely hate it. As for making/taking a call on my personal phone, I despise it more than anything else. Doctors and therapists have diagnosed it as social anxiety/phobia. All I know is – phones are evil!
Thank Heavens for online ordering!!
Finally someone who shares this with me…………hate phone calls – they can get so awkward xx
my voicemail actually, in fact, says this.
Apart from everything you said, my problem with phone calls is that I always assume the person calling is going to ask me to do something for/with them so it’s really annoying for me when I’m looking forward to a relaxing home alone day and the phone rings! Arrggh!
finally someone who understands!!
Haha, this is totally and completely me. Thanks for writing a post that I can share with my friends to help them understand
Talking on phones is the worst…I’ve always hated it, always, always, and this sums up why perfectly! My husband and I share 1,000 minutes per month on our cell plan and my monthly talk time averages roughly 22 of those minutes…mostly talking to him. And I agree with Samantha…small talk is the WORST!
I can move halfway across the country to a place where I don’t know anyone and don’t bat an eye. But when the phone starts ringing? Terrifying! I hate phones. And regardless of what a previous commenter said, it’s not the conversation I hate. It’s the small talk. Small talk isn’t conversation. I’m quite happy sitting and having conversations with people. I just don’t like doing it over the phone.
You’re right! Small talk is just awful.
This is so sad. The subtle art of conversation is dying! Everyone is so eager to hide behind computer screens/cell phones screens so they can edit themselves to death, say only the perfect thing, avoid confrontations.. Look, I’m doing it right now leaving this comment! It’s a shame because meaningful, eloquent phone conversations were really fun/challenging/exciting back in the day, (I’m just remembering when my bf went off to college and we talked on the phone, fought on the phone and mailed eachother actual paper letters! whoa!). I feel sooo old.
I’m not alone!!
Actually- let me rephrase. I hate talking on the phone. I love phones for their e-mail and texting capabilities!
This is definitely me. I talk on the phone all day for my job (and don’t like it much, btw) so I much prefer when people text/e-mail me.
Two things I hate about the phone are, as you mentioned, you don’t have time to think of a response. I’m a very reactive person and often suffer from FMD (Foot in Mouth Disease) so I’ve been known to say the wrong things to the wrong people. “No, I definitely can’t have that for you today. Do I look like a miracle worker and if I was, do you think I’d be working here?”
The second issue I have with the phone is I’ll think someone is done talking, so then I’ll comment on what they say, but we start talking at the same time. Then there’s that awkward pause where we both giggle, wait, and then start talking together again. Inevitably, we both say, “no, you first”, giggle, and it happens again till I finally just give up. The conversation turns to me listening with the appropriate “uh huh- oh yeah. Yup. Sure. Aww” responses till the conversation ends.
I hate phones.
Thank you for this post! Now I know that someone hates phones as much as I do.
YES THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
You’re welcome!