Dissecting the Modern American MaleOn Sexual TensionYoav Fisher

Let’s talk about sexual tension for a minute.  We have all experienced it at some point in our lives, and we all know what it feels like.  Those incessant thoughts of “what if”.  Those nagging questions of “does he/she feel something too?”  The constant worry about ramifications.

But sexual tension is oh so much fun.  The flirting, the seductive glances, the build up.  The chemistry is just palpable, sparks flying everywhere, right there in front of you ready for the taking!

It’s also addictive.

It keeps people who don’t really want to commit to each other wrapped in a cycle of “friends with benefits”.  It keeps tempting you long after you have moved on to other relationships.  It keeps you wanting more.  And if it doesn’t reach some form of closure, it will always be there, tugging at your sleeve.

For guys, sexual tension reaches a point of closure at the exact moment when the guy feels there is a guaranteed repetition of intimacy.  This is because sexual tension is a mixture between the thrill of possibly hooking up and the risk of not.  The second the guy realizes that there is no more risk, then the thrill immediately dissipates and there is no more sexual tension.

I bring this up not to be depressing, but to illustrate a point: if you are trying to create a deeper relationship with a guy, you can’t rely only on chemistry or on sexual tension because it disappears fairly early on.  You need a more concrete foundation to build upon.

I also bring this up because I think all the “Women’s Interest” magazines out there are giving women the wrong advice about this.  Go to any website and look at the “sex and relationship” section; all of the articles are about spicing up your relationship or your marriage.  At the core of it, these magazines advocate maintaining sexual tension, which is admirable, but they also gloss over all the other aspects that are needed to maintain a relationship.

My point is this, chemistry is great, but you can’t rely on it alone.  If you want to rock some Fredrick’s of Hollywood to perk up your man, then by all means go for it, but don’t let sexual tension be a substitute for other important aspects in a relationship, because sexual tension ultimately dissolves, and all you are left with is the art of conversation.  So spend some time looking for someone who is intellectually stimulating as well as physically stimulating.

Kirk and Spock image via Ecosphere; Card via Someecards

comments

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  1. If you have sexual tension with someone and go for it, but if” there is a guaranteed repetition of intimacy” the guy is probably not wanting a second round even if the sex was really good?

  2. preach

  3. This is such an important point about relationships, and I don’t think it has ever gotten enough attention! And it doesn’t help that a large amount of relationships in movies, television shows, etc. never go beyond the sexual tension phase. Great piece.

  4. Yoav, all of your articles are reaching me at just the right time. Thanks for all the advice. :-)

  5. totally agree!! :D

  6. Dang. Only one comment? This was one of my favorites today!

  7. “sexual tension ultimately dissolves, and all you are left with is the art of conversation. So spend some time looking for someone who is intellectually stimulating as well as physically stimulating.”

    Wise words. MY NEW GUIDE TO LIFE from this instant!! Thank you Yoav :)