Single Girls Guide

New Year, New Habits, Please – Plus, Single Girls Guide Live Chat Tonight!

It’s been a crazy year, these past few days. Obviously, New Year’s Eve happened and we have to talk about it. Not the movie; don’t be dumb, no one saw it. I mean, I haven’t checked the stats on it, but no one I know saw it and those are the only people whose movie watching I track, and I will admit now that without a doubt I will watch it some day in a hotel room.

In real life, I’ve never had a good time on New Year’s Eve. One year, after my TV star boyfriend had dumped me for his TV star new girlfriend, I was trying to move on and keep my head held high. I found myself at a party watching the MTV countdown, only to see the camera pan over to him proudly kissing her at midnight on the TV. Another year, I was stuck on an island with a boyfriend who literally played Brick Breaker on his Blackberry through the countdown. Another, I decided to be mature and go out to dinner with my boyfriend, my mom and step dad, and the whole time my mom complained about our table not being in a good spot, the temperature in the room, the unimpressive clientele and how she’d rather be home. One year, I just made a really bad hair and outfit choice and it ruined the night. A lot of them ended in throwing up and/or crying.

January 1st is always the moment of truth. It’s like, how bad did I decide to start the year off last night? How much did I barf? How skinny is it going to make me look today?

The thing I’ve realized is that I always sabotage a moment out of fear that the next moment is going to be unfulfilling. I panic that when midnight comes around, I’m going to be wandering around a room in slow motion watching everyone pair up while I desperately search for anyone to look me in the eye. I’m so busy anticipating the disappointment that I never even find out if it is going to be disappointing. The anxiety about something is always worse than the actual thing you are worried about. Putting off a phone call that you’re nervous to make and spending a week losing sleep over it and getting knots in your stomach thinking about it is so much worse than the moment you finally pick up the phone and just say what you need to say. I think New Year’s Eve is a time when we all do it. We want it to be so good that we ruin it. Did that rhyme?

It’s always the party you didn’t plan on going to that you have the best time at. It’s the person you underestimated who impresses you. It’s the thing you’ve obsessed over that doesn’t end up being what you wanted. We never know how things are gonna go. If we stopped jumping ahead and trying to know what’s ahead, we would enjoy where we are a little more.

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions unless you made them for yourself every week instead of every year. Use this week as an excuse to better yourself, but do it again next month. And stop ruining everything with needing to know the outcome before it’s even over!

For the record, I had a great New Year’s Eve this time. I wore a $60 dress, didn’t get drunk, and got ready about thirty minutes before heading out. Pressure off= outcome satisfying.

Featured image is my own.

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  • Joelle Poitra

    Yep. NYE is so overrated. I have never really enjoyed myself on NYE. There is just too much expectation. When I first turned bar age, I expected so much. I expected glitter, lots of champagne & wine & sparkly fashion. All I got was spilled beer and guys who reminded me of those drunk uncles that smell like beer, have watery red eyes, and fall all over everyone trying to get in hugs. There was no little dresses. No sparkles. Nothing. Upsetting as it was, I tried it the next year. Same thing. I haven’t went out on NYE ever again. My idea of a good NYE is spending it with family playing cards, or board games, eating left over candy canes and waking up the next morning with a bzillion quarters in my piggy bank from winning at cards the night before. I’m seriously starting to think that the whole “NYE” thing is all commercialized. I watch Dick Clark every year. They make it look so fun! What most people don’t know is that more than half of the people there waiting for the ball to drop were standing there for days in the frigid cold. So I hear. Now, I can’t be sure…but those probably aren’t smiles of happiness. It’s probably just delirium kicking in. I know, I know, I sound like a Debbie Downer, but I still have yet for a NYE to prove me wrong.

  • Joelle Poitra

    Oh yeah,…and I also know what you mean about the over thinking. Some of my insomnia nights when I turn nocturnal, I’ll stay up and think a situation out, that hasn’t even happened, and probably never will happen, and I think of the things that I’m gonna say if the situation does happen. Like, how I’m gonna tell someone off if they say I look sick since I’ve lost weight, or if they ask me why I don’t have children or why I’m single yet. 100% of the time, it never happens. Don’t judge me. Sometimes, I think I’m just a strange human and I was just cursed with a worry gene, and I think that I’m the only one who does this, but the other day I was talking about this with my sister, and she does the same thing. Anyway, I realize that all it does is make situations worst than what they really are and it just creates problems that weren’t really even there in the first place. Like maybe ulcers.

    • Melissa Senger

      Joelle, I am the same way!! Did you ever see the Friends epi where Chandler can’t sleep? and he’s thinking “If I fall asleep now, I’ll get 6 hours of sleep…” and then “…5….” that’s totally me. My therapist had me write up a list of things I was afraid of happening – usually confrontations by a boss or parent or whatever was going on, and what I would reply to them if they said it. Then she helped me “tweak” and by “tweak” I mean COMPLETELY rewrote or in her terms “REFRAMED” what I should say. And I memorized them. And now I sort of feel ready for those confrontations. Turns out, my mother does the same thing (rehearsing in her head the bad things that could happen, what she would say, etc…). I think I’m just genetically f&cked. BUT my therapist is really helping!!

    • Erin Foster

      You’re not strange, you’re actually super normal. But it always helps to be reminded not to over-think things and ruin them before they’ve even happened :-) You’re doing great.

  • Rocio Alvarado

    I always love your articles, this one’s just as great!

  • Melissa Mason

    This article was great for me to read right now. You’re a great writer, Erin, and you look gorgeous in the video. Congrats on having a great New Year’s.

  • Amalia Pantazi

    Hey, Erin! Happy New Year to you an great job, as always!
    I’d like to share a random thought. It’s slightly off topic but whatever. Reading about that ex Tvstar boyfriend who had dumped you, I automatically thought this guy must be crazy to dump a girl like Erin. I mean, I don’t really know you, but I do know that you’re beautiful and smart and creative and so funny! It is so obvious to me. Sometimes I find myself thinking that for someone else, but never for myself, which is kind of mental. I can see perfectly well all the great qualities of a stranger but I fail to see mine.
    So I thought, just in case you had some insecurity moments like these, I should let you know that you are, quite objectively, an amazing woman! : )

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