From Our ReadersMy Optometrist and IFrom Our Readers

Not lying to your doctor is a basic rule of life. It’s a horrible thing to do, right? “Never, ever lie to your doctor, they are there to help,” I’ve always been told by people older than me. But it’s true, you don’t want to wake up one day and find out you have ringworm because you didn’t admit to your doctor you’ve taken up eating worms as a habit (I’m almost certain this is not how you get ringworm, alas the typing must continue).

I will be the first to admit I lied to my Optometrist. Some people may be thinking, “Oh but he’s not a real doctor anyway, he just looks at eyes all day.” You are incorrect and that is rude. On behalf of all optometrists, plastic surgeons and veterinarians, I’m here to tell you to shut up and always call them Doctor (Insert Name Here), because they deserve it. It’s patients like me that don’t deserve recognition.

I tried to trick my Optometrist into giving me glasses. I spent days, weeks, months convincing myself I needed glasses for medical reasons. I knew, from previous visits to the doctor, that I, unfortunately, have to live with 20/20 vision. But I thought if I truly make myself believe that I need glasses then maybe I really might. I might have read The Secret one too many times because I started to feel the symptoms that I thought people with eye problems have:

  • Headaches from reading.
  • Headaches from staring at anything.
  • Headaches all the time!
  • Inability to drive to ones full potential.
  • Feeling like I might be going cross-eyed.
  • The squinty eye face becomes the face friends’ make when trying to impersonate me.
  • Eyes get watery all the time.
  • Eye drops are my only addiction in life.
  • I catch myself saying “ahhhh” after a drop perfectly falls to my eye.

And then I was ready… finally! I went into the all-white-stuffy-but-somehow-perfectly organized little room set aside for me. I was nervous he’d figure out what I was up to before being able to carry out my well thought out plan. He was the cool, calm and collected one, while I was sweating out my nerves. He placed the “eye machine” called the Phoropter in front of my face and asked me to read out the letters I saw. I could see them all clearly, almost no strain was necessary. I messed up multiple letters on purpose and by the last line I said the letters were so blurry I was too embarrassed to even guess. He did the test three times, each time with a different lens. I thought he was being thorough and he was, but he was also collecting evidence to prove I was a liar. That sneaky, sneaky man!

Looking back, I believe the crucial moment that lead to failure was acting excited about potentially having to run out of the office and order my prescribed glasses immediately.  Not to mention, I kept on blabbing about the make, color and brand of the glasses that would be mine. I might as well have brought in the magazine ad that sold me on them, just like I do with my hairstylist. I also might have said “Oh, that’s okay. I actually want to look like Tina Fey.” But that part is fuzzy and hopefully was all in my imagination.

I had done my research see, but the research came from watching movies, TV, friends and family. For this reason I ended up with symptoms of both near sighted and far sighted people. I was a Dead Giveaway.

And okay, It’s not that I actually wanted to look like Tina Fey, even though I’d be lying to you if I said I would not have enjoyed that. It was more about having a signature “thing”. I’ve always felt like I was pretty simple, a plain Jane type of girl. I felt like glasses would give me that extra boost of confidence that I needed. I was never that girl who wanted to stand out in a crowd, or have random people stare at me for absolutely no reason on the street, I just wanted to have something that would make it easier for people to remember me. So instead of being a girl with big, blonde hair that looks like all blonde girls. I’d be the girl with big blonde hair that looks like all blonde girls, but ‘oh, look she’s also got black rimmed glasses.’ See the difference?

I am ashamed now and admit it was a little bit silly. I mean people with bad eye site really have a hard time. I know it’s not a joke, and having good eye sight is something to be thankful for, but I have to admit my boyfriend still finds me reading in the dark sometimes.

You can read more from Bianca Cuffia on her blog.

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  1. i got away with lying to my eye doctor in elementary that i needed glasses for reading, but the joke was on me. I ended being near sided and not far sided. so ive been wearing glasses since i was 12. to the point where i have contacts now when i need them for auditions an such but it takes days to put them on. ive come to love my glasses, but the thing is, if i dont have them i am screwed, especially when it comes to driving. or if i see a movie in 3D, the insult “4 eyes” takes on a whole new literal meaning. Trust me, glasses are have and you can get cute pairs, but how i wish I had 20/20 vision. but certainly not enough to get laser eye surgery. ive accepted it as a part of me, but its not always fun and fashionable.

  2. I have had glasses since I was 5 (oh the pics I have of some fugly glasses!) and the thing that drives me crazy is how dirty they get just sitting on my face! I do think I look cuter with them on but that could be me used to having them on my face for 30 years LOL

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  4. I was exactly the opposite. I was SO afraid of getting glasses when I was younger, I didn’t tell anyone I couldn’t see. Whenever we would have to write anything off the board, I would craftily sneak a peek at my neighbors paper, or just make it all up. Surprisingly, no one caught on until the end of third grade. Then, after getting them, I was like, whoa! Look at all of these things! Trees have leaves! Bowling pins are 10 separate pins, and not one big triangle that you knock bits off of! Birds aren’t para-gliders! The world was full of miracles :-)

  5. For some reason it kind of blows my mind that people with 20/20 vision regularly visit the optometrist. This is so silly because eye health is important for everyone, but for me, seeing the eye doctor is so tied to finding out how much worse my vision has gotten!

  6. The worst part about having glasses is the funny tanline. ugh.

  7. While I love my glasses and quit wearing contacts simply because I think I look better with specs, I want to also share the downside. For one thing, if you fall asleep in glasses, you end up with marks on your face, a headache and possibly bent frames. Sunny days lead to sweat which turns your nose into a landslide for Buddy Holly glasses. Lastly, no matter how much time you spend on making your eye makeup pretty, no one will know. There are great reasons to wear glasses, but like everything, there are consequences.

    • And sunglasses! It doesn’t matter how much I love them, I can never wear sunglasses because then I can’t see…

  8. I convinced myself I needed glasses in the 3rd grade. When my mom took me to the eye doctor I totally lied as well…they called me out on having 20/20 vision. Luckily I was young enough to not feel ashamed about my brazen attempt at tricking the eye doctor. Makes for a funny story now though!

  9. Growing up I wanted glasses so badly but mostly because I had an obsession with American Girl dolls. Do you know what they are?? Basically dolls from different time periods in American history. I loved Molly, a young girl who lived during WWII and she wore glasses. To me happiness, I got glasses senior year of high school. I was so excited to SEE and well as have them. But now, at age 24, I wish I had contacts. Glasses are a pain.

  10. Dude, you can buy fake glasses.

    I wear them all the time.

    There are less brands and (as far as I know, although I have never actually looked) no high-brand fakies,
    but they are a huge fashion statement in Asia (especially youth street wear in Japan).