Old Lady Movie Night
Old-Lady Movie Night: ‘Center Stage’
by Anne T. Donahue
Well let’s be honest, friends. Last week’s stroll through memory lane was one for the books, but I think it’s about time we all admitted what we used to be/love/want to be represented by: awful(ly wonderful) coming-of-age dance films.
And no, I don’t mean Fame. I don’t mean Footloose and I don’t mean the other Fame from 1981. I mean Center Stage – the movie that made us all believe that in only five seconds time, we could transform from one ballet costume to another with an intricate French braid hairstyle thrown into the mix. The movie that made us download songs by Mandy Moore and dream of the day we would finally make the cut at the competitive dance school we all attended. (I didn’t. I attended a regular school. I can’t even touch my toes.)
Because you know what? It’s okay. Unlike the other movies that we could arguably say were the most iconic films of our x and/or y and/or w (?) generation(s), Center Stage was not. But we saw it – oh, we saw it. And we saw it so much that we still may IMDB its stars to see where they’re at or if maybe they’re going to do ballet somewhere close to where we live.
It’s time to be honest, guys. With each other and with ourselves. We all just want to dance.
1) Why would Jody Sawyer be accepted if she was really that bad?
So despite the film opening with the first notes of Jamiroquai’s ‘Comic Girl’, according to the judges and to the teachers, Jody Sawyer is probably the worst dancer in North America. Maybe even the world. So here is the one million dollar question: WHY WAS SHE ACCEPTED? Remember this little conversation?
Parents: “Do you know how many they take?”
Miscellaneous woman: “Usually no more than 12.”
Parents: “Out of this whole class?”
Miscellaneous woman: “Out of the whole planet.”
First of all, RUDE, miscellaneous woman. Second of all, so they accepted somebody with terrible form because “she had spirit”? Are you serious right now? Does that mean I can apply and get into law school because I failed the LSATs “like I meant it”? I don’t buy it, American Ballet Company/Center Stage. You are a liar from the very first line. FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE.
God, I love you.
2) Cooper Neilson is 46, right?
Is he? Also, could he be creepier and more arrogant? (No.) We’re going to touch on this more (DON’T WORRY), but remember when he leans over and KISSES KATHLEEN DONAHUE’S NECK? And she’s like, talking to some stranger? And the stranger is probably, like, “WHAT.” Oh my goodness, I would snap. We all would snap! There would be a giant snapping sound and you know who that would be? ALL OF US.
3) Eva is unnecessarily mean to everyone
So Maureen asks Eva to stop smoking in her bedroom (FAIR), and Eva takes it like Maureen just said, “You and your ugly-ass lime polo shirt can take a hike back to Boston because New York would rather become that gas station in No Country For Old Men than have you here for even one more minute.” So Eva stares her down, and then sasses Eric and then let’s not forget that she is arguably the worst student in the history of the world. And you know why I say that? Because I was a student JUST LIKE HER. (And I was insufferable.)
4) SANDY COHEN!
I don’t even care what David Gallagher’s character’s name is in this movie. He will always be Sandy Cohen, and that is just the way it’s going to be. Also, his “welcome to class!” motivational speech is on par with the last time your parents told you they were disappointed in you after you sneaked out and ate all their chips or something.
5) This movie convinced us all we could be amazing ballet dancers
I say this because it’s a fact. Personally, I remember leaving the theatre trying to walk like I’d been a ballerina for years, and then seeing the movie about three more times so I could download that Red Hot Chilli Peppers song (FROM NAPSTER) and learn the full routine Jody does when she takes that illegal dance class downtown. Had I danced before? No. Was I even remotely coordinated? I fell down the stairs on the third day of grade nine. Did I become an award-winning ballet dancer? DID ANY OF US? (No, seriously – did any of you? I want to live vicariously through everything you’ve experienced, please.)
6) Kathleen Donahue is my grandmother’s name
She is not and never was a dancer. And that’s just a fact.
7) It’s not Maureen’s fault that she’s good
I mean, it’s not. It’s not! She’s really, really good at ballet. And fair! She works very, very hard and obviously has suffered psychological trauma as a result. So everyone hates her? UNCOOL, GUYS. And like, she tells the truth (to her MOM – not even to other girls at school) and that makes her mean. (HER MOM IS HER ONLY FRIEND.) But what she says is true! Jody Sawyer IS hopeless, and Eva’s attitude DOES stink. Like, shut up about Emily, Maureen. But other than that, she TRIES, you know? Let’s all agree to like Maureen, okay? Because it’s probably really hard to be a ballet dancer. Just look at what it did to Natalie Portman in Black Swan. (IT’S MAUREEN’S TURN.)
