Jess and Cece are at a rather noisy club and Jess is trying to navigate the “counter-intuitive” traffic patterns of the crowd to get to her friend. When she finds her, Cece is screaming at some European DJ who looks like the toolbox that he apparently is, so no surprises there.
Jess tells him to “get away” before Cece tears his shirt open, causing EuroDJ to wail, “This is my deep V!” I feel his pain. I also love a deep V. That sounds wrong. I’m talking about v-neck t-shirts, perverts.
After leaving the club, Cece laments that she thought EuroDJ was different (I know he has a name, I’m just choosing to ignore it) and looks to Jess for sympathy. She then asks to crash with Jess for a few days since EuroDJ is staying at her place, but Jess is unsure and claims that the guys probably have “big plans”.
Here are said big plans:
Nick asks what’s wrong with Schmidt, saying that he’s gotten “so much worse”. I suppose worse about…dressing in short kimonos? Anyway, he wants to hit up some party but Nick’s not convinced. All he wants is to play some video games and then go to his room to do “weird stuff” on his computer. Sounds like a good Friday night to me.
Winston questions what’s between Schmidt and the chair he’s sitting on, which Schmidt responds to with: “Just a little bit of sunshine.” Erm, isn’t that where the sun doesn’t shine? He says that his ‘mono is his “leisurewear”. In retaliation, Winston decides to rip his pants off and stick tissues in his ears and nose. Well, okay.
Arriving back at the flat, Jess and Cece are greeted with this lovely scene:
Jess wants to know what they’re doing, but they’re just “hanging out”. Jess warns them to watch out for how “physical” and “loose with her body” Cece is when drunk and reiterates that she “has no boundaries. The guys, of course, promise to watch out, but they all end up having an impromptu dance party in the living room.
Cece tries to get Nick up to dance, but he doesn’t want to so she rips his shirt. Jess eventually gives up trying to set up a bed for Cece on the couch and Schmidt instead leads her to sleep on his bed, much to his happiness. He starts doing flips and jumps and bragging to Winston and Nick, insisting that tonight is the night he sleeps with Cece. The guys don’t buy it and neither do I.
The next morning, Jess cooks breakfast and offers some to Nick, who says that he doesn’t need her to look out for him and she should stop being so nice. Her retort? “Your mother’s being so nice!” High five on that one, Jess.
Cece wakes up in Schmidt’s bed and this is her first vision as he pretends to have done 4,000 curls:
He then passes out from the blood rushing to his head. When he wakes up, he has Cece “slide [him] like a curtain” in order to get out of the room since he clearly can’t get down.
Later in the bathroom, Cece gets out of the shower after using Schmidt’s “body gelato” and of course, only the tiniest towel is available. Schmidt wants to get his arm stuck in Cece’s cleavage “127 Hours style”.
As Cece and Jess have a heart to heart, Cece claims that Nick is really into Jess, which she doesn’t see. She insists that they’re just friends and that there’s nothing between them, but Cece thinks it’s obvious in the way he says her name. However, Jess thinks that’s how people from Chicago talk. Ha!
When Nick needs to go to the store, Cece insists that she goes along. Jess’s perfect man is Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men and she wants to be his girl Jack Lemon. Cece declares Nick a “total Matthau” and Jess goes along with Nick.
At the store, Jess starts being all weird, dancing all around Nick and then saying that she doesn’t use toilet paper and not picking up Nick’s jokes. It’s pretty awkward. Back at the apartment, however, Cece’s sunbathing on the roof and Winston encourages Schmidt to go out and try to impress her.
He does the classic “fake phone call” situation, but of course pretends that he’s talking to a former sex partner about how good he is. Then Winston calls, making his phone ring and ruining his game. Winston swoops in and offers to help if Schmidt is bothering her but she says that they both are.
Coming home from the store, Jess is still freaking out in the car. He buys her roses from a street vendor and she can’t take it anymore and jumps out of the car and starts running home in the wrong direction.
Later back at the apartment, Schmidt and Winston are still competing to win Cece’s affections. She puts his foot in his mouth when referring to her “brown” skin and when she responds that her parents are from India, Winston suggests that he lists all the things that he loves about India.
The list is so classic, I’ll describe it in its entirety: naan, Slumdog Millionaire, pepper, Ben Kingsley, stories of Rudyard Kipling, cows, Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, monsoon, anyone named Patel, Naveen Andrews, mango chutney, cobras in baskets…
Jess gets home, telling Cece that she walked home after getting freaked that Nick’s feet were pointing towards her (which Cece thinks means that he wants her). She wonders if she needs thicker pyjamas or worse posture in order to head off his advances.
When Nick arrives, he wonders what the hell is going on with Jess but she insists it’s nothing. However, Nick was worried when she ran away out of nowhere and says that she “can’t just walk around this neighbourhood with bags full of toilet paper that [she] doesn’t even use”. Fair enough.
Cece wants to clear things up with Nick but Jess doesn’t allow it and tries to hold her back. Instead, she gets her earring caught on Cece’s shirt. Jess thinks that Cece likes playing mind games and is trying to “take over” because she doesn’t understand that some girls like just having guy friends.
Jess also says that she likes being weird and taking her time and not “hopping into the potato sack with the first potato [she] meets with diabetes” – apparently EuroDJ suffered from it. However, the tension breaks when Jess gets so heated that she refers to Cece as “bitch”.
Up on the roof, Schmidt is in a bit of a predicament as he cowers behind a little makeshift fort as apparently he’s at odds with a stray cat. Schmidt is upset that he’s been neglected by Cece but Jess says that it’s just because she’s not ready for him and that Cece would eat him up. He then launches into some whole analogy to an all-you-can-eat buffet. It’s all bizarre.
That night, Nick comes to Cece and says that he’d like to sleep in his own bed since his sunburn is blistering and the couch is uncomfortable. She lets him climb in and then even holds his hand, though she tells him that if he ever tells anyone else, there are two people in her phone that will kill him.
Meanwhile, Jess and Nick brush their teeth together and she apologises for being weird, but he doesn’t seem phased. Instead, they have one of those awkward “I totally like you” smiles, and I think big things are in store.
Stay tuned for more New Girl recaps every Wednesday! New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Fox.
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