Gumdrop Lane

My Five Favorite Astronauts: "To infinity, and beyond!"

Ah, space! The final frontier. If there’s something to be learned from astronauts, it’s that there are tons of somethings to learn from them! Here are a few of my favorite astronauts and why we should admire their space-traveling, barrier-breaking selves:

1. Ripley from Alien is a fantastic example of an astronaut – she’s a fighter and a survivor and she does it all in space. The being in space part is what makes her an astronaut. There’s so much to learn from Alien but she truly teaches us the most valuable lessons.

Reason to admire her/Lessons learned:

After going through a harrowing experience, Ripley strips down to get into her space bed to take a nice long space nap. She reveals she wears no bra, just a white undershirt. I suppose one might argue that she’s in space and there’s no gravity, but not so! They have artificial gravity so those space boobs need space support or they’re totally gonna space sag. But Ripley knows best, clearly, since she escapes a crazy giant murderous alien. Maybe her secret was not wearing a bra. That’s the key to victory over hostile aliens: free-boobing.

In terms of lack of support, her butt doesn’t quite fit into her white space underpants. Again, this could be another weapon against the alien. Sure, he can’t that her crack is hanging out, but she knows. And that quarter-inch of crack cleavage gives her the confidence she needs to fight back against a creature that’s been murdering her whole crew and ruining her whole space cruise.

2. Buzz Lightyear is not exactly a real astronaut and is actually described as a “space ranger.” But it’s because he doesn’t realize he’s not an actual space adventurer that he’s so endearing.

Reason to admire him/Lessons learned:

He has an awesome and inspirational catchphrase: “To infinity, and beyond!” And an action figure version of him finally did go to real space. He teaches us delusions can come true!

Also, let us not forget to observe what is so obvious – this astronaut has style. How many astronauts do you know who accent their suits with lime green and purple? Just one. Just one very stylish one.

3. Buzz Aldrin on 30 Rock is a real life astronaut, but also played one – himself – on 30 Rock. Obviously we should look up to him, because he actually walked on the moon’s face. And he shares the same name as a very stylish animated space ranger.

Reason to admire him/Lessons learned:

He yells at the moon – really putting it in it’s place. He teaches us to yell at those we have conquered, a very valuable lesson. Also, he seems to best friends with Cookie Monster, which is awesome.

4. Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest is a ‘naut to watch. Technically he’s an actor playing an alien, but to me an astronaut is anyone who travels through space, so there you have it.

Reasons to admire him/Lessons learned:

We should admire him because he, like Buzz Lightyear, has a great catchphrase:”By Grabthar’s hammer, by the suns of Warvan, you shall be avenged!” And he’s an actor who manages to go to space. And defeat aliens. That’s impressive. Dream big, kids. Also, let’s not forget to acknowledge he’s best friends with the aforementioned Ripley, now with blonder hair and more skin-coverage.

5. Lee Adama becomes Fat Lee in Battlestar Galactica and so he teaches us a lesson in moderation. Moderation needs to be observed, even in space.

Reason to admire him/Lessons learned:

Even in space where everyone’s probably on a limited food supply he managed to find some extra snacks. I think he was doing some emotional eating.

But nobody ever won a space war by eating space donuts, Lee. Just something to think about.

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