8 ) Was Eva forced into ballet school/ballet in general?
She obviously hates it! She hates dancing and she hates classes and she hates her teachers. Like, WHY ARE YOU THERE? Did somebody hold a gun to your head and say, “Eva Rodrigues, you are attending this fancy ballet school or you will never be cast in Star Trek about ten years from now?” Did they? I’m genuinely curious. Why not go to any other place in the entire world if you would rather eat poison than take instruction about ballet? You know, the artistic discipline that requires CONSISTENT INSTRUCTION. Maybe just learn square dancing or something. A jig. The spontaneous shimmy. Anything other than ballet, basically.
9) Again, why was Jody chosen?
So I’m at the scene where Sandy Cohen tells Jody that she should basically jump off a bridge than even think about ballet dancing, and I mean, she is OBVIOUSLY an atrocity to the world of dance, right? For the millionth time, WHY WAS SHE ACCEPTED? Did they feel bad? Did her parents bribe the judges? Was she dating one or all of them? We need to talk about Jody Sawyer. (Someone call Tilda Swinton.)
10) Maureen’s boyfriend is the loveliest
Jim Gordon, guys. That’s his name, right? Either way. WHAT A GEM. He just wants to date Maureen! He just wants to be a doctor and date Maureen and make her not sad anymore. Jim Gordon > Charlie. There. I said it. Let’s just be honest, you know?
11) As if people would laugh at Ilia Kulik tell them he was a ballet dancer
So this cute, sensitive-looking Russian guy comes up to you at the bar and he gently tells you that he’s a ballet dancer and you POINT AND LAUGH AT HIM. No. Nope. No you do not. You accept that answer and you ask him whether or not all instructors are like Vincent Cassel. Then you remember that to be a ballet dancer you need to be in enormously wonderful shape, and I’m not going to objectify anyone, but I am going to say that Ilia Kulik would probably be kind of a treat to look at even in that purple silk button-up he’s chosen to wear.
12) This salsa bar is illegally run, clearly
How old are they all supposed to be? If Cooper’s 46 and Jody just graduated high school, how in the highest heaven are they allowed to get hammered at this place? Isn’t the drinking age 21 over there (in the US)? Also, how is Eva buying her cigarettes? I’ll tell you that it makes her seem a lot less badass when you think of her asking grown-ups to buy her smokes because she can’t yet. Unless I have it all wrong. In Canada, you have to be 19 to either buy cigarettes or drink legally. And I still don’t think these guys are supposed to be either of those things. (Old enough OR Canadian.)
13) That weird elephant/mouse joke at the bowling alley doesn’t make any sense
Have you guys listened to that thing? It’s either the worst true story in the world or a joke on par with something you’d find written on a bathroom door by somebody who’s actually drunk when they’re writing it. Elephants and mice? Who are these people?
14) That soap/water fight makes me feel anxious
Because inevitably a teacher would’ve walked in on it and beaten them to death with either old ballet shoes or Cooper’s attitude problem.
15) “I’m threatened by no one.”
No you’re not, Sandy Cohen. NO YOU ARE NOT.
16) This illegal dance studio is happ-en-ING!
Look at everyone! They’re all air-kissing and schmoozing and making jokes about s-e-x. Sounds PRETTY illegally fun to me! They’re dancing to Mandy Moore, they’re learning some pretty, pretty, pretty sweet dance moves to “contemporary” music. This isn’t what dance is about! Dance is about BALLET and being SERIOUS. Forget about Broadway! Forget about all of it! That’s why this place is SO HIP. They didn’t forget about it. AND NEITHER HAVE I.
17) How did Jody Sawyer learn the Red Hot Chilli Peppers routine so quickly?
She watches it one time. ONE TIME. You know how many times I had to watch this movie in theatres and then buy the VHS and then rewind the part over and over because YouTube didn’t exist when this movie came out? I STILL don’t know the full routine because it requires flexibility and movement and I don’t have either of those things. And then she gets the front row spot? Who the hell does she think she is? These guys are all friends and have obviously been dancing together for ages, but NOPE. Jody Sawyer is number one, according to Jody Sawyer, tragic dancer. And then the class ends after the song ends, so that was clearly such a great investment of both time and finances.
