It’s a strange thing, to be visibly tattooed in a world that isn’t. Looking back, I never would have imagined myself as a tattooed person. Even in high school I found tattoos to be shocking and something so far from what I imagined for myself, although I’d always been intrigued and in admiration of those who chose to do so. But life changed and my interests shifted. I found myself getting more into music and gaining a look at the bigger picture of my life and how I lived it. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with the idea of putting pretty things permanently on my body and now, ten years later, I find myself with quite an assortment of colorful pieces. Some of them have meanings, some don’t, but they all tell the story of this life I’m living.
I thought about it at great length before I took the plunge and tattooed my back, ribs, chest, arms and later my legs (you can read about all of my tattoos over on my blog). I’m an over-thinker by nature, so I waited until I was 21 to get my first. I knew the kind of reactions I would get from strangers; I knew that some people just wouldn’t get it and would judge me right off the bat solely based on my appearance. That was a given. There seemed to be an imaginary line of “too many”, at least where I’m from, and if you crossed that line, it confused people. Why on earth would you do that? What are you going to do when you’re 80? Small tattoos – back tattoos, ankles, maybe even a cute saying on your wrist – all “normal” in the eyes of my peers and most older folk. But go beyond that and you entered the world of deviant, a place of “out there”, a strange anomaly among normalcy.
I’ll never forget a trip I took to Disneyland with a group of friends, many years before I had any visible tattoos. One of my friends who joined us was covered in artwork from head to toe – even his throat and hands were tattooed and everywhere we went in the park, people stopped and stared. That afternoon, I watched mothers pull their children closer to them in line, saw people shaking their head at him in disgust and even witnessed a woman tell him how horrible he was to do that to his body. It was 2003 and I was 21. I’ll never forget how that made me feel, even though my friend Chris just smiled politely at them and acted like he wasn’t phased.
It phased me, though, and I couldn’t believe people could be so rude and beyond that, hurtful and cruel. It disgusted me. I thought about that trip often and when I decided to tattoo my body in places that were much more visible, I kept that day in mind.
The most surprising thing about being heavily tattooed is how it affects my day to day. My family and I live in a very small, pretty conservative town and often there are times I just want to hide. Most of the time, I don’t feel like making small talk (oh my, you’re quite a colorful young lady), getting looks (either positive and negative) or answering questions (did that hurt? how much did that cost? can I see them all?). I just want to do my thing hassle-free – shop, hang out, etc., so I dress accordingly.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ve developed a tougher skin somewhere along the line; I think you have to when you have people making comments about your appearance or invading your personal space on the regular. It doesn’t bother me much these days, although that’s not to say my feelings don’t get hurt now and again. I can be sensitive, which probably isn’t the best personality type to have when you go against the grain, but over the years I’ve developed a light-hearted attitude towards it all and now most negative remarks slide right past me.
At the base of it, though, I’ve come to a point where I think of my tattoos as doing a favor for me. They’ve become almost a filter in a way. They keep me real and when it comes down to it, it allows me to see other people for who they are too. I will never understand how something on my body as simple as two roses over my shoulders could offend anyone to the point of needing or wanting to make a rude comment, but that’s the difference between them and me, I suppose. In my world, life is too short to involve myself with anyone who doesn’t have a loving, accepting heart and if my tattoos bother you to the point of sticking your nose up in the air at me, then I’d prefer if you just keep on walking by. As I see it, I didn’t want to know you anyway.
On the other hand though, there’s a part of me that needs to work on overcoming my own judgment of people. Because I’ve experienced some of the rudest stares and remarks, I’ve begun to expect it from all people. If I’m at the store and notice a woman staring at my arm, my first reaction is to stare right back, maybe even give her a “what?!” kind of look. I think over the years I developed a chip on my shoulder, which isn’t a good thing. I’m aware of it now, but for awhile I would forget that more often than not people are simply curious, or maybe they like what they see. In a way my preemptive attitude towards all of the un-tattooed people of the world is just as rude. I’m judging them for possibly judging me, making an assumption that may or may not even be true.
In the end, my motto of “live and let live” is in practice all of the time. Many people won’t get why I have chosen to decorate my skin with pictures, words and beautiful colors but the older I get, the less I care. That’s on them and we are all entitled to our own opinion. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t loved how I look, but there have been days where I’ve been in situations where I’ve felt beyond irritated at peoples’ reactions.
What it comes down to though is that it’s my choice to let anyone’s negativity affect me. And this can be applied to any aspect of life. You can’t please ‘em all and if it’s not one thing, it will always be another. No matter what choice you make there will always be someone out there who disapproves. You just have to focus on what makes you happy and let all of the naysayers fall to the side. I’m grateful that my tattoos have helped me learned this huge life lesson. So I just do my thing and secretly smile to myself every time someone asks me what I’ll do when I’m 80 years old. Because really, don’t they know that we’re all going to be wrinkly and old? And at least my wrinkles will be colorful.
