A few weeks ago, some people over at HG headquarters came up with the idea to test out a bunch of ridiculous fad diets and then write about them. A number of writers, like HG editor Jennifer Still who attempted the baby food diet and lived, tackled some of the more outrageous trends that have been going around, but because I have disgustingly picky eating habits to begin with, I opted for a diet that doesn’t constrict my food choices or initiate any fainting spells: the Fork It Diet.
In its simplest form, the Fork It Diet has one rule: eat whatever you like for breakfast and lunch but when it comes to dinner, you may only eat what can naturally be consumed with a fork. The key word here is “naturally” because while you can probably eat pizza with a fork if you try hard enough, it wasn’t made for that utensil. The diet can also have other restrictions if you go into the knitty-gritty details (i.e. lower your calorie intake by 200-400 calories, have a large breakfast but slightly smaller lunch, cut back on alcohol, etc.) but for the most part, this is one of the easier fad diets to follow.
Or so I thought.
I woke up on Memorial Day feeling energized and ready to take on this project. (Okay, that’s a lie. I never wake up energized on a Monday, or any day for that matter, and I forgot about the diet until my phone reminded me halfway through the day. Phew! Glad I got that off my chest. Thanks for listening.) My meals throughout the day consisted of barbeque foods and snacks, including s’mores cooked over a propane fire, which, despite trying to convince myself they were tasty, were actually not the best idea. They did make me wonder, though: was I allowed to eat other foods after 6pm without forks as long as they were not my dinner? I double-checked the rules after eating a marshmallow (and then three more) and as it turns out, un-forkable snacks are not allowed. I promised myself I would be better the next day, ate a bowl of pasta for dinner and moved on.
At 6:30 AM, I was already running short on time. I grabbed my coupon for a free medium iced coffee (if I’ve done anything right in my life, it was listing my birthday on my Dunkin’ Donuts account so I could get free stuff to compensate for my growing pains) and skipped out the door to head into work. On any other day, I might have woken up a bit earlier to make the recommended large breakfast but 6 AM at the start of summer is already hard enough for me so instead, I ordered a bagel on the way and saved myself the trouble. At lunchtime, the office decided to order food from Five Guys and because it is a sin to refuse free meals, I splurged on a grilled cheese and fries. According to the Fork It regulations, this is completely okay, so I congratulated myself on choosing such a great diet and ate. For dinner, I opted for a tofu-couscous concoction doused with spices until it tasted like chicken. Another day down, another fork-friendly meal completed.
I attempted to make hard-boiled eggs for breakfast and they decided to float on the water instead of sink, thus creating a half-cooked, barely edible, rubbery meal. As I dumped the egg scraps in the trash, I vowed to switch egg providers and fire every chicken that helped produce my defective breakfast. For lunch, I had a peanut butter sandwich and pretzels with hommus on the side and for dinner, chicken and rice.
Did I mention I’ve been sick this whole time? No? Well I probably didn’t tell you because it wasn’t relevant until right now and could possibly be the only acceptable justification for believing I could eat chicken noodle soup with a fork, which is what I tried to do for dinner tonight. Sure, soup isn’t traditionally eaten with a fork but that doesn’t mean it’s not naturally eaten right? I mean, it really depends on your definition of natural, if you ask me. What if I ate it outside? Or with a fork that I hand-crafted out of wood from my backyard? That’s natural in it’s own way. Technically, that counts, right? No? Shut up.
Who came up with this diet? I’d like to see their list of foods because at this point, my options seemed nonexistent. I can’t eat soup. I can’t eat marshmallows. I might as well not eat anything. Seriously. Pasta? Tofu that tastes like chicken? Actual chicken? This could’ve been my laziness talking but I began to think there wasn’t anything else I could cook that would satisfy the requirements. I could eat pasta again but that seemed unhealthy. I decided to think on it.
Day 5 (later on):
What if I ate a fork? Then everything I ate after that would just automatically count because I already got the fork part out of the way.
Day 5 (later on again):
You can’t eat forks. It doesn’t technically say it in the rules but I think it was implied, so on this day, I gave up.
The Fork-It Diet is pretty easy for people who have time for a large breakfast and lunch and who are more creative with their dinner choices. Like any diet, it requires dedication to the cause, which also includes a determination to not stab your eyes out with forks by the end. However, I did think it was a creative way to approach dieting and in the future, I might suggest experimenting with other utensils under the same idea. An all spoon diet, for example, or an all knife diet, if you’re really looking for a challenge.
Image via Shutterstock. More information on the Fork-It Diet here.