18) Cooper Neilson = total creep
So they say four words to each other basically and he’s all “I couldn’t take my eyes off you”, and then he asks her to dinner, and then she says no, and then he asks her for dessert, and then he tells her to hop on his bike as Mandy Moore plays and he takes her to this loft and makes ZERO AMOUNT of conversation and hones in on the vulnerable girl. She is LITERALLY listing all of her insecurities! And then he’s all, “Jonathan’s a moron” and BOOM. BADA-BING. BOW-CHICA-BOW. Oh, and he gives her alcohol when she’s basically still an embryo.
Also, “I recognized your dancing before I recognized your face.” HOW? You saw her dance once! ONCE! Or have you been spying on her? That’s so weird and creepy and I hate it if that’s the case. And then they do it, and he gets up and leaves her and basically never speaks to her again even though she brings him a box of cookies in the most cringe-worthy scene in the history of every scene ever filmed. “For next time.” No, Jody. You are not LOST. YOU DON’T NEED TO GO BACK.
19) Emily is gorgeous, so shut up ABA
I know ballet dancers need to have a specific kind of body type, but you know what? I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT, EMILY.
20) Eric and Eva’s friendship is the coolest
You know those cool, older city people that you really wanted to be like when you were little and/or living in whatever suburban town you called home (also, now)? These were them! (Befriend me, Eric and Eva.)
21) Jody, you are not “seeing” Cooper Neilson
It’s really hard for me to watch any scene that involves both Jody and Cooper, but it’s even harder for me when she tells Charlie that she’s “seeing someone”, and that “someone” is Cooper Neilson and and it’s like “No, you’re not.” (I mean, he really did lead her on, and he is THE WORST, but they did not have “a talk” or anything so… RIGHT?) Also, could Charlie have asked Jody out in a worse way? They’re already friends, and then he asks her out like they literally just met on the boat and he’s taking a chance. Oh GOD, and then he watches how she loves dancing with Cooper before he tells her he’s totally not into it. No thank you, anyone (but specifically the writers and actors involved in making this).
21) b) OH GOD AND THEN SHE GOES TO SEE COOPER BE A DANCING SOLDIER
No. I cannot. I CANNOT. No, Jody. STOP IT. Quit. And how did she get backstage?! And why is Kathleen Donahue so mean?! Tell me I’m not alone in pulling my sweatshirt up above my face and hoping to erase the memory of this scene ever existing.
21) c) AND THEN SHE GETS MAD AT HIM IN CLASS
No. Please no. I want to get mad at him too, but I also don’t want to do it like this and I probably would’ve talked to him like an adult first. Like, maybe used a phone? Or just said “I’d like to talk to you about something”? Jody, WHY. Also, Cooper NO.
22) “Whatever you feel, just dance it.”
I need to know if this is actually a thing said at ballet schools. If it is, I am going to adopt it. If it is not, then it’s my new life mantra.
23) Maureen needs one million hugs
First, she admits that she hates her life’s ambition, and then her Mom doesn’t even understand. Did you hear me, world?! HER MOM DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT SHE HAS AN EATING DISORDER. “I am throwing up the food that I eat.” – “You watch your weight!” WHAT. Guys, no. At least she has Jim Gordon. And let’s also believe that she and Eva and Jody grew up to be the best friends ever.
24) There is no way Jody Sawyer could’ve gone through all those hair and makeup changes
Okay, we can all agree that the giant dance finale is one of the greatest dance moments since any of our favourite memories. But we must also all agree that there is now way that Jody Sawyer’s hair and makeup would’ve looked so perfect in a two-to-three minute time span. How did she get her makeup that way? How did they achieve the French braids? WHAT ABOUT THE OUTFITS? This is unfair because it made some of us believe that even if we only had a few minutes to catch the bus, we could still look anything other what we truly were: late and with bedhead.
25) There is no way Cooper could’ve gotten that motorcycle onstage
Well there are two very important points to be made here:
a) A motorcycle on stage? I DO NOT BUY IT. How big is that stage? How controlled is he on that bike? He weaving through people’s feet! People’s feet that are needed to maintain their careers? Have any of you seen that Mad Men with the riding lawnmower? I’ll just put that out there.
b) Despite the motorcycle, the hair, Cooper’s leather pants, the fact that Jody seems to change outfits in the middle of an actual choreographed move and the fact that this entire production would’ve likely cost millions of dollars (let me have this), it is the greatest piece of art I have ever laid my eyes upon.