Awesome article, I loved it! I too (as many here) have a few tattoos (4) and plan to get more
I really appreciate that you took the time to write about this, it makes me feel a lot better about my desire to continue adding on pieces; I sometimes second guess myself because of people’s reactions and opinions. For some reason, and since I was about 15, I wanted to get tattooed but didn’t (had some really good reasons), but thats changing now… and yes, wrinkles covered with beautiful art pieces will look a lot better than just plain old boring ones
Rock on, girl! I love tattoos even though I don’t have any (yet). Like you, I over think it. But it’s your body and no one can tell you what is and is not beautiful. And in the end, beauty is not about the exterior, is it?
When I look at at tattoo on someone I’m admiring art, just as I would if it were hanging on a wall. I’ve been wanting a tattoo for years and I can tell you the only reason why I haven’t is not because I’m afraid of how I’ll be looked at or how I’ll feel when I’m 80, but that I’m a complete commitment-phobe (hence the complete lack of commitment in all aspects of my life). When I look at your lovely tattoos, I’m secretly jealous that someone can be so comfortable in their own skin and commit to what is beautiful and important to them.
I loved this article! I have three tattoos right now, many more planned. All of my current tattoos are covered in the winter (hip,ankle, and back) yet in the summer they are very visible. My back tattoo is an eye and I get a lot of hurtful comments on it. Sometimes its hard to not scream at people “its my body, leave me alone!” Thank you for writing this and showing people its not always easy for us inked girls and boys, but we love our art just the same.
I think I get it more from my family than strangers.
I had my grandfather tell me he wished he could cover up my half sleeve with white paint, on my wedding day! I just smiled and told him that it wouldn’t match my dress.
I couldn’t possibly agree more!! When I got my first tattoo @ 18 (a large tribal piece that goes across the top of my back, between my shoulder blades) I was so proud & wore anything that would show it off. And this after my father would tell me if I ever got ink he would cut it out of my skin my whole childhood. I got those same looks & what was worse was the comments from my family “why would you do that?” and so on … I was 18 and stubborn and didnt really care. I have since added more, not as many as you have but that is my goal :0) and over the years they comment less … my Dad actually found something meaningful enough in his life to get a tattoo too … and I kindly reminded him of his childhood threat to me … his response “that was before he understood” …. thank you for the article, very inspiring!!
I find that people are more “grabby” with me. Like, they’ll totally grab me by my arm to get a closer look at my tattoos. I wouldn’t go up to someone and just grab them to get a closer look on something on their body….I waited until I was 21, also, before I got my first tattoo, I’m almost 35 and I’m still getting them, even though the first little wrinkles are starting to appear…this is me. I am colorful.
perfect, perfect post danielle. i love this.
I’m not for or against tattoos, but I sort of feel like having visible tattoos really isn’t that big of a deal anymore. It’s the end of 2011. I almost feel like it’s more common for someone 21-35 right now to have a tattoo, than not to. This article was not enlightening.
Brittney, I can definitely see what you’re saying, but small conservative towns are a completely different ballpark. I live in a similar town, and my mom has a total of seven tattoos, 4 of which are on each shoulder and on each side of her chest. Bible belt-ers like to judge my mom for tattoos that are special to her (well, at least two of them: one is me and my sister as angels and another is a butterfly made out of a J [for her boyfriend's name] and an L and S in the halves of the wing for my sister and I, respectively) and have a special place to her. My mom has definitely had to adopt a similar attitude. The trend may be growing, but I feel that (in some areas) the people are not. I think that’s more of what Danielle was going for.
~Linda
Amazing article!! Thanks for writing this!! I am also a tattoed stay at home mom! I loved reading the comments from other tattoed females! It needed to be written. I hated how in the media that Kat Von D was spoken negatively about not because her boyfriend was a jerk but she was heavily tattoed…. As if that just implied she was of low morals… Many comments were made about her based on her tattoo’s.. I found that offensive because tattoos does not equal skank….. While no tattoos means sweet and innocent.
Interesting. I have no tattoos, but I have a brand of my husband’s initials on my thigh. I am a grandmother who nobody would imagine would have such a thing. I am fascinated by tattoos, so when I see them I stop and look, having already had the conversation in my head where I say “you wouldn’t have it if you didn’t want someone to look at it, would you?” So if you see a conservative looking grandmother staring at your tattoo at Wal-Mart, try assuming she is into S & M and jealous of your art.
