A Darker Shade Of Pink Oolong-long Stephanie Sparer

photo courtesy Janice Waltzer

It’s really hard to avoid somebody you went to high school with when you’re the only two people in the store. I found this out the hard way when I went to my 24-hour grocer the other night.

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I love grocery shopping. If there’s another thing you should know about me, it’s that I like Paris Hilton’s music. Like, I bought it and it’s on my iPod.

Judge not lest ye be judged by Simon Cowell.

Anyway, 2AM is typically when I like to go grocery shopping. I don’t sleep as much as I should and the bags under my eyes will attest. If I have an excuse to go to the grocery store I totally will. That particular night I was jonesin’ for some watermelon and I was out of tea so off I went.

Oh, and for the record, my grocery store has a really well lit parking lot and I always have a security guard walk me to my car- safety first ladies!

I guess what I love about shopping late is that I am typically the only person in the store which is great if you like to sing along to classic hits such as Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time” and Mariah Carey’s “Butterfly” like I do. I stopped singing when I got to the coffee/tea/cookie aisle though, and saw …Whatsherface.

I’m pretty sure she was in my Freshman English class in high school? Her name was like, Morgan? Or Ashley? And she looked pretty much the same except that mole on her face was gone and now she had a nose ring and boobs. She smiled at me and I smiled back and together we looked at the tea. It was just like that one time we were partners in English class looking for dangling modifiers in sentences on a worksheet.

It was just as awkward as you think it might be. There’s that whole moment where you wonder, okay, do I acknowledge that we know each other? Then after that do we hug, or do we not hug? Because we were never that close but now we’re out of school and should we pretend that we want to hang out even though we both know we’ll never call? I mean, she looks like she’s into the whole vegan thing and I’m more into Lincoln (Abe) and then I’d have to wave to her again if we passed each other in another aisle even though I just said hi and that’s always weird because then she wants to know if I’m stalking her. Then everyone thinks I’m a lesbian again like sophomore year when Rachel Cruz spread that rumor. It’s just too much work.

See, that’s why I try to avoid this sort of situation by going to the grocery store at two in the morning.

I pretended instead that I’m cool and collected and not neurotic as I silently picked up some Earl Grey and she, some vegan gluten free non-dairy organic something Oolong and we parted ways before I got the chance to tell her Rachel Cruz was lying, but if I was a lesbian, I’d be like Portia de Rossi. Seriously, that woman is crazy gorgeous.

Featured image courtesy of Janice Waltzer

Stephanie Sparer has a blog and a twitter where she actively offers commentary on her every day life. She has appeared in many films, including “Stephanie’s First Birthday,” and “Stephanie’s Ballet Recital ’91.” She only just found out who Justin Bieber is.

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. Nicely done my friend

  2. Stackable boxes really are a must when moving house, irrespective of self-drive van hire or removal company lorry. Sturdy green, recyclable boxes that may be reused repeatedly are the most useful option for frequent house moves as well as for long term storage – regardless of where the home move happens. There is nothing more frustrating than having to reload many times, since the awkward manner in which situations are packed prevent a completely loaded van making one tour and something tour only.

  3. So selfish. I distaste when people make such loud remarks.

  4. Fantastic website. Plenty of helpful information here. I was looking for this.Thanks for sharing!

  5. Excellent post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I am impressed! Very helpful information specially the ultimate section :) I deal with such info a lot. I used to be looking for this certain info for a very lengthy time. Thanks and best of luck. product reviews

  6. I do accept as true with all the ideas you’ve offered for your post. They are very convincing and can certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are very quick for novices. Could you please extend them a little from subsequent time? Thanks for the post.

  7. I desired by way of thanking you for this particular fine sentences .I really unquestionably enjoyed all dose of it all. I do have people book-marked your web blog to percieve the fashionable things write.

  8. Finding the village barn may not have been much of a challenge for my German removal firm, but carting my awkwardly shaped belongings up the narrow staircase in the barn certainly was! For long term storage it is important to take up very little space as you possibly can by stacking items upwards and also to keep belonging safe and dry. The next time I shall certainly invest in green, recyclable boxes when moving house again.

  9. Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thank you Nonetheless I am experiencing challenge with ur rss . Don’t know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody getting similar rss downside? Anyone who is aware of kindly respond. Thnkx

  10. Have you ever thought about writing an ebook or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog centered on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my readers would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.

  11. Oh, I have a similar funny story. I went to the optometrist(who was a super hot doctor) for an exam that included having my eyes dilated, well it wasn’t particularly sunny in MI that day, so I left the office with plastic disposable shades and a prescription. Now these were maybe the ugliest glasses I’ve ever worn and I had to wear them outside at least until I got home to my regular shades. Of course, I need the eye drops from the pharmacy, so I stop at on the way home and, who walks in, the first boy I kissed in 7th grade. I am in college at this point and mortified to have this type of run-in. I hope he remembers me for my bitching 7th grade kissing skills and not those horrible glasses.

  12. Oh gosh I have soo been there. You seem like you handled it well. I always find myself saying something insanely awkward and then over-analyzing the entire thing. Loved this!

  13. I hate running into people from high school; it’s so awkward! If I see them first I usually try to avoid letting them see me. And if they do see me, I try to just smile politely and move on unless they speak to me and then I have to answer!

  14. totally have been there. funny how people you used to know but were never friends with like to pretend like they give a crap what you’ve been up to in the last 5+ years. awkward.

HelloGiggles Podcast