It’s been seven months since I moved to New York… Seven long, tumultuous months. New York, to me, is about finding myself. It’s about veering away from the straight and narrow. It’s about growing up. It’s about truly “chasing down my passion like it’s the last bus of the night.” It’s about saying “yes” to something just to see where it will take me. It’s never losing my “kid on Christmas morning” excitement when I walk through Times Square at night.
New York is about being independent. It’s about exploring the streets of Manhattan for hours with nothing but my iPod. It’s about shamelessly requesting a table for one at a restaurant with a view of the street to people-watch. It’s about sitting at the dog park with a book. I’m learning to be content with who and what I am, where I’m at and where I’m going without any external validation. It’s the revelation that being alone doesn’t have to equate to loneliness.
New York is about adaptation. It’s replacing “north and south” with “uptown and downtown,” fireflies with street lights, and grass with concrete. It’s teaching myself to install an AC unit during a heat wave and fix a leaky radiator in a blizzard. It’s getting thoroughly lost on the subway at least once and finding that there is no such thing as personal space on the L train.
New York is about a career. It’s about working at a shitty dive bar on the Upper West Side to pay the bills and enduring the insanity and hilarity that I witness every night. It’s about attaining patience and faith that my dream job (or the one that will lead to it) is around the corner. It’s about fighting back tears when I hit another dead end and reminding myself that anything worth having rarely comes easily. It’s about adamantly remaining every bit as passionate about making a difference as I was the day I moved here.
It’s about meeting new people. It’s the desire to catch a glimpse of something new, something previously unappreciated yet beautiful upon its discovery. It’s about that chance conversation on the subway with someone different, whose perspective and experience is a welcomed breath of fresh air. It’s about salsa-dancing with Peruvians on the Lower East Side, riding a mechanical bull with Irishmen in Midtown and enduring a deranged Bosnian refugee as a roommate for two months in Brooklyn.
New York is about learning to be financially independent- striving to be frugal and responsible. To come home to my tiny studio apartment without a microwave, curtains or central heat and air and looking upon it with a sense of pride because it’s mine. To be satisfied because, although I’m not discussing signing bonuses and 401K’s, I worked my ass off to pay for it. It’s about proving that I can take care of myself.
New York is about endings and new beginnings. It’s about refusing to settle for anything less than what I feel I’m owed, deserve and want. It’s the courage to say goodbye to the bad, knowing full and well how much it’s going to hurt to lose the good that accompanies it. It’s forcing myself to walk away from that which I’ve grown to depend on having by my side. It’s about clinging to my belief that love truly is the most important thing despite it all… and finding comfort in the knowledge that I gave it openly and willingly.
New York is about being single for the first time in years. It’s about delving into the infuriating, terrifying, intoxicatingly nonsensical world of “casual dating.” It’s about revisiting and re-evaluating my standards. It’s about being grateful to find one more quality that I know I want or don’t want in another, even if I had to learn it the hard way. It’s about enduring a horrible first date and appreciating the silver lining that is the good story it will eventually be. It’s never hearing from him again versus wishing he would leave me the hell alone. It’s remaining hopeful that I’ll find someone willing to give as much of himself to me as I do him.
New York is about doing something different. I never saw myself destined for The Big Apple, but I knew I wasn’t meant for Atlanta. I’ve always known I wasn’t made for a husband and sharing a zip code with my parents at 24. It’s about staying true to myself and refusing to do what would have come easily or what everyone else I grew up with did. It’s the refusal to stick to the mundane, the usual – to fall prey to the illusion that if it brings them satisfaction, it will do the same for me.
It’s the pursuit of both internal and external balance. It’s about approaching my fears instead of fleeing from them. It’s about that feeling of wonder and awe when you see the Manhattan skyline. It’s about proving things to myself. It’s about living in the moment without losing sight of the future.
… To me.
You can read more from Whitney Smith on her blog.
As a girl that moved to NYC at the age of 23 from Birmingham, AL, this spoke volumes to me! So nice to know that while our specific experiences are all different, there are people out there struggling with and reveling in the same things as you. Great article.