I love this so much! I am not covered in tattoos, YET anyway, but the majority of my back is done and I have a phrase in French across my chest. This is enough to warrant dirty looks and/or annoying questions. So in a sense I can relate. You are incredibly cute, tattoos and all!
the gradients on both of your tattoos in the picture are amazing…kudos to the artists for their skill
I believe that a lot of tattoo judgement comes from some seriously misplaced projection people have of themselves. I think that whenever we attempt something that shows exactly how confident & comfortable be are in our ourselves it’s very easy for people to get upset, not know why they’re upset and just react in judgement- even though a lot of it comes from how under-confident they see themselves. Having short hair, tattoos, doing roller derby, not smoking, telling people you don’t like to gossip, wearing a pink dress on your wedding day, being different- these are all things that seem to easily threaten others who aren’t introspective enough to ask themselves why decorations on your body would offend them. I really like this article- I sent it to my Dad who still has an issue with my body art- he calls me the illustrated woman (not meant to be a compliment) – my Mom on the other hand now tells me how thrills she is that I’ve embraced me, while my parents were so bad at cultivating my individuality when I was young. She’s also incredibly open to herself about why she reacts to things, though. Thank you for this article- I agree whole-heartedly. xxo
Great article Danielle!
I really know what you mean about the “filter” that tattoos provide. As I see it, my tattoos are a commitment to counter-culture – in all its forms. I know that those who can’t handle an opinion, way of life or body that is different than their own are not the kind of people I want to invite into my world, like you said.
Also I think people too often dismiss the body – especially the female body – as something that serves only specific purposes (to seduce, to perform, to be medically treated…). They don’t see that the body can be a site of resistance, artistic expression or even empowerment. After all, our body WILL inevitably change in ways we could never foresee; our skin, hair, muscles, it’s all temporary. I see tattooing as a form of claiming and connecting to one’s body and living in the moment. We might as well have fun with it while we have it!
I’m 51 years of age, got my first tattoo in 1980 and I’m now heavily covered and working on more. My attitude is also “live and let live” and it does work. I don’t really notice when people stare (hubby does, he thinks it’s a riot!) and if they comment I have a long list of standard replies.
“What are you going to do when you’re 80?” Well, first off I hope to be alive and in my right mind, then secondly if I need a walker I want it to have pipes and flames. I’ll be the most popular chick in the nursing home
Keep up the good attitude, Danielle, you’re perfect!
I have my lip pierced, my tongue pierced, my ears stretched and I have 4 tattoos. Most people who know me would say I am the least intimidating person they have ever met, I’m not even physically big, and I’m always smiling, but I still have had problems with people judging me because of my body modifications. I have been walking down the street and had people do that paranoid thing where they cross to the other side (because a girl who’s 5’6 and 125 pounds is so going to beat you up). I worked in a bar and had men (and women as well a few times) say that I was “such a pretty girl, why would you do that to” myself. But, I also get lots of people who want to ask me about my tattoos, and i find these people are generally innocently intrigued by my tattoos and really just curious. Generally I find that the things people say about my tattoos are becoming increasingly more curious, interested, or complementary rather than harsh or mean. I think that people are beginning to look at tattoos in a much more positive way. I remember even as a child seeing a person who was heavily tattooed was rare, and tattoos were mostly quite frowned upon, especially for professionals. That’ s now all changing however, as many businesses that would not have previously allowed visibly tattooed employees to work for them are relaxing their rules (although not all of them, I recently had a job interview with a very narrow minded company, but we wont discuss that). My mom, who owns her own business as a Human Resources Consultant even has employees with multiple tattoos working for her, and this is in a professional office. Almost everyone I know is tattooed, although not necessarily heavily, and this is a huge change from 15 or 20 years ago. Though I have definitely learned to live with the assumptions that, less open minded, people draw about me from my tattoos, the negative feedback I get about them is becoming less and less, and that’s just since I got my first tattoo 4 years ago. Things are changing and quickly, so much so that my mother, who is 60, is even considering getting a tattoo. Now that’s what I call progress. It still hurts when I’m judged for my tattoos, but I prefer not to associate with anyone who is narrow minded enough to judge me solely on my appearance. Why should i care what they think, they don’t really know me anyway.
Op! (“spots” of phx)…
Your tats are GORGEOUS! So superficially, the great thing is you’ve got beautiful artwork, youth & pop culture to enjoy. In many sports of phx, it’s almost as if tattoo-less peeps are against the grain. When people bring up the age thing I can’t believe it…with all the 18-year-olds rushing to get their sleeves, by the time we’re old, people won’t ‘wonder’ anymore. Numerous elderly of our generation will have gauged ears and ink. The norm. Individuality cred will have to come from within: because perhaps we’ll become so unimpressed & think we’ve seen it all by that point. We’ll have to enjoy each other, as painted or not, hopefully with age & wisdom – it will be irrelevant.
Thank you for sharing this. I have two tattoos, just smalls ones on my shoulder and wrist. It bothers me when people think they have the right to grab my wrist or rub their fingers against my shoulder. because I have them visible isn’t the same as an invitation to touch me. I also get a lot of comments about why I would get them, it’s scripture and hebrew, the question usually is can’t you just remember it? To me it’s a daily reminder of what I strive for in life, it’s something that I find beautiful. I already have my next four tattoos planned, and I really want to expand my shoulder tattoo. The problem is that I plan to work at a conservative christian camp for the last time this summer, and large tattoos aren’t really allowed. it’s disappointing :/