PS. Imagine if after the entire speech Jody gives Sandy Cohen about not caring what anybody thinks, he’s like, “Oh, well we weren’t going to accept you anyway.” PSYCH, JODY SAWYER.
01.26.2012 |
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Ahhh, Eion Bailey. Love him!
I just want you to know that I love everything you write on here. I took ballet for years and, when this movie came out, my ballet friends and I totally dorked out over it. It’s definitely part of my antiquated VHS collection. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I found this article super amusing and it just makes me want to watch 90′s movies with you: the dialogue would be so awesome, it’s unreal.
Ha! Thank you! The next time you watch a ’90s movie and eat an extra large popcorn just layered in butter, know that I am there in spirit.
That may have actually just been the creepiest thing I’ve ever said. I’m so sorry.
Mmmm, not a Jody Sawyer fan, are you?
Loved this! And I also love how you look at things in movies that I also pay attention to, like those unrealistic details (the motorcycle on stage, the impossible wardrobe and make-up changes, etc.). Keep ‘em coming! Oh, and if you take requests, please do Reality Bites!
Oh, that one is TOTALLY on the list : )
Eva would have been able to buy cigarettes. 18 is the legal age in the US to buy tobacco, gamble at Indian casinos, and buy porn. 21 is the legal drinking age, so yes, that bar was running illegally. And I will chose Charlie over Jim any day. Have you seen the man’s eyes?! I could stare at them/him all day! my friend and I used to joke that we were going to go to San Francisco, where the dance company he’s actually in is located, and go to one of his shows.
I think I watch this movie at least once a year. It has the absolute worst acting. But ballet dancer’s are not known for their acting skills. Funny thing – the actress that played Jodi is the only one who is actually a dancer in real life – all of the scenes of Eva & Maureen dancing either only showed above the waist or played by stand in dancers.
The ballet world is a funky place and to be honest it wasn’t Jodi’s spirit – she didn’t have great technique but she could dance. Maureen had perfect technique but really wasn’t that interesting to watch. This is coming from a brokenhearted ballerina… I don’t know why those who hate dancing take up all the spots – they are very limited
Every time someone asks me what my favorite movie is I always say Center Stage I don’t know why I have a lot of favorite movies, but Center Stage always comes to mind first.
How about the awkwardness that must have occurred between Jody and her parents after the finale in which she and Cooper recapped their “dessert” night?? My father would have mowed Cooper over with the motorcycle.
“You’re nahhhht splahhhhhtchy.”
And to answer one of your questions in this fabulous article: yes. Yes, a motorcycle absolutely could fit on that stage. The entire Hell’s Angels fleet could fit on that stage. It’s oppressively huge.
You’re making me miss this movie. Spotifying the soundtrack at my desk right now.
Man! It must be Eion Bailey’s week! First he show’s up in “Let’s All Watch Dawson’s Creek” this week, plus he was on Sunday’s episode of “Once Upon A Time”, and now this!
Oh my goodness! This is one of my favorite things I’ve ever read on Hello Giggles!!! My roommates and I are OBSESSED with this movie and we just watched it a few nights ago. You basically hit on everything we were saying, I mean seriously what’s up with the 2 second costume/magnificent hair change? In spite of all the oddities and unbelievability I still LOVE this movie!
I LOVE this movie! I’ve been dancing since I was 8 and now I’m a ballet instructor, and this movie made such an impact on me when it came out. All my dance girls and I love to sit and have a dancer giggle fest and watch it. Ever since Center Stage I haven’t really seen a good ballet movie come out (I’m sorry, if you like Black Swan, then I won’t judge, but in my opinion,…BLEGCH! Natalie’s dancing was terrible…..Maureen and Eva looked so much better in this movie and they were non-dancers as well). Anyhow, back to subject at hand lol…LOVE THIS MOVIE!
this was truly an amazing article…and I have seen Centerstage more times then I care to admit…but i’m glad i’m not the only one
I have literally asked myself the same question about the motorcycle and costume changes. And I would NEVER laugh at Ilia Kulik. He was the reason I saw this movie the first time around. Also, was anyone but me annoyed at how many times Jody bit her lip during the whole RHCP dance sequence? I mean it’s music with rhythm and you’re jumping around while dancing biting your lip! How does your lip NOT bleed?
