Old Lady Movie Night

Old Lady Movie Night: "The Virgin Suicides"

Do you know when you finally watch something that everyone’s been obsessed with for years already, and you a) love it, but b) feel like an absolute idiot for waiting so long to watch whatever it is/was/why don’t I understand how tenses work?

Well, yes. And obviously that happened with me and The Virgin Suicides because I like to make things difficult for both me and those I love. I only saw this movie about six years ago, which is, frankly, a disgrace. Thus, here we are today, mourning my ridiculousness for not writing about it sooner, BUT ISN’T THAT ALWAYS THE WAY. I mean, technically, isn’t that what happened with The Parent Trap and Girl, Interrupted too? (Yes.) And just wait until we finally make it to Richie Rich — because you don’t even KNOW regret until I type-weep about taking over a year and a half to watch Macaulay Culkin rule the cinema.

So let’s do this. First, let’s all promise to listen to the soundtrack for days on end after we’re done talking about what a good movie this is, and also, to never ground our children indefinitely over a school dance.

1. But seriously, and I know I said this when we watched Girl, Interrupted but if you need help, get help

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I’m being that naggy babysitter/aunt/mom-person, but look. We watch movies about depression and mental disorders and in this case actual suicide, so the condition upon writing about them is that I am absolutely going to extend the “if you need to talk,” talk. Seriously. You can even talk to me! Or a person you know and trust. Just don’t sit on self-destructive thoughts and hope they’ll go away because they tend to do the opposite. But I promise if you talk about it, things get better. And I know you know that, but if I don’t tell you, I will feel like the worst Old Lady on earth. So word to the wise: the hardest part about getting help is saying you need help. And again, I know you know that, but I am telling you anyway.

2. Meanwhile, the soundtrack to this movie is perfect, and it also looks beautiful

Two things! We’ve got lots of Air making music, and we’ve got Sofia Coppola knowing how to make LOVELY GORGEOUS MOVING PICTURES. I mean, my god. Am I right? Do you not want to just photograph this movie and put it in a frame? Absolutely you do. We all do! IT’S JUST FILMED SO MAJESTICALLY.

3. Ugh, but this is so indicative of the way neighbours/other people gossip


Though I will say that there is someone from high school moving in next door to me, and I am TERRIFIED because I just don’t want anyone I know up in my grill. Even though my life is writing and/or going to see friends, it’s just TOO CLOSE. I should just copy and paste the above sentiment and tape it to the mailbox juuuuust in case. Or just a picture of Salt-n-Pepa.

4. Kathleen Turner, I love you, but you will always be Chandler’s dad

Just always. And that’s a compliment because Chandler’s dad was the greatest dad this side of the TV. (Or is it that side of the TV?) EITHER WAY. Gold and triumph. Also, the best voice in town coupled with WHAT AN ACTRESS. Though in this movie, I would really love to help her hair. (But I’m sure she knows that because she is an actress and this is a movie and she was in costume, and also when this movie came out I was 13 and I legitimately kind of looked like Leonardo DiCaprio.) (My eyebrows. It was just… there was just a lot going on.)

5. And remember how awkward Peter is?

Though obviously even though I was (calculates age) 21 when I saw this movie for the first time, I could still appreciate the babe factor that is Peter. HOWEVER, let’s have a moment to talk about how awkward this dinner is!

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