I like to think that in life, you’re either a Brandon girl or a Dylan girl. I guarantee though that if you polled my friends, Dylan would be the resounding favorite – just like Riggins outshines Saracen with FNL fans every time. But I have to say that in a showdown, Brandon’s been stealing my heart for over 15 years. Dylan may have had the bikes, the booze and that bad boy persona that makes girls go weak but Brandon’s do-gooder Boy Scout type made him someone you could actually bring home to mom and dad. Just as Dylan’s most epic quotes serve as a reminder of how interminably sexy – if not slightly unhinged – he proved to be, Brandon almost always said the right thing. He tempered Brenda’s mood swings and he even served as student body president of California University. I mean honestly, what’s not to love? So below are ten reasons to love the Minnesota twins’ better half. His hairstyle never changed in his 9 seasons and his dimples never failed to deliver. And here’s why:
10. “Who did you sleep with this time to get your film making grant?” – Brandon to Lucinda Nicholson
Yes, the high school years are unanimously the best eps of 90210. But I do have a weak spot for some of the college years’ story arcs, especially those with Lucinda Nicholson and her ungatoken and women’s empowerment class. Brandon totally veered off-course by sleeping with the CU professor – AND soon-to-be-ex of his professor – while he was on the Chancellor’s Task Force! But he’s only human. Lucinda may have seduced Brandon for a while with her spicy Guatamalan food, sweaty stairmaster routine and near-perfect perm but it wasn’t before long that Brandon realized that a good guy like him deserved the perfect blonde, in the form of Kelly Taylor. And that was the great thing about Brandon: he deviated but always came back on course.
9. “Uh, I don’t know…Tide?” – Brandon to Marianne Moore
God, I love Brandon but in the very first episode of the series, he was utterly lame. Listening to him try and romance TK at his first West Bev High School party is actually pretty painful. But it’s those smooth lines that always got him the girl. When he falls for Marianne Moore during his first week of school, he think she’s different than anyone he’s ever met. She nozzles her nose to his neck and asks what cologne he’s wearing to smell that good. His response? Tide. Sure, we all think it’s a line, but the best part is that with Brandon, I really believe that when he moved to West Bev, he still had a lot to learn. His boyish grin and dimples were what he got by on in high school and girls at West Bev were charmed by his Mid-Western naivite. And frankly, so am I… still. On SoapNet every day.
8. “Brenda, you’ve always got everything you’ve wanted, one way or another. And I’ve never said anything. But this time, I won’t allow it.” -Brandon to Brenda
Brenda had a few short lived work stints but it was Brandon who was always busting his butt at the Peach Pit and the Beach Club. He was the bourgeois base against which Steven’s snobbery made sense. But once in a while, particularly during a babe dry spell, Brandon got sassy about having to work. Why should Brenda get everything she wants without having to work? Why could she lie to her parents and still get a trip to Paris? But what Brandon didn’t realize was that he wouldn’t have been the Brandon Walsh we all know and love if he hadn’t worked. Drama class at Summer school didn’t really suit him and hauling lounge chairs on the beach allowed him to meet all sorts of babes. He had it better than he realized, that Brandon. Real slick.
7. “Look, Dylan, you might have given up on yourself, but I’m here for a very selfish reason. You saved my life once. Three years ago we went on a camping trip, we were up on a mountain the morning after a rainstorm, I slipped on some rocks and you saved me from falling off the cliff. Do you remember?” – Brandon to Dylan
Dylan McKay may have been Brenda’s one true love but he was also like the brother Brandon never had. One day, while stealing away for their own hike on the group camping trip, Brandon somehow managed to find himself dangling from a teetering ledge by one hand, the other arm flailing in the air. Just like Brandon would have done for him, Dylan goes after him, yelling, “Where you at, man?” and of course Brandon survives with only a few weird face scrapes. Years later, Brandon’s a key player at Dylan’s drug intervention but he admits he’s there for selfish reasons! It’s because he owes him guys, cut him a little slack! Dylan was totally annoying as a drug addict, anyway.
6. “I don’t waltz, I don’t rumba, I don’t fox trot, I don’t boogie, I don’t dance. I don’t even like to be in the same room with people who are dancing.” – Brandon to Andrea?
