“I understand you have a new baby & I understand you have a Facebook account but it really doesn’t need to be…

“Everyone who owns a cat has held them up and sang The Lion King song at least once.”-@Starrlett17

“Boobies are the best jewelry. And like jewelry, I wish I had more.”- @AshleyTron

“Giving special thanks to Will Smith, Randy Quaid and the rest of the patriots who made today possible.” – @JonahHill

“Serious question: are there people who just set one alarm and then get up right away?” -@ellecordes

“If realizing your dress has pockets isn’t true happiness I am f**ked.”-@Molls

“Did the Bible ever mention a plague of bootcut jeans? Cause that sh*t may be upon us.”-@MarissaARoss

“I feel like jumping on my desk and dancing to ‘Modern Love’.  I won’t because I’m a lazyass and that would require…