Right now I am buried in spreadsheets, cheat sheets and bed sheets preparing for my Fantasy Football draft. Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some NFL and Fantasy Football is sort of a seasonal obsession for me. But looking through all this data is a little overwhelming. I can’t help but think how much easier this would be if instead of judging these players on their athletic merits, I judged them on what really matters – their looks.

Okay, obviously we shouldn’t be that superficial. But isn’t this Fantasy Football after all? Thus, I present to you my Ultimate Fantasy Football Team, based primarily on hotness.

Starters

QB – Cam Newton (Carolina Panthers): There are a few reasons Cam Newton just graced the cover of GQ. His smile, his style, his passing yardage (over 4,000 last season). Hand to god, he would be my first round draft pick.

Image from GQ

RB – Reggie Bush (Miami Dolphins): When you can win a Superbowl and steal Kim K‘s heart, you’ve definitely got something going for you. Those abs might have something to do with it. What is that, an eight pack?

Image from GQ

RB – Adrian Peterson (Minnesota Vikings): Adrian “All Day” Peterson would be a huge asset to any Fantasy Football team based solely on his own athletic prowess. I mean, the guy set an NFL record for the most rushing yards in a single game in his first year! But with that face on that body, he makes the cut for my team, too. All Day, every day, amirite?

Image from GQ

RB – Donald Brown (Indiana Colts) – The Colts are awful. Like, just awful. A 2-14 record last season?! Come on. But I like to think of Donald Brown as the one redeeming factor of having to watch a Colts game. Not only is he super cute, but he is also their top performing running back with 645 rushing yards and 5 touchdowns last year. Also, I think he has kind eyes.

Image from Sports Illustrated

WR – Dane Sanzenbacher (Chicago Bears): With his wayward locks and facial hair set to a permanent five o’clock shadow, Dane Sanzenbacher looks like that mischievous boy that would give your Dad a headache and make your Mama clutch her pearls if you ever took him home. I like it.

Image from Chicago Now

WR – Eric Decker (Denver Broncos): This GQMF is currently engaged to country singer Jesse James. Tragic. Whatever, I am SOOOO happy for her. And by “happy” I actually mean “maddeningly jealous.”

Image from GQ

WR -Victor Cruz (New York Giants): Victor Cruz should be a boxer because his smile knocks me out. Then again with 82 receptions last season for over 1,500 yds (including a crazy career high 99-yd. catch) I bet his team would like to keep him where he’s at. Besides, no sense in ruining that pretty face.

Image from GQ

TE – Rob Gronkowsk (New England Patriots): Pornstar girlfriend notwithstanding, you can’t deny that the Gronk certainly earned his cover shot on ESPN Magazine’s Body Issue. Because yeah.

Image from Boston.com

K – Mason Crosby (Green Bay Packers): I feel weird about putting him here. As a Bears fan, rooting for a Cheesehead in any capacity is tantamount to treason. But by and large, kickers tend to either be balding and plain. And truth be told, Mason Crosby is adorable. So begrudgingly I will allow this one exception.

Image from CheeseheadTV, an accursed site for accursed Packers fans.

Bench (the honorable mentions)

QB – Alex Smith (San Francisco 49ers): I’m sure many of you are appalled that Tom Brady or Tim Tebow didn’t make this list, even on my bench. But the reality is that other QBs exist and most of them are at least average in the looks department. I personally think Alex Smith looks a little bit like Ryan Gosling, y/n?

Image from Deadspin

RB – Ray Rice (Baltimore Ravens): Ray Rice is kind of a looker for his face, his build and his performance as the Raven’s star running back. I also enjoy names with alliteration.

Image from GQ

WR – DeSean Jackson (Philadelphia Eagles): To be clear, I am not feeling the facial hair. But the rest of him is so boyishly cute. Besides, if it’s good for R&B star Mya, it’s good enough for me.

Image from Zimbio.com

WR – Terrell Owens (free agent, just got cut from the Seattle Seahawks): Look, I know he’s got a reputation for being a self-absorbed, entitled d-bag. But did you know that Terrell Owens published a children’s book entitled Little T Learns to Share? You gotta love a man who’s good with kids! And has a six pack!

Image by GQ

K – Shaun Suisham (Pittsburgh Steelers): Shaun is the only other hot kicker in the NFL. I checked. He and Mason Crosby should make friends with me.

Image from Behind the Steel Curtain

There you have it, my ultimate “Fantasy” Football team. The team of my daydreams, if you will. If you aren’t a football fan, I hope you are now. If you are a football fan, feel free to agree/disagree in the comments.