This is exactly why I moved to New York. To meet strange and interesting people, have unexpected experiences, and prove to myself that I can make a living and support myself straight out of high school. When I moved here, my friends were starting college around the country, with their parents paying for dorms and meal plans, most – if not all – of them unemployed. I got a job and three roommates and moved to the city, and I’m never looking back.
Whit this article is amazing and inspiring! I admire what your doing – I know its been years but I hope you get everything you are looking for!
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If your artciles are always this helpful, “I’ll be back.”
Whitney! Great piece. This is how I felt when I moved up to Philly from the Deep South. Recently out of a “partner” relationship, being paid peanuts and going to school. It may not be the Big Apple, but it’s the “sixth borough.” My dream was a city out of the Southeast by 25, and I didn’t know how or what, but it had to happen. And it has, but it’s not easy!! But worth it.
I can absolutely relate to this. There is something unique about NYC– there’s almost a European way of living there which I love. I’m hoping that I get the chance to live there at some point, if I can afford it!
I was in New York last year, so I definitely connect with everything you said. I really miss the city sometimes, and after reading this post, all the emotions from last year are flooding in. Congratulations on staying strong and finding out who you are in such an overwhelming environment! I hope you get everything you were expecting from New York – and more!
This is really beautiful. My college roommate and I would talk about moving to New York together after college, and the reasons you listed above were my thoughts exactly. Alas, she lives near Boston, but I’m still trying to get a job in NYC. As you said, “anything worth having rarely comes easily,” which is proving to be true.
Loved this! Thank you for sharing!
I really, thoroughly enjoyed this. The mood that you have captured and the sentiments expressed are truly quite beautiful. I can most certainly identify and I applaud your courage, your tenacity, and your choice of grammar.
it takes a lot of courage to move to the unknown, congratulations! I feel like I`m about to live something similar now that I´m moving to Boston
Perfectly written. Really expresses the rawness of the city we all love. It’s not easy to move here and to make it. Its easy to move here and fail. Thank you for your inspirational words, we’ve all been there and rarely talk about it, unfortunately! Good luck, Whitney. You are a strong girl and I don’t have any doubts that you will find what you’re looking for here.
Love it!
Loved the honesty of this article! I moved here almost a year ago and have experienced a lot of the same ups and downs. This city can eat you alive if you let it, so its important to stay focused on what you moved here to achieve. Its definitely about starting over and becoming the person you have wanted to be. Id love to read a follow up after you have conquered what you came here for, everyone can use some inspiration!
this made me cry tears of joy. thank you so much! very inspirational.
You are me. I want what you’ve experienced so bad, you don’t even know. I’m curious, what career are you trying to achieve?
Hi Lauren! I’m so glad you could relate! I’m currently pursuing a career in the non-profit sector, focusing my efforts on sub-Saharan Africa.
I met the person that most recently broke my heart in NY working together when I lived there. The place is awesome, I loved those summer days and the winter rugging up together. But you got it perfectly… “the courage to say goodbye to the bad, knowing full and well how much it’s going to hurt to lose the good that accompanies it”. Touche. Im back in London now and its not easy no matter where you live, but we can only do it with gusto! Get out there!
This spoke volumes to me, not gonna lie. I’ve been living in the LES and working in advertising a year and a half now and have experienced all you’ve written about!. The wandering aimlessly (because it’s the best way to explore the city), dealing with the “casual dating” scene, and trying to keep myself from falling prey to the mundane too. It’s a lot. But then again I love it! Sounds like you’re doing really well and girl, you’re not alone in it! haha
This is awesome! I’ve been thinking about moving to New York after I graduate college for at least a year now and the idea kind of terrifies me (I mean, who do I know in New York??). I could only wish to work up the courage. Good for you, girl!
I just recently decided I AM moving there immediately after I graduate college. The idea terrifies me, but it excites me just as much! I have a year left of school and all I can think about is going to NY. And it is for all of the reasons listed in this article! So, I guess what I am saying is, don’t let fear hold you back!