One Week Diet Diaries

One Week Diet Diaries: Fork It, I'll Eat Every Dinner With A Fork

A few weeks ago, some people over at HG headquarters came up with the idea to test out a bunch of ridiculous fad diets and then write about them. A number of writers, like HG editor Jennifer Still who attempted the baby food diet and lived, tackled some of the more outrageous trends that have been going around, but because I have disgustingly picky eating habits to begin with, I opted for a diet that doesn’t constrict my food choices or initiate any fainting spells: the Fork It Diet.

In its simplest form, the Fork It Diet has one rule: eat whatever you like for breakfast and lunch but when it comes to dinner, you may only eat what can naturally be consumed with a fork. The key word here is “naturally” because while you can probably eat pizza with a fork if you try hard enough, it wasn’t made for that utensil. The diet can also have other restrictions if you go into the knitty-gritty details (i.e. lower your calorie intake by 200-400 calories, have a large breakfast but slightly smaller lunch, cut back on alcohol, etc.) but for the most part, this is one of the easier fad diets to follow.

Or so I thought.

Day 1:

I woke up on Memorial Day feeling energized and ready to take on this project. (Okay, that’s a lie. I never wake up energized on a Monday, or any day for that matter, and I forgot about the diet until my phone reminded me halfway through the day. Phew! Glad I got that off my chest. Thanks for listening.) My meals throughout the day consisted of barbeque foods and snacks, including s’mores cooked over a propane fire, which, despite trying to convince myself they were tasty, were actually not the best idea. They did make me wonder, though: was I allowed to eat other foods after 6pm without forks as long as they were not my dinner? I double-checked the rules after eating a marshmallow (and then three more) and as it turns out, un-forkable snacks are not allowed. I promised myself I would be better the next day, ate a bowl of pasta for dinner and moved on.

Pasta

You’re judging me for my plain pasta. Cut it out.

Day 2:

At 6:30 AM, I was already running short on time. I grabbed my coupon for a free medium iced coffee (if I’ve done anything right in my life, it was listing my birthday on my Dunkin’ Donuts account so I could get free stuff to compensate for my growing pains) and skipped out the door to head into work. On any other day, I might have woken up a bit earlier to make the recommended large breakfast but 6 AM at the start of summer is already hard enough for me so instead, I ordered a bagel on the way and saved myself the trouble. At lunchtime, the office decided to order food from Five Guys and because it is a sin to refuse free meals, I splurged on a grilled cheese and fries. According to the Fork It regulations, this is completely okay, so I congratulated myself on choosing such a great diet and ate. For dinner, I opted for a tofu-couscous concoction doused with spices until it tasted like chicken. Another day down, another fork-friendly meal completed.

Day 3:

I attempted to make hard-boiled eggs for breakfast and they decided to float on the water instead of sink, thus creating a half-cooked, barely edible, rubbery meal. As I dumped the egg scraps in the trash, I vowed to switch egg providers and fire every chicken that helped produce my defective breakfast. For lunch, I had a peanut butter sandwich and pretzels with hommus on the side and for dinner, chicken and rice.

Day 4:

Did I mention I’ve been sick this whole time? No? Well I probably didn’t tell you because it wasn’t relevant until right now and could possibly be the only acceptable justification for believing I could eat chicken noodle soup with a fork, which is what I tried to do for dinner tonight. Sure, soup isn’t traditionally eaten with a fork but that doesn’t mean it’s not naturally eaten right? I mean, it really depends on your definition of natural, if you ask me. What if I ate it outside? Or with a fork that I hand-crafted out of wood from my backyard? That’s natural in it’s own way. Technically, that counts, right? No? Shut up.

Day 5:

Who came up with this diet? I’d like to see their list of foods because at this point, my options seemed nonexistent. I can’t eat soup. I can’t eat marshmallows. I might as well not eat anything. Seriously. Pasta? Tofu that tastes like chicken? Actual chicken? This could’ve been my laziness talking but I began to think there wasn’t anything else I could cook that would satisfy the requirements. I could eat pasta again but that seemed unhealthy. I decided to think on it.

Day 5 (later on):

What if I ate a fork? Then everything I ate after that would just automatically count because I already got the fork part out of the way.

Day 5 (later on again):

You can’t eat forks. It doesn’t technically say it in the rules but I think it was implied, so on this day, I gave up.

Conclusion:

The Fork-It Diet is pretty easy for people who have time for a large breakfast and lunch and who are more creative with their dinner choices. Like any diet, it requires dedication to the cause, which also includes a determination to not stab your eyes out with forks by the end. However, I did think it was a creative way to approach dieting and in the future, I might suggest experimenting with other utensils under the same idea. An all spoon diet, for example, or an all knife diet, if you’re really looking for a challenge.

Image via Shutterstock. More information on the Fork-It Diet here

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=747889513 Colleen Kelly

    I tried the Fork It Diet, too, and ran into similar issues. Subway is usually my go-to quickie dinner, but when that option became a dead zone, I panicked. I’m not proud, but by week two (my final week before I cracked) I was impaling my Buffalo Chicken on toasted Honey Oat with my fork and eating it like an oversized kabob. I feel no shame.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504409549 Stephanie Amadeus

    While this article was fairly entertaining, it doesn’t really give me any insight into a diet with the several off-topic asides and the fact that the author didn’t take any initiative or planning to actually stick to the diet! But…yes, it was an entertaining read, lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003834384455 Anne Muth

    When eggs float doesn’t that mean they’ve gone off?

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