Standing on the sidelines of nearly every high school dance much to Andrea Zuckerman’s chagrin, Brandon didn’t like to boogie. Sure he was cute to look at but he didn’t have David Silver’s moves and always chose to watch from afar. But here’s what they never wanted us to catch onto… he always seemed to make an exception for a pretty girl. Kelly got him on the dance floor at the Spring Formal where he told her she was like a sister to him and Nikki Witt in high school managed to take their dance lessons private, if you catch my drift. Seems like Brandon did actually moves of his own that only certain girls got to see.
5. “Not all black people have rhythm and not all Jewish people are good with money.” – Brandon to Brooke Alexander
Brooke the bigot at the Beach Club was one of the best girls pitted up against Brandon. Her quick wit, unabashed racism and downright ignorance was just about perfect. When Brooke lost the sand castle building competition and took out her anger on Andrea, who didn’t really even need a job at the beach club because she was Jewish and from Beverly Hills, Brandon went and got about as postal as he ever did during his entire tenure on the show. How dare she overlook Andrea’s Van Nuys heritage, hard work ethic and the fact that she took the bus. Come to think of it, Brooke probably would have been perfect for Steve. She was just too much woman – and venom – for Brandon to handle. Plus, she didn’t like homeless people.
4. Brandon: “At 22, I don’t know if I’m ready to be a father. But at 42, I don’t want to look back and realize that we made the biggest mistake of our lives.”
Kelly: “We’re so young. We could have a house full of children some day.”
Brandon: “Yeah, but one will always be missing.”
Hold the phone. This was always an episode where my beloved Brandon threw me for a loop. When Kelly found out she was pregnant during her senior year of college, all bets were off. For Brandon the Boy Scout, 22 seemed the perfect age to settle down and raise a family. I mean obviously. But Brandon, we’re not in Minnesota anymore. He was so cute when he was naive, wasn’t he? We never had to find out what would happen next, but Brandon made his position crystal clear. Clearly, I liked him better in his less dramatic roles.
3. “Emily, to make love, I have to be in love.” -Brandon to Emily Valentine
Despite her close cropped ‘do and bleach blond locks (um, ew), Emily Valentine seemed to tug at Brandon’s heart strings – at least until she went crazy and started stalking him. Hell, even Dylan fell victim to her bad girl act for an entire episode. But Emily Valentine would stop at nothing (literally) to sink her claws into Brandon and his wholesome Beverly Hills life (Minnesota Twins jersey included). Sneaking into his bedroom late at night, she gave Brandon a guiltless sex offer that nearly no man would have turned down, but I think we know by now that Brandon would know what was best. He couldn’t mislead Emily like that, let alone send the wrong message. No sex, no problem. You go, Brand.
2. “Brenda wasn’t drinking, Dad, I was.” – Brandon to Jim Walsh
It seems that Brandon annoyingly never really seemed to do anything bad but when he did, there was a whole episode dedicated to it. His gambling problem that got out of control in high school? Might as well have been an after school special. Yet during high school, unlike the rest of the gang, somehow he was the only one who managed to get ruffied by Euphoria and drive drunk. Jim and Cindy obviously blamed Brenda at first (an obvious mistake) but since Brandon worked so hard, studied so hard and was just spending so much time being, well, good, he kind of crashed his car while driving drunk. A telltale lesson for kids watching everywhere and a defining experience for Brandon. From then on, they let Steven do all the screwing up.
1. ”It’s no trip around the world, but I think we could take quite a journey together.” – Brandon to Kelly Taylor
In the epic love triangle that was Kelly, Dylan, and Brandon, Brandon tried to play his winning charm against Dylan’s big bucks. Not only did he get her an age-appropriate diamond ring (they were only Sophomores in college, guys!) but he bought her rollerblades, too. Be still my mid-’90s heart. Turns out Kelly wasn’t prepped to travel the globe with Dylan or settle down in the flats of Beverly with Brandon. The triangle culminated in one of my favorite episodes ever, ‘I Chose Me’. She turned down both heartthrobs in the parking lot of the Peach Pit. Way harsh, Kel (especially considering she really “chose” Colin a few weeks later).