OR, What It Means to Be a Grown Up.
One of the most difficult and hard to accept lessons of adulthood is realizing that you will feel pain and that you cannot go over or under or around it. It’s a terrible place to be in because, well, it’s painful. But the most relevant aspect of pain is that it is caused by something that cannot be ignored or avoided. (*Clinical depression is not included in this description.)
The most important fact to remember about emotional pain is that it will not kill you. It will sting and make you cry, and perhaps make you not want to eat or talk or whatever, but it will not kill you and you will recover. It will simmer and sift around inside you, then eventually it will pass. After it is gone, you will change as a result of it. Whatever you feel at any point in time is not forever. I think one of the reasons that so many become addicts is that they have experienced a pain at a point in their lives that is in fact potentially life-threatening; a pain caused by a trauma so intense that it created a motor reaction to run screaming from feelings that feel similar. (Yes, I am describing PTSD.) The horror that one might feel in reaction to those feelings is in many ways totally logical, and therefor much harder to see as invalid.
Pain – and to a certain extent depression – is a typical experience to have at some point in life and yeah, it’s super terrible, but you can enact important basic steps to get you through it: eating healthily, sleeping, exercising, getting outside and forcing yourself to be around those that love you even when you feel crappy for being a sad or angry complainer in sweatpants. Basic self-care and human interaction is the best medicine when it comes to being stuck in personal purgatory.
And though sometimes it lasts way more time than you wish it did, when you pass through it, you are actively becoming stronger and more stable and more healthy as an adult. You are growing tools that will help you to faster and faster recoveries in future pain. One day that same feeling will not be so scary or unfamiliar. It will just “be”. Kind of like being stuck in traffic. It’s crappy, but it’s not like you can’t handle it. Despite how much an idea like this sucks, this attitude is an extremely healthy way to deal with the emotions you wish you didn’t have. It’s in fact a sign of maturity. Sometimes a middle state of ambivalence is one of the hardest places to be. Good for you if you can accept it and travel through it with grace.
In emotional band-aid short hand: First things first. Take care of your body and your brain will much sooner follow. Just remember that pain is a healthy part of life and when it’s so intense you feel like you can’t be in your body, try to cling to the things that take care of your body and support your serotonin levels. That includes rest and exercise and a little bit of pampering in the name of a happier you. And if it helps you try and repeat to yourself: this too will pass, your body and heart will heal and there are many who love you that will help you get back up again.
As always please share any stories! And happy Sunday. xox Sarah
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Awe Trish, my heart gushes for you. Xox I am glad you felt that way, I would like to think of myself as a virtual friend. Sarah
How appropriate that I read this post today. My little brother died almost six months ago and today was just one of those rough days that I cry at my desk and dont talk to anyone. I feel a little better after reading this; it’s like a friend is trying to cheer me up. Thank you.
Such a beautiful post!!! <3
Thank you Megan!!!
Some of the things I’ve learned during my time on earth: Be patient with yourself. Make note of the things you have done during the day instead of just looking at the things you didn’t do. And, if you have the money, see a therapist.:)
Preach on sista. I concur!!!
very well written I couldn’t agree more
Well thank ye
This is to all of you- thank you for your feedback. It really makes me feel like i am a part of something great.
Thank you so much for the post! every day i come to hellogiggles, i feel better and I kno im not alone in any situations. this piece just really hit me. everything you wrote is exactly how i feel. it really sucks to be an adult. since last yr i have been dealing with lot of pain. i have tried everything, self-help, therapy and destructive behaviors. nothing seems really work. but today i actualy feel better. i got up, cleaned my apt, worked out, and ate healthy. thxs again.
and you mentioned to stay w people who still love you when ur angry and complaining. ur so right. ive heard friends who told me i compain too much. those r the people i should be staying away from. they r not supportive as they thought they are! they only make me feel even worse. now i think i will really stand up to stay away from them!
thank you again! sarah!
Man that’s another post in itself! The painful parts of life also reveal true friends in their most pure form, and in a way you have to doubly let go of people, but eventually you will come out with the best of all parts. So glad you liked and thanks for your comment. Xo
I so needed to read this today. A few days ago, my boyfriend of four and a half years decided he wanted to be single again, and the pain is so, so intense. I feel like I have the flu; I can’t sleep or eat. I’ve been wandering around feeling like I’m in two places at once. Obviously, it’s going to take awhile before the pain starts to go away, but reading things like this helps so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I know that pain and it’s totally worse than the flu! I send you much love, thank you for your sweet words. Xox
This helps me. Thank you. xoxo
You help me back.
thank you for commenting
Think I’ll be re-reading this a lot. Thank you for writing this.
<3
Thank you for saying that. That means I will KEEP writing. xo
This is just so lovely Miss Sarah May. It’s right on. Doctor approved. We all have incredible healing power within.
Thank you Alexandra, I am glad you said that. I was a bit worried about posting this because I thought it might be too intense, but I am very glad it has been the opposite.
Every time you ladies post something, it’s so relevant that I feel like you’re straight to me. Thanks for that.
I fully authentically laughed out loud. That’s a good thing to hear, I think. Thank you for commenting
Men could learn from this too. Different gender but we are all human.
Damn right, Frank! Glad you agree. Yes, I tend to cater to gals in my descriptions but these are all universal. Thank you for your comment!!
This is spot on. I’m on the bright side of the most crushing breakup in my life thus far. If I hadn’t gone through the mental journey of feeling it all and then pushing myself not to isolate I’d be farther from the finish line. Yay self care and loving friends!
Keep going Caitlin!! Solidarity girl. You will be through this soon, have heart. Thank you for posting xoxo
This post couldn’t have found me on more fitting day. I was spending alone time with myself today and thinking, wow, this (situation) really really hurts. Being an adult is harder than I thought it’d be. It’s kind of easier to accept that, it just is part of life’s painting, and I guess this painting wouldn’t be much without shadows to see the depth.
I know what you mean Keren! Especially when you’re just really over feeling totally crappy. I usually just try and remember that nothing is permanent, no matter how permanent it feels sometimes, and all you can do is keep walking. Thank you for your posting xoox Sarah
This is just beautiful.
Much better than my advice which is: “There are apparently a few things that a bottle of rum won’t cure, I have never found any of them.”
LOL well said, PJ. Thank you for your comment!
Posts like this are what bring me back to hellogiggles. Dealing with pain is one piece of living authentically. It’s nice to come here and find girls writing about the reconciliation between momentary pain and the big, beautiful picture. Thanks for the thoughtful post, Sarah.
Thank you Katie !!!! This is my big smile from you : |____________|
hmmm…
i just felt great but the face of my love flashes sometimes. its just unbearable! i dont know how may days, months or years will take for me… its getting forever to forget eventhough knowing that he is getting married to someone else. i m just like going dumb when i remember him n his marriage with someone else. i feel so pain too when i see the fortune of that whoever girl she is… 
i wanna get out of it…
Man… that sounds really painful. I hear you. This is gonna sound weird but this piece of advice really helped me: No one has the power to make you feel anything. You are in control of you. I am wishing you luck and much positivity !! xoxo
I love this – definitely what I needed to hear after this week!
Thank you Amanda
If when I was sad I would found this post, I would learn more faster. Thanks =)
Thanks Cristina!