real life coordination isn’t necessary to be a dancer! i did ballet for about 12 years and i’m one of the most unco people i know, losing my balance and running into things and tripping all the time, there’s still hope! also, quick changes are something us dancers are pretty good at, but i must admit jody’s changes including hair and makeup would be pretty impossible even for the most experienced quick changer with a team to help
LOVE this movie!!!
also love Eion Bailey…and how lucky that I married a man who looks like him (at least i think so!)
however, I don’t think cooper was 46! I’m guessing he was supposed to be in his 20s as was Katherine… the big scandal was that Jonathan was dating Katherine now and HE was probably 46…
also though – how about not seeing your parents this whole time then when they come to give you flowers you are all “thanks…. ummm look friends! bye!
Oh man…I watched this movie back-to-back-to-back when I rented it for the first time. I’ve been obsessed with this movie for years. And, every time I hear Jamiroquai, I wish I had a red ballet outfit and some amazing french braids!
This was the best post on HelloGiggles so far. I’m a dancer (tap and lyrical) and I basically agree with everything you’ve written! The movie was so corny and yet so good.. love/hate relationship with the movie for sure! Just wanted to thank you for making me smile after a bad day.. and yes! “Just dance it” is definitely a dance mantra..
xo!
You said David Gallagher. That’s Simon Camden from 7th Heaven. I think you mean Peter Gallagher.
This movie came out when I was on a dance team so I basically thought I was the bee’s knees until, like, six years later when I watched it with a ‘matured mind’ and realized this movie is definitely on par with (the sheer awesomeness of) Coyote Ugly.
A movie for just crashing in front of the TV on a rainy day with. But it’s had a second use in my collection. It comes out about once a year when my kindy kids start wanting to be dancers and we pull out some of the sequences to show them what ballet looks like.
i LOVE charlie. i was totally heartbroken when she didn’t take him up on his date. i HATE cooper neilson. he’s a prick!
The greatest movie of our time. Best blog ever, ha! I have caught myself rewinding to see if that joke makes sense, but it just doesn’t it. I think it’s sole purpose is so Maureen can re-tell it later to her Mum, and when she gets frustrated that she isn’t listening, yell the “punch line” – ‘take it it all BITCH!’ at her. Nonsense, but amazing nonsense.
Totally in my head. I want to be friends with Eva and Eric, Cooper is super creepy. And I always feel sorry for Maureen. (And no, I’ve never gotten the joke with the elephant and mouse. More reason to feel sorry for Maureen; she’s not being bitchy, she’s thinking, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and while you, Jim Gordon, are awesome, and I’m totally enjoying this pizza, I’m reconsidering our relationship because that joke was weird. And nonsensical.”)
Also, isn’t it nice that Philly Limo Service appreciates your post?
i love this movie! so corny it’s so good. i’ve watched it like a million times… i love sandy cohen too and to me he is sandy cohen forever
oh my gosh. everything about this is so…YES. it made me literally laugh out loud at 1am while my roommate is asleep. and i’m pretty sure i’ve thought most of these thoughts. THANK YOU.
LOL, I was reading this yesterday, and Central Stage was on TV this noon! That HelloGiggles crazy timing thing!
Jody Swayer is like the worst female lead ever, naive, awkward, indifferent. I wish Eva was the protagonist. And I don’t feel sorry for Maureen, she got herself a good boy and battled her way out of her own uptight-ness- she’s my hero for that!
As for the guys – Jim excluded, they are all LAME. Cooper being the WORST CREEPER EVER, lol!
Laughed a bit until I almost cried. I dance ballet now and I still think about Center Stage even though it’s a pretty terrible depiction. God bless the teenage brain.
But you’ve forgotten the best part! Emily is booted from the ABA, then mysteriously shows up in the line behind Jody during the fabulous red-shoe portion of the finale ballet! Hoax I say!
But how I love this movie!
Clearly you’ve never been in a ballet show. You learn to change in seconds. SECONDS.
Also, you can get into dance schools based on ‘the x factor’, because then they can train you.
It’s called edits, Jody will have watched it more than once. It’s an hour (presumably) long session, we only saw 5 mins of it.
also, dancers are trained to pick things up after seeing them once.
Just, pretty much everything else you’ve said here just makes it obvious you did no research on ballet schools or ballet dancers or ballet in general.