There are certain things you just don’t tell your mother. Private things, romantic things, illegal things. These are the topics you spare your mom, opting mercifully instead to inquire politely about her work day or grandma’s secret pot roast recipe. You gloss over the nitty gritty, explicit details of reality and give mom a pleasant, counterfeit version of you.
This is not how my mom and I operate.
Our atypical relationship is due in part to my big mouth and irrepressible honesty—I’ve had a hard time concealing anything from my mother since the late ’90s. That’s my own fault. But I also blame her abnormally open, accepting, unshockable temperament.
She makes it way too easy to confide thoughts and feelings better reserved for cocktail-swilling girlfriends. I mean, aside from a few key characters, did anyone on Sex and the City even have a mother (and by the way, Miranda’s died without ever being seen, Steve’s had some serious issues and don’t even get me started on Bunny)?
And it’s not that my mom is the Amy Poehler character in Mean Girls (“You girls keep me young, ugh, I love you so much”). I’ve never suffered the embarrassment of Regina George, having to awkwardly exile my mother from social situations or tell her to please stop talking because she repeatedly informs others with a wink, “I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!”
My mom just is the cool mom, but doesn’t have to say it or wear pink Juicy sweatsuits to prove it. And I realize this makes me insanely lucky. But her coolness compels me to want to hang out with her, and it’s sometimes hard to explain to other twenty-somethings that you’d rather watch Real Housewives at mom’s house than look for future ex-boyfriends at a seedy bar.
My sister and I are besties too, but that one’s easier to explain. No one really thinks to question close, sisterly bonds between actual sisters, because that’s what everyone strives to emulate in their friendships (those girls and their Traveling Pants certainly did, anyway). But when your go-to movie date and gossip buddy happens to have been in the room when you were born, eyebrows raise (my dad was quietly fainting in the waiting room while I was born, but he’s cool, too).
I guess you could say my mom and I are real-life Gilmore Girls, but we look way more Eastern European, drink half the coffee and banter at a markedly less breakneck pace. It’s nice to know that former WB gem captured the closeness that can exist between mother and daughter, though. It may be the only media representation of a parent-child relationship that isn’t entirely rooted in eye-rolling and door slamming.
But again, I realize I’m extraordinarily fortunate to have the mom I have and not everyone has the privilege of a ready-made BFF. Still, it would be nice to see more Lorelai and Rory Gilmores and less Marissa and Julie Coopers (because really, sleeping with your daughter’s ex-boyfriend does nothing to foster friendship).
But the lack of onscreen relationship role models doesn’t make me question my connection with my mom. And neither do the baffled reactions of casual eavesdroppers overhearing our wildly inappropriate coffee shop conversations. We can’t help ourselves—that’s just how BFFs roll.
MY DAUGHTER SENT ME THIS POST AND IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY FACE….I AM HONORED TO BE HER BBF:)
[...] can’t help it. I know I have absolutely no personal ties to these people, and as my mom likes to point out, the majority of them are “cartoons” created by the Hollywood [...]
My mom and I are the same way! Watching Gilmore Girls was like watching skinnier versions of ourselves lol. It’s nice to know we’re not the only ones.
Your mom IS the cool mom. I
When you say “My Mom is my best friend” all that means is that she drinks as much as you do. but that’s just the way I see it.
if my mom or i ever drank, i’d totally agree with you.
This is so good! My fiance is puzzled by how close I am with my mom.. early in our relationship saying “I don’t think your mom is supposed to be your best friend”.. but what can you do when she gets you and has your back more than everyone else! Although for the record I knew a girl that used to go to seedy bars with her mom and I’m not going to lie.. I do think that might be a little toooooo close.
My mom and I are the same way, but she had me at 17 so we kind of grew up together lol…well I don’t know if she ever grew up, I’m pretty sure my maturity passed hers when I was about 14
omg! I thought I was the only one! Just sent this post to my mom lmao
Is it weird that I know what episode of Gilmore girls that is just by looking at that picture? :$
This is the exact same relationship I have with my mother. She’s my best friend, movie date, travel companion and gossip girl. All my friends love her and think she is cool. PLUS, she’s European! Straight from the motherland (Deutschland!) and that makes he super awesome in my book.
When watching Gilmore Girls my mother, sister and I are always amused by how similar we are to them.
My mom and I have always been best friends and would always watch the new Gilmore girls together every week, even when I went away to college I would stay in for the new episode and call her and watch the whole episode together over the phone! My friends never understood, but it was our thing.
I loved this article, my mom was my best friend, we used to talk about anything, she was a very fun person, very positive . I missed her so much. I’ve lost her a month ago, she had cancer, but I will always be happy about the great relationship that we had, she was amazing. I hope someday have a daughter and make a bond like the one I had with my mum
Just had to post this on my mom’s wall– we are the same (and also kind of obsessed with Gilmore Girls…). We totally don’t have all seven seasons on DVD.
I have (almost) never heard of such a thing among us Eastern Europeans. You are a very lucky girl indeed….is your mom looking to adopt? I’m potty trained!
I have been besties with my mom my whole life, rarely even filtering the raw honesty of teenage life during that prolific time of awfulness. She is amazing and it only got better when I had a daughter! Now instead of watching Woody Allen, it’s the Lion King and we all sing Hakuna Matata!
I have the same relationship with my mom, I would rather hang out with her than anyone else any day, I don’t think we’re weird, I think we are lucky!
my relationship with my mom is pretty much the same : ) Love it!
my mum & my sister are both my best friends….when we started watching gilmore girls the first thing we said to each other was “Its US!” and rejoiced in this fact- because i dont know anyone like us at all- i tell my mum everything & she to me.
loooove this article- great writing!
my mom and i are exactly the same. shes my bestfriend!