“I’m sad because I can’t twerk and I’ll probably never learn that skill.”- @Juli_Animal

“I’m wearing gold pants today. My butt looks like the Oscar’s statue. I’d like to thank the Academy.”-@MelissaMKraemer

“You know you’re on a diet when you wake up having dreamt of bread.” -@AGraynor

“When I go running I pretend my mom is chasing me with questions about my day.”-@oprahluver

“Coffee cups should put a picture of Ryan Gosling on the sleeve, it will immediately indicate how hot it is.”-@Ext_CassieBrown

“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a purse, asking “WHERE ARE MY HOUSE KEYS?””-@JennaWant

“There’s an approximate 15 minute delay between saying “I’m on my way” & actually being on your way.” -@AnneeBananee

“‘Emily, you’ve done nothing all day’ yes mother, its called being hungover.” -@Em_Hopkinsx